There are a few things that are guaranteed to hurt a relationship: disagreements about physical intimacy, whether or not to have children, and financial management.
But at least if these disagreements are going to come up, it’s best for them to be revealed early to save everyone the time and heartache, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Environmental-Law670 had been on a few dates with a woman who they thought they liked, but in between dates, she claimed to have fallen on “tough times.”
When she expected him to send her money to help her out, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure whether they were a match anymore.
They asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for not wanting to talk to this girl anymore?”
The OP had recently started dating a woman they liked.
“I went on two dates with this girl I liked (or used to like).”
“On the first date, she demanded I bring her a gift. I thought that was strange, but I like buying flowers for girls, so I got her some. She really liked it.”
“We went to dinner and went out for drinks. I paid for all of it, but I didn’t mind, because I planned it. The date was going so well, we went to the movies after (and I paid for that too).”
The pair quickly fell into the habit of the OP paying for everything.
“The second date was very spontaneous. We went to a Mexican restaurant, and we had a great time.”
“Although, we were talking about love languages, and she said hers is receiving gifts. Nothing wrong with liking to receive gifts, but that set another alarm in my head.”
“After that date, we said we would go on a third one.”
When she reached out and demanded money, that was the final straw for the OP.
“Yesterday I was texting her, and she said she’s experiencing tough times and said, ‘I would really appreciate your support; here’s my Cash App. Thank you again for helping me out.'”
“In my head, I was like, ‘What the f**k? We’ve been on two dates, and you’re already asking for money?!'”
“I feel like that’s a huge red flag and that she only wants my money.”
“Is this just how dating goes now, or am I overreacting?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some slipped in a joke about the OP’s free trial being over.
“NOR. Looks like you’ve reached the end of the ‘free’ trial.” – tankman77777
“You can return the relationship, and I would, but I have to warn you, there’s no warranty.” – Man_wo_a_career
“‘My love language is receiving gifts’ is hilarious. What a coincidence- my love language is somebody paying all of my bills. I’m feeling very UNLOVED over here! Where’s the love?!” – honestypen
Others were glad that the OP learned their date’s true personality before spending more time dating.
“Well, congratulations. She presented the real version of herself after two dates, and you can now save your wallet and your mental well-being.”
“Who sends their Cash App, gifts as a love language is fine, but her Cash App, that’s like in the movie better off read where she whips out the adding machine to calculate what 50% of the date was worth so HE could pay her.” – RaptorOO7
“Wanting gifts is just code for ‘I’m poor and will use you for money.’ Tough world out there, many of my girlfriends only want a man who will pay for everything, even if they have money if their own. Good luck.” – Imaginary-Ninja-1588
“You guys do what works for you, but … how is receiving presents a ‘language’ at all? Language implies active, outbound effort to connect. Receiving is a form of listening, therefore passive behavior, no?”
“If I told my wife my love language is having her wait on me while I watch football, it wouldn’t go over well. How would she know I love her, or regard her as anything more than a beer bottle opener?” – AnotherPint
“She’s definitely using you. You’re not overreacting.” – Economy-Natural-3453
“NOR, as a woman, I’m telling you to RUN… unless you have an endless supply of money and you’re so desperate, you don’t care if you’re being used.” – Mildly_Alive_Fox
“Definitely not overreacting. After only two dates, I cannot imagine ever asking someone for money, even in the BIGGEST emergency ever. RUN.” – tamerriam
“Sometimes people in relationships feel uncared for and unappreciated despite their partners putting in a lot of effort.”
“The love language thing suggests that this is because the partner is not ‘speaking the other person’s love language,’ for example, a boyfriend could wake up earlier every day so that his girlfriend would wake up to a fresh cup of coffee, but he rarely/never says, ‘I love you.'”
“The proposed solution is to learn each other’s love language so that you could express your love in a way that is appreciated. Of course, none of this is related to the post itself, OP has just found himself a leech.” – Rezenbekk
“Massive red flag. You’re not the only guy she’s talking to or going on dates with. Cut it off now, she’s trying to turn you into one of her simps.” – Lost-Mongoose-8962
“NOR. It might be how some people treat dating now, but the rest of us don’t have to go along with it!! She doesn’t want a boyfriend. She wants a sugar daddy.” – m_arabsky
“NOR. She sounds like a gold digger, not someone to date.” – KellieBom
“NOR. That’s kinda odd of her tbh. There’s nothing wrong with gifts being someone’s love language, but demanding it and then sending your Cash App when you haven’t paid for anything so far is insane.” – CaffeineCartoon
“I feel like a true ‘receiving gifts love language’ is a mix of giving and receiving gifts AND loving any gifts. Like, picking wildflowers or a handmade gift or just a thoughtful gesture is a kind of gift and to just be truly appreciative. Not constantly spending money.”
“So I feel like NOR because she sounds like she’s expecting money to be spent on her during every interaction, which is ridiculous.” – Illustrious_Bird_737
“No. NOR.”
“Tell her that you appreciate that you had the opportunity to get to know her better, but that your values don’t really align. Wish her well.”
“And move on.”
“As someone who had to kiss a lot of frogs before I met my partner of 19 years: Princess Charming is looking for you just as much as you’re looking for her. She’s out there, and she’s worth it.” – Candid-Mycologist539
“‘Love languages’ are garbage. People use this like they were diagnosed by a doctor or something.”
“And I’m very sorry, OP, but those weren’t dates. You were on very pleasant sugar daddy appointments; she just didn’t tell you. I mean, she kinda hinted but…” – TodayIAmMostlyEating
“Usually, when gifts are your love language, that is also how you show your love. Gifts are one of mine, and I give way more than I receive, and I love doing it.”
“It’s kind of reminding me of how men will say theirs is physical touch, so they hope they can get you to sleep with them sooner. It’s giving that vibe.” – Extension-While4732
“NOR, and I’m willing to bet if you told her no, she would suddenly drop off the face of the Earth to you or blow up at you. There are more women out there; this one seems questionable right off the bat. Good luck.” – ksnyer
“Nope, NOR, she’s treating it as transactional. I’m willing to bet that the minute you aren’t able or unwilling to give her what she wants, she’s out.”
“If you need closure, test the theory. Tell her you can’t afford to send her any money or even that you’d feel it was insulting to both of you, that either of you should give money to the other and (very firmly) that isn’t something you’d even consider. See what happens next…” – Severe-Log-0675
“From a woman’s perspective, even if you’re overreacting, that’s okay, because later, you’ll regret it. Real/genuine girls never ask or demand gifts, and that two on the first date. And who even asks for gifts? If you’re asking for it, I don’t think that’s called a gift anymore. Safer and better for you to react now than suffer later.” – RespectMiserable6468
“NOR. Only gift people things that show they’re genuinely interested in you and are a decent person. Thing is, OP is clearly not very experienced in dating, so she took advantage of him. You can’t expect everyone to understand, but OP is learning a valuable lesson right here.”
“Could’ve been worse. Some guys fund a woman’s life for years, and she consistently disrespects him and shows barely any appreciation.” – Least_Stand_2707
The subReddit was left side-eyeing the woman that the OP had been dating, not only for letting the OP pay for absolutely everything without a single offer to even cover the tip, but to reach out in between a second and third date, demanding money.
We’ve all fallen on hard times at some point, and we might even have asked for help. But we would have reached out to loved ones who we’d trust with that information, and people who would trust us to pay them back. Someone we’ve met twice is far from sharing that history.