Tragedy can make people do and say things they normally never would.
It’s difficult when you’re trapped in grief.
The first thing we tend to do is place blame.
And you can imagine how that goes over.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister that I’m not paying for the loss of her dog, even though my daughter let her out?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 F[emale]) am the mother of a two-year-old daughter and a six-month-old son.”
“My sister Linsey (29 F) has been keeping my children for the last three months as a means of extra income since she works from home.”
“Linsey has no children, but she had a three-year-old Yorkie, (Koko) that she adored.”
“A little over two weeks ago, I received a distraught call from her that my daughter had let Koko out and now she and her husband couldn’t find her.”
“I left work early.”
“I make it to pick up my daughter and my sister is hysterical.”
“Talking about she only turned her back for a second to get something for the baby.”
“And I told her unfortunately that’s all it takes is a second for a toddler to get into all kinds of trouble.”
“She thought the door was locked.”
“My husband even got off work early to come and join us to help them look for Koko, but we turned up empty handed.”
“The next day I received a call from my sister stating they’d found Koko and she’d unfortunately passed due to being hit by a car.”
“I immediately offered my condolences.”
“We even spent a few days together afterwards.”
“About three days ago she calls me and tells me that Koko’s funeral was going to be a little over 1500.00 bucks.”
“She asked would I like to pay in cash or check?”
“That while I’m at it that I may as well add the 3300.00 bucks she’d paid for Koko as well.”
“I once again apologized that this unfortunate mishap happened, but I wasn’t paying a dime.”
“She called me a selfish witch, that I was the stupidest person on Earth because I was showing no compassion for her grief.”
“That she hoped something happened to me for me to feel the same pain.”
“She said God forbids something happens to one of your children, then I’m going to have the same reaction.”
“She even placed the blame on my daughter for her dog’s death, in which I was called a bad mother.”
“I admit. I went off and said some things I shouldn’t have.”
“I told her that if she’d kept an eye on my daughter and made sure her door was locked that the little sh*t wouldn’t have gotten out in the first place and got his a** flattened like a pancake.”
“Furthermore, my daughter is TWO!”
“I told her she can hold her breath because I wasn’t paying her a** a dime! “
“Of course, she got our parents involved.”
“My mother agrees with me but still wants me to pay the nearly five grand for the dog!”
“I told her they could because I wouldn’t!”
“Given we’ve had words before, this is the worst it’s ever been.”
“My husband agrees with me.”
“Hell, her husband even agrees with me, but I am sorry for her loss.”
“AITA for not offering her some kind of compensation for her grief?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Your daughter was in your sister’s care.”
“If your sister had been properly supervising your daughter she would not have let the dog out and this tragic event would not have happened.”
“In my opinion all costs are on your sister.”
“And you might want to find someone more responsible to watch your daughter.” ~ ElectronicRub1716
“The sister is lucky it wasn’t the baby who escaped and got hit by a car.”
“NTA.” ~ DramaDroid
“Right?! If the toddler opened the door enough for the dog to get out, the toddler could’ve absolutely followed after the dog.”
“You can’t blame a two-year-old for getting into mischief when you aren’t watching them.”
“That is basically their full time job at that age.”
“They’re curious and they want to get into everything.”
“That’s why you don’t leave them unsupervised.”
“OP’s sister looked after the kids often enough to know better.”
“She should’ve had the door locked.”
“And she doesn’t get to blame the toddler for the fact that she wasn’t paying attention.” ~ imamage_fightme
“Came here to say the same. About to be a first time human mom, I absolutely adore my niece & nephew, and I would also kill for my fur babies.”
“This is totally on the sister.”
“As tragic as it is I think if I were in sister’s position my only solace right now would be the fact that I didn’t lose my dog AND my niece in one fell swoop.”
“And have to live with that on my conscience for the rest of my life.”
“NTA, it’s unthinkable that she would blame a 2 year old when she was the responsible adult guardian here.”
“Also, I know that toddlers can be inhumanly sneaky and fast but I’m wondering how a kid that size managed to open a door in the “second” she was gone.”
“Are her door handles super low or something?”
“My niece would have had to climb onto something to do that for sure.”
“The outcome is the same and I don’t want to split hairs, I’m just curious how that unfolded.” ~ fantastic-cabbage
“That was my first thought!”
“She clearly isn’t responsible if the 2 year old could let the dog out like that!”
“NTA, don’t give her a penny!” ~ Global_Monk_5778
“It was an accident and could easily have been OP’s daughter who got out.”
“I think paying is not necessary but maybe offering to pay for the funeral?? (dog funeral?)”
“Might be a gesture that could make peace.”
“Again, not required, but as a gesture and acknowledgment of the loss.”
“Child free people often see their pets as their kids so I think it is a loss that should be considered with sensitivity.”
“Also – had she not been watching your kids, her dog wouldn’t have been let out.”
“So maybe the gesture of paying the funeral costs is a good one?” ~ sjyffl
“My youngest brother damn near got hit by a car because he managed to unlock and get out the back door.”
“Thank god for a neighbor’s dog’s need to bark at anything that moved, or else we wouldn’t have known he was out of the house until too late.”
“My parents then put a suction cup stopper on the door, to prevent curious kiddos from exiting unwantedly.”
“Agreed, OP is NTA.” ~ galaxyveined
“What if your daughter had been the one who got out and got hit by a car?”
“Would you demand money from your sister???”
“Your sister can’t process her own guilt at not locking the door and not properly supervising your daughter.”
“You should apologize for the hurtful things you said to your sister while she is grieving but I don’t think reimbursing her money is correct here either.”
“NTA Edit: I care for a 21 month old and there is no way I could properly care for them if I was working from home.”
“It doesn’t sound like a safe situation for your children either.” ~ timbrelyn
“You should be careful in the future around your sister with your child.”
“She might tell your daughter when she’s old enough to understand that she ‘murdered’ her auntie’s precious dog when she was a child.”
“It might scar your daughter for life when she’s told that she accidentally opened the door leading to this certain string of events.”
“I know grief drives people insane, but keep an eye on your sister because one day she might tell your daughter that to spite you. NTA.” ~dont_eat_my_ramen
“NTA your sister was responsible for all actions that occurred when she was being paid to watch your children.”
“She failed in her responsibility and unfortunately her dog died.”
“This is her fault and her fault alone.”
“If she wants a funeral for her dog that’s on her any costs for the animal are on her.”
“Do not give her money for this as it will escalate this situation.”
“I hope she didn’t traumatize your child over this.”
“She sounds a little unstable I hope you have alternative care for your children because I wouldn’t trust her ever again.” ~ Glittering_Code_4311
“NTA. She was supposed to be caring for your kids.”
“Due to her own negligence, that dead dog?”
“Could have been your dead daughter.”
“Your daughter cannot possibly carry moral blame at her age, and you can’t carry it because you weren’t even there – she herself was in charge.”
“Your choice of response to her was very poor, but her request was unreasonable and unreasonably worded.” ~ poddy_fries
This is a sad one for sure. Poor Koko.
Poor everyone involved.
Reddit is with you OP.
Hopefully everyone can calm down and make a brighter outcome out of this situation.