Redditor Suspicious After Husband Deletes Messaging Apps From His Phone Right Before Surgery

Some people really like to maintain their privacy, but in most cases, withholding phones, passwords, and even deleting apps is suspicious.

Because if a person has done nothing wrong, then they'll have nothing to hide, pointed out the users of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Electrical-Gap2122's husband had to have emergency surgery and passed his possessions, including his phone, off to them before he received general anesthesia.

When their husband's phone kept going off, they checked for important notifications, and when the Original Poster (OP) realized that their husband had deleted all social media apps from his phone before the emergency procedure, they couldn't help but wonder why.

They asked the sub:

"AIO for being suspicious when my husband deleted all of his social media apps right before his surgery?"

The OP's husband had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery.

"My husband was scheduled for a medical procedure at the hospital due to some recurring health issues. He's still young but has been dealing with chronic kidney problems that needed more intensive treatment."

"A few days ago, his symptoms flared up badly, including severe back pain and swelling. I convinced him he needed to go to the ER, so at 2:00 AM, we were admitted."

"The doctors decided he needed a procedure under general anesthesia to place a temporary stent."

The OP held onto their husband's belongings while he was in surgery.

"Before they took him back, he had to give me his phone and other belongings to hold during the surgery."

"While he was in the operating room, his phone kept getting notifications."

"When I went to check if any were from the doctors or important family updates, I realized he had deleted Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook. These were all apps that were definitely there just yesterday when we were showing each other funny videos while waiting in the ER."

"This seemed really strange because he's always been pretty active on social media, especially Instagram, where he posts gym updates and connects with old friends."

The OP questioned whether they were overreacting to the deletions. 

"We've never been secretive about our phones or social media accounts."

"I'm probably just stressed and overthinking because I'm terrified about his health, but the timing feels weird. Why would someone delete their social media right before going under anesthesia?"

"We did have some issues in the past before we were married. He had been messaging an ex-girlfriend inappropriately. I forgave him, and we worked through it."

"Maybe I'm just exhausted and paranoid from sitting in this hospital all night worrying about him. We have two small kids at home, and there's so much going on right now. I love him so much, and I'm genuinely scared about what could happen during this procedure."

"Am I reading too much into this, or should I ask him about it once he's recovered? Please be kind; I'm just a mess of worry and sleeplessness right now."

"Am I overreacting?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some felt the OP was not overreacting and pointed out that their husband wouldn't delete the apps if he had nothing to hide. 

"He wouldn't delete them if he wasn't hiding something. He either didn't want you to snoop while he was under, or he was worried that if he died while under, you'd go through his phone after he died and see whatever it is he's been up to."

"I had surgery a few years ago, and before I went into surgery, I deleted gambling apps from my phone just in case I died because I didn't want anyone to know."

"An innocent person would have no reason to delete apps just before they're going to be away from their phone for a long period of time." - Literallywtfdudee

"I've had several surgeries, and I've never deleted anything before. Anytime I've deleted any kind of social media, my husband and I usually talk about it beforehand because that's how we communicate."

"One of us will say, 'I'm thinking of deleting this app,' or 'I decided to take a break and delete this app,' usually because we can tell it has become a distraction or we are spending too much time on it, and we don't even use social media that much!"

"The fact that he uses it regularly and would not make any mention to his wife is concerning to me."

"I don't know what other marriages are like, but we have very open and continuous communication about how we're spending our time, what we're interested in, etc, just because we are so open and we like knowing what the other person is thinking and feeling."

"Maybe other people are more private, but this would feel like a red flag to me." - friendo_1989

"I've had several GA surgeries, and it's never occurred to me to delete anything off my phone. Seems like something that would occur to people who have been and want to continue hiding something."

"This is so suspicious. Op is definitely NOR!" - Beanz4ever

"NOR. I've been knocked out for five major surgeries, one minor, and many procedures since giving birth to my youngest, and I've never thought to delete anything off of my phone when leaving it with my mom or now ex-husband, and everyone knows my passcode."

"Someone who has nothing to hide wouldn't even think to do that. NOR again." - Mother_Simmer

"I've absolutely deleted rage texts I sent to my sis about relationship problems, but it's more to not re-trigger him if he ever did decide to snoop, as I almost always chat with him about it after sorting out my feelings with my sis."

"Even that is exceedingly rare."

"We have the healthiest relationship I've ever had, so I think we'd find very little to be angry over in each other's phones."

"Would he be concerned with why I'm following so many local cat and dog rescue groups? Yes."

"Would I be irritated about the conversation he's having with a farmer about buying an upgrade for the tractor we don't even really need? Yes."

"Would he be jealous about the rescued kittens and puppies I'm planning to cuddle. Probably."

"Am I actually irritated about all the pictures of me he has that make it look like he's married to a hobgoblin? For sure."

"Would he be confused about why I downloaded so many pictures of the ducklings that the farmer with the tractor parts for sale has posted on the local livestock page? Not, not really."

"In short, I have nothing to hide, so I have nothing to delete. NOR." - YesterdaySimilar2069

"I've had four major surgeries in the last 18 years (38 now), with the longest one being eight hours. I gave my significant other my phone every single time and said, 'Please use my phone for any updates to my family if necessary, and if you see someone text me, you can respond and update them.'"

"If you are purposely deleting apps before someone might have your phone, you are definitely hiding something."

"Even subconsciously, he was doing something to protect himself because right before a major surgery, you aren't thinking about what someone might see; you are thinking about who YOU might never see again." - greggmb20

Others agreed with the NOR rating and argued that the history of cheating said it all.

"These stories always slip in an, 'Oh, he already proved to me that he's not above cheating on me in the past, I'm sure it's different now, though.'"

"NOR, but... use your brain. He obviously is inappropriately messaging people again." - Arrdy_P1r5t3

"'We did have some issues in the past before we were married. He had been messaging an ex-girlfriend inappropriately. I forgave him and we worked through it.' Sorry, OP, but that's a red flag."

"This reminds me of what happened with my ex-husband. Before we were married, he was engaging in inappropriate messaging. He apologized, deleted the apps, and swore it would never happen again."

"Then I caught him cheating the first time, and he was 'so sorry.' Then it happened again. And again (while I was going through cancer treatment!)"

"And then I finally developed a spine. I realized he was a pathological liar and probably sex or p*rn addict, as well. And finally, I realized I deserved better than that, and acted on it."

"Hopefully, OP's guy is not that bad. But what sticks with me from that experience is something I wish someone had told me when I was younger: when people show you who they are, you should believe them." - OJ_AK

"NOR. Forgiving does not mean ignoring unusual behavior that lines up with possibly cheating again, or possibly heading down that path. It does not mean never questioning your partner again, or never having boundaries to help you feel secure in their faithfulness."

"Once he is recovered from anesthesia and able to communicate well, OP should tell him that something that he did preparing for surgery made her feel uncomfortable, and she wanted to ask him about it. Like, 'It felt really weird that you deleted all the social media apps from your phone, and I was wondering why you did that.'"

"If he gets defensive, asks why you were looking through his phone, asks why you don't trust him or says things like, 'I thought you forgave me.' Those are red flags, and big ones."

"If it truly is something innocent, it is okay for him to have hurt feelings that she doubted his faithfulness, but he should still be willing to show her all his social media accounts, including their history, private messages, etc."

"OP, you are not overreacting. However, HOW you approach this conversation is important so that you are both out of a state of nervous system dysregulation before starting the conversation. It's scary and hard, but you and your children deserve a husband/father who is fiercely faithful to his wife." - eatingrichly

"NOR. He has a history of cheating, and it wasn't even with a previous partner but with you specifically. Listen to your gut. Your gut is telling you something for a reason."

"There are lots of ways you can 'find proof,' but it's also okay for you to just decide that you don't trust him and don't want to be with him. You don't need proof, you don't need a reason."

"If you are going to think he's cheating all the time, that's an absolutely horrible state of mind to be in, not to mention it's not nice for him to be accused of cheating either if he's innocent, even if you don't always say it."

"If he's not cheating, you both deserve a relationship with trust, and if you can't provide that, then it may be better to split up. But if he is cheating, you deserve better than that."

"Remember that your relationship is how you model for your children what kind of relationships they'll look for. Do you want your children to be in relationships where they're accepting their partner, not trusting them or cheating?" - GeminiJuSa

"I'm going to save you the headache and stress. He deleted the apps because he's hiding something from you. With a history of cheating under his belt, it's safe to assume he is cheating on you through the apps he deleted."

"Now you can accept this and move on and never bring it up or bother you, or you dig into this and get the truth of the matter. Don't allow him to gaslight you or tell you what you want to hear."

"Seek the truth. And don't be upset with what you find. Take it for what it is and decide from there if it's something you can live with in your future."

"AND assume that he will never change, and it will happen again a third time. Because that's what these kinds of people do. They never truly change."

"I'm unfortunately speaking from experience and am almost divorced. I truly wish someone sat me down and really hammered in that people who show you who they are the first time are not lying, and choosing to ignore or forgive will ONLY hurt you in the end."

"You were lucky; yours showed you who he was before marriage. Mine hid it well and I didn't discover his ugly secrets until afterwards, and forgave him. And it got so, so much worse."

"Don't betray yourself again and see who it is you married before you. Do you really want to put up with that? Choose yourself." - wildglitteringolive

Though the subReddit agreed that now was not the time to talk about this, and that the OP should wait until their husband came home from the hospital, they were otherwise left side-eyeing the husband's actions.

Not only was this a weird thing to do before surgery, never mind the fact that it was weird to even be worried about it during an emergency situation, but it was also suspicious, given the husband's potential history with cheating.

The husband deserved space to heal from his surgery first, but once he was stable, it was clear to the subReddit that the OP and their husband needed to have a conversation before things could potentially get worse.