The world of comedy is a minefield.
It seems to be in a transition period where everyone is learning what funny is; and what was never funny to begin with.
And in the end some learn, you're just not at all funny.
Comedy is an art, not meant for everyone.
Case in point...
Redditor unfunnyhusband wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for telling my husband he isn’t very funny and shouldn’t do standup at an open mic night?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband has, for a while now, wanted to do stand up comedy."
"My husband is good at a million and one things but stand up comedy isn’t one of them."
"All his jokes are in very poor taste and are outdated."
"Think 2000s internet humor."
"He says he just has a very dark sense of humor but it’s just really, really cringe."
"He has put me in awkward positions where he will tell these jokes to my friends and coworkers even when I beg him not to and he thinks he is doing great."
"However, he’s not the greatest at reading social queues he doesn’t pick up that they are just trying to be polite and are very uncomfortable."
"There’s a comedy club near here that has open mic nights and gives people 5 min sets."
""He doesn’t have enough jokes to fill this time and I have told him he should consider writing out a full set and practicing it with a timer."
"Then practice in front of people you trust to give you honest feedback."
"I have suggested we at least visit one open mic night just to observe and get a feel for the audience."
"He says he doesn’t need to practice he has it all in his head and 5 mins is only enough for maybe two jokes."
"I have given many public presentations before and I know that 5 mins of just you speaking to an audience can be a whole lot longer than you’d think; especially if you are a novice."
"After telling him the same things over and over again he finally said 'You really have no faith in me.'"
"My response was that I love him but he’s just not very funny in a stand-up kind of way."
"He was pretty upset by this."
"I wasn’t trying to be cruel but sometimes people need honesty a lot more than empty kindness."
"My line of thinking is that it would be far crueler to tell him he should just go ahead and then let him humiliate himself than it would be to spare him that."
"Like it would be cruel to tell someone that thinks they can sing but sound like a cat in heat they should totally do that American Idol thing."
"Maybe I should just let him and he can find out all on his own."
"He doesn’t listen to me anyways."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"To Be Honest, why are you stopping him?"
"Yes, maybe his feelings will get hurt, or he will be humiliated."
"But since he isn't listening to anyone, 'let it go.'"
"Just like the singer who sounds like a cat in heat, let him learn the hard way."
"By the way, if he goes through with this and gets the expected humiliation, don't be surprised if he blames it on a bad audience. ETA: NTA." ~I llustrious-Tour-247
"NAH. You are trying to protect your husband out of your love for him."
"It might be better to let him try and see for himself." ~ OrcEight
"NTA, but let him do it."
"You've given him fair warning and opportunity to practice."
"Now it's time to let him crash and burn."
"And as difficult as it will be (at least for me it would be lol), do not say 'I told you so.'" ~ Livint225
"NAH. But there was no 'winning' in this."
"If you didn't tell him and he does fall flat he'd be upset you didn't warn him but warning him will also upset him because no one likes hearing we aren't very good at what we want to do."
"I don't think you're in the wrong but he does have a right to be a bit miffed."
"But it's not like this is the first time you've told him not to tell his jokes." ~ Octopie1107
"NTA. He'd be way more crushed by going up there than by you."
"But if he's serious and this is a real dream and not a phase offer to help."
"Maybe make him record his act at home and review so he has the timing down."
"Because you're right, 5 minutes is a loooong time." ~ Morrisonbran
OP came back with deets...
"I offered just tonight to record and time him and he refused."
"I want to help him but he doesn’t think he needs it."
"I mean practice is a good thing, everyone one with a talent or skill has to practice."
"He says he doesn’t want to cause he is a more 'go with flow kinda of guy.'"
"For clarifications sake I couldn’t put the kind of jokes he likes to make in the original post without it being auto removed."
"The word phonetically sounds like 'play doh file.'"
"The punch line to most of his jokes is in one way or the other 'I was the play doh file the whole time.'"
"He is not that, but again I think it’s the missing social cues things and he thinks shocking is the same as funny."
"As stated by someone else this kind of humor has an audience somewhere (his favorite comedian is Anthony Jeselnik) but open mic ain’t it."
Reddit continued...
"OP you tried and now what happens is what happens."
"This is one of those hard times where if you are honest."
"You can be seen by a partner as not supportive or told, you don't understand his style of funny."
"But if you say nothing and it turns into a train wreak and others tell him he isn't funny you'll hear 'why didn't you tell me.'"
"It's his 'dream' or thought that he is funny and can do comedy which is just as much about timing as the story/joke being delivered."
"Just be there no matter the outcome and no 'I told you so'. NTA." ~ YogurtclosetTop1056
"Real comedians write out their acts."
"Real comedians practice their jokes."
"Vocal cadence and timing are just as important as content."
"Real comedians bomb a lot before they find their rhythm."
"Source: like every professional comic who does an interview ever."
"He shows little respect for what comedians actually do. Let him bomb."
"But that doesn’t seem to be the real problem for you."
"The real problem is that you find his jokes 'cringe.'"
"I couldn’t be married to someone who I constantly feel embarrassed by and feel I have to apologize to others for his words."
"If you are the company you keep, you are even more the company you marry."
"If you find him to be constantly offensive, why are you married to him?" ~ trytothrowaway135789
"You’ve done all you can here - he needs to get this out of his system himself."
"And echoing other comments it’s likely he’ll blame the audience and it will take a few goes before he accepts it not being right."
"Or he may just keep going."
"NTA - and maybe offer to record on the night?" ~ SlothLordMcMarekat
"NAH. You are trying to be a good partner."
"But I’m with the let him humiliate himself side."
"You warned him, you told him to practice, you told him to go view it first."
"He’s ignoring all good advice so let him go and crash and burn."
"Then chuck a cheeseburger his way and say better luck next time." ~ Status-Pattern7539
"NTA. You’re trying to help, and it seems like you were giving gentle suggestions/advice until only the most recent exchange."
"Especially if you have public speaking experience (even if it’s not stand-up), that is actually relevant if he has no one."
"That said, he clearly doesn’t want to hear what you’re saying; he hasn’t even given you the courtesy of listening/considering."
"He’s just dismissing your suggestions out of hand."
"At this point, I think you need to just let him try and experience the consequences."
"And then you need to decide if you care enough about your relationship to NOT say 'I told you so.'" ~ katreddita
"NTA. I don't think there is any right way to approach this."
"He's going to be hurt if you tell him he's not funny."
"But he's also going to be upset if he goes in blind and the crowd confirms what you're saying."
"He's going to ask why you didn't warn him."
"Partners are supposed to be supportive, but only if it does no harm."
"Him getting humiliated may be 100x worse than you saying that he's not funny."
"One is extremely embarrassing, while the other might just sting a bit."
"If he wants to go ahead with it even though you've told him, let him."
"Unfortunately you tried to warn him, but he will have to find out the hard way." ~ onedayatatime08
Well OP, Reddit understands your predicament.
In the end he'll do what he decides to do, as is his right.
You told your truth, as is yours.
Now just wait and see.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.