Redditor Guilty_Kiwi63 is a gymgoer who proclaimed they were going through a "glow-up" period after noticing a change in their appearance.
Because of their positive, physical transformation, they made a fitness decision based on an assumption that was met with criticism.
After being accused of being "silly" over their solo decision, they visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for not wanting to go workout with my male friend anymore because I saw there's a lot of cute guys at the gym and now I'm worried they might think I have a boyfriend?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I went with him originally because he's very knowledgeable about it and I said maybe he could show me some of the exercises like how to do squats and such."
"Since then we got in the habit of going together and becoming workout partners. However as this is part of my glow-up period, where I lose weight and get more toned and then hotter guys start to notice me more, I've been thinking there's some cute guys at this gym but if they see me with my friend they'll assume he's my boyfriend."
"Because of this I told him it'd be better if we didn't go together anymore."
"When he asked me why I explained it to him but he said that was silly of me and claimed even I should be happy if being with him prevented other guys from hitting on me."
"AITA for rather wanting to go on my own from now?
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors didn't look upon the OP favorably.
"I mean....you don't go to the gym to get a boyfriend. You go to work out.......And if it were me, and a man was looking at me as dating material AT the gym and asked me out or started talking to me while flirting, I'd switch the times I went or even switch gyms."
"May seem extreme to some, but I don't want to be ogled out. I just want to do my work out and go home?"
"YTA. Your guy friend is giving you awesome advice, and you're about to throw away a supportive gym partner with the idea that MAYBE these gym buffs don't have girlfriends and for some reason are more interested in you than the workout." – Own-File7336
"YTA. You're one of those irritating people that's at the gym for the attention instead of actually working out."
"Imagine if he refused to be seen in public with you because people might assume you're his girlfriend!" – squeakylittlecat
"You're dumping your friend so you possibly can get attention from strangers? YTA."
"ETA do not harres man in the gym, it is not okay." – Useful-Importance664
"Not just strangers…. HOTTER strangers. YTA op. Change your views quick or you are going to live a life of disappointment." – thesounditmakes28
"YTA so your fantasy of cute imaginary boy noticing you at the gym is more important than your friend who kindly offered to help you lose weight and get in shape." – Churchie-Baby
"Also, OP YTA for thinking that the gym is some pickup spot. It's not. Most times, people are paying you zero attention, and there are very few people who want to ever have their workout interupted because someone thinks they're cute." – Electrical-Date-3951
"I was just thinking....'oh so YOU'RE the girl that gives men the impression that women like being hit on at the gym, f'king great.' Being hit on at the gym is one of my biggest pet peeves."
"OP- maybe focus on viewing working out as a way to be better and STRONGER and not just a vehicle to a 'glow up.' If your motivation for going to the gym is because there are cute boys there the chances of this habit lasting are not that high." – Secure-Positive5733
"YTA. No one wants to get hit on at the gym. Also, if you think you're looking cute at the gym you're not working out hard enough 🥴 I look like a sweaty bridge troll at the gym." – WhizmoAlke
"OP is the worst kind of "friend." She will gladly accept the kindness of her buddy and then not want to be seen with him in case someone finds her attractive. With that kind of attitude, she won't have to worry about that." – boxing_coffee
"She's still in the midst of her 'glow up', no one has even noticed her or hit on her yet. All of this is just a fantasy of what will happen once she gets fit. It's despicable either way but it's even funnier this way because no one has even approached her."
"YTA OP." – meanwhileaftrmdnight
"OP is being a poor friend, yes, but this comment is giving off weird entitlement vibes. Her friend putting in work does not entitle him to her time. That and the meat head comment feel bad to me." – Khabuem
"YTA. You used him when it suited you, but now you're going to drop him. He also looses a gym buddy. You're potentially creating a fight/end of a friendship for such a stupid reason."
"You can perfectly go to the gym and flirt with other men. He doesn't have to be seen as your bf. Or you can go together half of the time and the other half, you can go alone."
"Your choice, but If I (25 Male) heard my female friend say something that selfish and childish, I would draw my own conclusions on the friendship." – SimpleBelgianLogic
"Ok, so just for some clarity: You want to dump a friend that helped you at a low point in your life, helped you gain health and confidence, so that maybe some sweaty rando at the gym will ask you out?"
"Also, it's not helpful that you are trying to make the gym a pick up spot- the gym is a place people should feel comfortable sweating and getting dirty without someone staring at them or thinking they want to be asked out."
"Also, How fun will it be to go to the gym and see the guy you went on the awkward date with last week? Yep, YTA." – christycat17
"YTA. So you used his help when it benefitted you but as soon as you got in shape, you ditched the guy? Okaaay."
"Also, let these 'cute guys' exercise in peace. This is a gym, they come here to exercise, not to find a potential wife. If you happen to meet someone there, cool, but matchmaking is not the purpose of that place." – No-Jellyfish-1208
"YTA. You used your friend and now that it's no longer convenient you don't want him to go anymore? You're choosing the possibility of picking up a guy, over your friend."
"Besides, he might not even prevent people from approaching you. Just because a guy and a girl are together, doesn't mean people are going to assume you're dating. If they really wanted to know, they would ask."
"And the way you wrote that and worded it just made me cringe. I'm sorry, but it sounded so vain and shallow."
"Edit: It also doesn't stop you from approaching others. Also, I'm pretty sure there was a near identical post to this but it was a guy ditching his friend not long ago." – Ok-Writer-774
"YTA. Most dudes are there for the gym, will therefore not give a f'k about what you do or what you look like." – zZombi__
"YTA. Your friend helped you get fit. Now that you're fit, you want to ditch him so you can get more sexual attention. You are not a very good friend. He is better off without you." – warrinerdot
"Please do not approach strangers at the gym to hit on them. It's not the place for it. People get self conscious enough or just want to make it through their workout."
"If you are to approach someone make friends (even then it's very dependant how you do it). Gym isn't a hookup or relationship finding spot. It's a place where people go for their own health and fitness (health being mental as well)" – magicnoodleman
"YTA. You are very very shallow. Also, who the f'k ditches a friend over possible hook-ups?! Also, the gym is not a place to pick up and flirt, people go there to workout. There are enough other places to go to to pick up people." – KrachtSchracht
"YTA He helped you attain your goals and now that you feel better about your self you want to ditch your friend? If the guys didn't hit you up before you started getting fit then why do you want their interest anyways?"
"If the roles were reversed it'd hurt your feelings. Don't even try to deny it." – Character_Air_8163
Overall, Redditors criticized the OP and called them "shallow" for treating the gym like a hookup location instead of a place where people are more focused on trying their best to achieve their fitness goals.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.