We all have our insecurities, and we do what we can to address them or neutralize them.
Individuals who have struggled with their dermatological health, especially acne and psoriasis, are often left to feel self-conscious about their facial features, but at least now, there are cute skin care options available, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
That said, Redditor MarriedToATeacher felt there was a time and a place for the cute, star-shaped pimple patches that his wife used that were helping with her acne, and a wedding wasn't it.
But when she was angry with him for discouraging her from wearing to patches to an upcoming wedding, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being harsh or insensitive.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for asking my wife to please not wear visible, star-shaped pimple patches to a wedding?"
The OP's wife struggled with cystic acne, but she'd found some skincare that helped.
"I (41 Male) love my wife (43 Female). I think my wife is a gorgeous woman with gorgeous skin."
"My wife has struggled with cystic acne her whole teenage and adult life. She's a teacher at an all-girls private high school, and my wife would wear visible star-shaped pimple patches (without makeup) in class to help the students feel more comfortable."
"I think that's wonderful in that context. Also, I honestly think my wife looks cute wearing those pimple patches."
To care for her skin, the OP's wife wanted to wear star-shaped pimple patches to the OP's sister's wedding.
"But the thing is, our daughter (13 Female) is struggling with cystic acne just like her mom."
"My daughter, wife, and I are going to my sister's (37 Female) wedding."
"My wife wants to go wearing visible star-shaped pimples patches without makeup to accompany our daughter, just like she does her students in the classroom."
The OP wasn't sure whether wearing the patches to the wedding was a good idea.
"My daughter has told me she doesn't want people there paying extra attention to her mom's acne, since they may then pay extra attention to her acne, as well."
"Also, my sister is laid back, but I think she wouldn't want one of her guests to wear very visible pimple patches."
"Without bringing up our daughter's concerns since she didn't want me to tell her mom this, I asked my wife to please do NOT wear very visible pimple patches to my sister's wedding."
"She got upset with me and is now questioning my previous statements when I had told her that she looks cute with them."
"I had mentioned my concerns about how my sister may feel. I thought that would be enough, but it wasn't. She thinks I have a problem with them."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP's daughter that wearing the pimple patches to a wedding was not a good idea.
"The star patch is like choosing to wear your kid's 'Paw Patrol' or 'Frozen' Band-Aids to a wedding. OP could frame it that way as an easy example to get their point across." - lih9
"I know you swore to secrecy with your daughter, but it's a BIG reason as to why your wife isn't picking up what you're throwing down. Your daughter's intentions also came from the best possible place: to care for her mother, not to judge her. That's worth sharing." - Equivalent_Lemon_319
"I think there is a difference between everyday empowerment and being visible in photos for a wedding that the bride will spend a lot of money on."
"It's a formal setting, and she needs to be in a formal setting."
"To each of your daughters' confidence, it might he nice to get a makeup artist to do her makeup. Hair. Some nice clothes. Spoil her a little." - Exotic-Rooster4427
"NTA, I know she has good intentions, but doing that will make her look like an attention seeker. Fair enough if she wants to wear some patches, but they should be the clear ones. It's a wedding, and there's a level of class/formality that's to be expected." - Dangerous_Touch_7081
"OP telling his wife how their daughter feels about it is such an iffy thing because we don't know what kind of person OP's wife really is."
"She could be the kind of mother who would not want to hurt her daughter in any way and would immediately decide not to wear them and never tell her daughter that dad broke her trust because her child's relationship with her father is very important to OP's wife."
"Or she could be the complete opposite of that. And now OP's daughter is upset with her dad for breaking her trust."
"NTA. There are places to wear those pimple patches, and there are places not to wear them, and a wedding is a place not to wear them. Someone else's wedding is not the place to send messages like that, you are there to celebrate the bride and groom, not show how confident you are about wearing pimple patches." - Frequent_Couple5498
Others suggested compromises to make the OP's wife and daughter more comfortable.
"Maybe she could wear an invisible patch. I'm one of those girls, who no matter what, I still get pimples in my 20s. I could never wear those star-shaped patches, but the invisible ones are much better for me. You could still notice that she has one, but from far away not, and she might even still be able to cover them up, depending on how good she is with makeup." - Minion_kawaii
"Wearing invisible patches or going without for a few hours would be a very good compromise."
"School, grocery shopping, taking a hike or a walk with end go, the stars work for 90% of the time, but at a formal event like a wedding, invisible patches are much more fitting." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I don't know which brand you use, but the CosRx ones are just better than the Starface ones you get at Walgreens."
"Like, they're thicker, they come in a variety of sizes, and the last time I had to buy them, they were significantly cheaper, they pick up more, they stay on better... h**l, the starface ones don't even stay in their own packaging on their own." - Quinzelette
"Just know that if you tell your wife what your daughter said, your daughter is going to stop trusting you or confiding in you. Next time she's struggling with something that's hard and personal for her, she's not going to talk to you about it because she won't trust you not to tell anyone. And she clearly doesn't feel like she can talk to her mom. So where will that leave her?"
"This is something that would be a problem even if your daughter didn't bring it up, so just address the basic problem. Your wife wants to wear colorful pimple patches to your sister's wedding. There is no situation in which that is appropriate."
"Someone else's wedding isn't a time to draw attention to yourself or try to make some kind of social statement. Everyone's going to talk about it, people will judge her and possibly be upset, and your sister will definitely not want her in any wedding pictures because "the woman with the pimple patches" will draw the focus in EVERY photo." - QuestioningHuman_api
"NTA. Tell her:"
"'Our daughter is at a stage where she is uncomfortable with her skin. Drawing attention to your acne will only draw attention to hers, and I'd rather she not potentially feel under the microscope and uncomfortable the whole time. It's not appropriate to wear pimple patches in all environments.'"
"'If you wouldn't wear it to a job interview, why would you wear it to someone else's wedding? If you don't want to wear makeup, that's entirely okay, but it's not okay to wear pimple patches in shapes and colors that will draw attention to you. It's my sister's day. If you do this, it's all anyone is going to talk about.'"
"You have to go 100% hypothetical with it, and some hints about general teenage self-esteem and image issues. OP didn't want to reveal that it was their daughter who brought it to their attention."
"That's a tough line to toe. I'm so sorry, OP, but I hope you do right by your kiddo, as someone who struggled with different self-image issues (but parents never criticized, just offered support)." - Feeling_Inside_1020
It was amazing that the OP's wife was advocating for positive self-images for her students and for her daughter by teaching without makeup and wearing colorful pimple patches in solidarity.
While that was an important and touching mission, it didn't really have a place at a wedding. The OP's wife did not have to wear makeup to the wedding, but she could swap out the star pimple patches for clear or skin-colored patches just for the special occasion.
Otherwise, rather than sending a positive information to her daughter, she might draw unnecessary attention to her daughter's skin, and she might also send a message to the bride and groom that she wanted to steal focus and possibly ruin the group wedding photos.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.