Cohabitation, especially with a long-term guest, is fraught with issues.
Who pays for what? If the guest isn't paying bills, can they make demands? When is it time to show them the door?
A woman wondering about all of these questions turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Littleredbird1991 asked:
"AITA for not getting the right milk?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So my sister-in-law (SIL, 24, female) is going through a messy breakup right now and is currently living with me (34, female) and my husband (39, male) for now until she can resolve things with her ex regarding their condo."
"She's staying with us because we are closer to the downtown (closer to the bars) and my in-laws are in the suburbs. She is my husband's youngest sister."
"SIL is not paying rent but she does get her own groceries. This has led to some confusion as to what is community property in the fridge (what I can use to make meals) and what is not."
"Yesterday I was making dinner for all 3 of us and noticed that I didn't have enough of the milk I had bought to get through the recipe. SIL had bought a smallish thing of skim milk a day or two before, so I used the rest of that to finish dinner."
"It's easier for me to make dinner for all 3 of us than to have a fight over who is going to use the kitchen since we all eat at about the same time and it's not a big kitchen."
"I then texted my husband to get a thing of skim milk for SIL from the store along with a couple of other things."
"My husband got home before my SIL did so I put the new milk in the fridge along with the other groceries he got. SIL then came home and all 3 of us sat down to dinner."
"This morning, SIL was going to make a shake after her run, while I was messing around on my laptop in the office, when I heard SIL call my name. I came down, and she asked if I had touched her milk."
"I told her the truth that yes, I had used some of her milk last night and that we had replaced it. She got red-faced and screamed at me that I had gotten the wrong thing."
"I asked what was wrong because what my husband picked up was the same thing I had used, which was skim milk. She screamed that he hadn't gotten the right milk."
"When I questioned her, it turned out that my husband had bought the store-brand milk and not the Dairy Gold brand milk. She did not get the lactose-free or any other special option; it was just name-brand instead of store-brand skim milk."
"I told her 'milk is milk' and to stop being a petulant child."
"She screamed at me not to touch her stuff, threw the milk jug on the floor, and stormed out the door. I called my husband (who was at work), and he told me not to worry about her."
"I guess she ran to my father-in-law, because he called and asked why I touched her milk and that I needed to replace it with the correct milk."
"I could understand if I'd replaced Almond Milk or some other milk alternative with cow's milk, or even if I'd gotten whole milk instead of skim, but as far as I know I replaced her skim milk with skim milk."
"So, AITA?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I used up the last of my SIL's skim milk to make dinner and replaced it with store-brand skim milk, but not name-brand. Should I have gotten her name brand?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"SIL needs to learn how to have a conversation like an adult."
"Different brands of milk do taste different, and I can understand her being unhappy that her favorite brand was replaced by something else, but the way she expressed that to you is very rude."
"If you are not allowed to touch her food, why are you making dinner for her with your food? Stop feeding her. Better yet, kick her ungrateful a** out." ~ 4-stars
"It's your kitchen. You cook when you want and she cooks around your schedule. Time for SIL to move in with daddy. NTA." ~ GodlessGoddess1968
"Why is she not currently packing her stuff after screaming at you in your home?" ~ riptaway
"It's a lot easier to tell her that if you can't use her ingredients to make meals for her, then she can feed herself when you're done using your kitchen. Stop avoiding standing up for yourself in your own home to a guest who acts like a child."
"Treat her like she's asking to be treated. Do what she wants—all food is separate, so any food you buy and make is not for her."
"Otherwise you're just telling her it's okay to act like garbage and you'll still keep cooking for her. If that's what you choose, then you're choosing for her to keep behaving this way." ~ QuestioningHuman_api
"Nope, don't cook for her. Have a spine. If she can run home to daddy to have a sulk, she can f*cking live with him too." ~ millennialfail
"Well, as she ran to your father-in-law and he doesn't think you're taking good care of her, I look forward to your update telling us she's moved in with him."
"If that doesn't happen they both need to learn how to STFU and be grateful." ~ FeuerroteZora
"SIL is an entitled, rude and ungrateful human being. Not only is she living rent-free with you, but you also made her dinner‽ I'd have her sh*t tossed out onto the curb if she behaved like that toward me." ~ lololollieki
"Anyone who screams at me in my own home is no longer welcome. She needs to give you one hell of an apology or get the f*ck out." ~ Perle1234
"NTA. You made food for SIL from your own groceries that I assumed you paid for, only used her milk to finish said meal that she ate, AND you replaced it. Plus, she's living there rent-free."
"Screaming at you is so over the top, and then telling on you to your FIL is nuts. If this happened to me I'd just calmly say 'Hey OP, I see you replaced my milk, thank you, but next time do you mind getting the specific brand I use?'."
"Or I wouldn't even say anything because I'm grateful for housing and my SIL cooking me dinner." ~ lavender_poppy
"Holy cow, NTA. Yelling and throwing milk is beyond childish. Using her milk to feed her and replacing it seemed reasonable."
"Her letting you know that going forward she'd prefer a specific brand, calmly, like an adult, is also reasonable. But she doesn't pay enough rent ($0) to get angry about this, so those laying blame on you are wrong." ~ Jeffrey_Friedl
"NTA. She's staying rent-free, and you were making dinner for the household, including her. You followed the roommate rule of replacing something immediately if you use it up."
"It would have been fine for her to say 'Hey, if this happens again, can you please make sure to get the same brand I had? It tastes different to me, and I really prefer that one' and you should honor that."
"But it is unhinged of her to throw milk on the floor and scream at you because your husband replaced her milk with a different brand of the same kind of milk after you used some to make dinner for her in your home, where she is living rent-free." ~ lawfox32
"Also why is she mad at OP who's making her food and not at her brother who got the wrong milk?" ~ Smooth-Garbage3747
"She's not paying rent. She buys groceries, but you cook her dinner. You used some of her milk to cook food she ate. You replaced it (albeit with the wrong brand)."
"I absolutely get that different brands of milk taste different. I am particular about my milk. But it was technically the correct item, so it would clearly do in a pinch, until you or she could get the correct brand."
"Her reaction was unhinged and totally inappropriate. Your FIL should take her in, if he wants to be involved. We all hope family will support us when we are going through a rough patch, but going through difficult times doesn't give you carte blanche to be rude to people."
"And that was beyond rude. Moreover, when someone is kind enough to take you into their home, you should be appreciative."
"NTA, but your SIL sure was." ~ Seymour_Parsnips
OP provided an update:
"I am definitely considering making her move back with her parents. She asked to stay with my husband and me because we are closer to the city than my in-laws, who are way out in the suburbs."
"This SIL is the 'princess' of the family. The youngest 'oopsie' baby who got away with murder growing up."
"My husband had always ignored her temper tantrums (believe me, this is not the first one she's had as an adult), but I will talk to him about making her go back to my in-laws."
The OP needs to stand up for herself in her own home.
