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Vegan Stunned By Boyfriend’s Reaction After He Learns She’s Been Cooking Plant-Based Meals For Months

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Redditor TheElderAgrippina is a 21-year-old woman who thought she was very clear with her boyfriend about being vegan from the moment they went out on their first dinner date.

After the three-and-a-half-month mark in their relationship, they decided to celebrate Christmas together since neither was close with their families.

But when the topic of her dietary preference came up, the occasion wound up being anything but merry.

She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for ‘tricking’ my boyfriend into eating vegan?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained what led to the blowout.

“I am vegan and have been so for several years. I started dating ‘John’ (male 22) about three and a half months. We’ve gotten along wonderfully except for this past issue.”

“When we went out to dinner for the first time I told him I was vegan when ordering my dish and he just kind of went ‘oh, cool’ and started talking about something else.”

“It never really came up ever again as a point of discussion, though when he’s come over and I’ve made lunch/dinner it’s always been dishes. I’ve never tried to actively hide this from him.”

“When he asked what we were having I’d say things like ‘burgers’ and I assumed that he knew it would naturally be something like impossible burgers.”

“For Christmas neither of us could afford to travel home and neither are very close to our families so we had Christmas at my apartment and I cooked dinner, vegan lasagna.”

“After dinner we were watching some cooking show and a contestant was making something with fake meat. John commented how he hated when dishes pretended to be meat when it was plant based and it was deceptive and gross and he would never eat that.”

“I was naturally very confused and pointed out that he’s eaten that several times. When he questioned me I explained that dinner had been entirely vegan with fake meat and every time he’s eaten at my place it’s been a vegan dish.”

“He got really mad. I’m trying to keep this post concise but he accused me of tricking him into eating something he found disgusting and ‘forcing’ my diet on him. I said he was stupid for being mad at this and he said it would be the same as if he had tricked me into eating meat.”

“I said it wasn’t the same because I was morally opposed to eating meat but nobody was morally opposed to eating plants. We argued some more and he left and went home. He hasn’t been over since.”

“Yesterday I texted him trying to smooth things over and hoping he’s cooled down. He wrote a few paragraphs about how betrayed he felt. He said that he hoped I understood how disappointed he felt that I would tamper with his food like that, and that something like this was a serious betrayal of his trust.”

“He said I should have disclosed that none of the food I ever made contained meat. He finished it by saying he would come over for New Years only if I apologized for lying to him. I got frustrated and said that I didn’t lie, that this wasn’t something I should apologize for, and he was being stupid and childish. He hasn’t replied.”

In an edit, the OP clarified a few points brought up by Redditors:

“No, he’s never helped me cook dinner. He usually waits in the living room and sets up a music playlist and sets the table and stuff. I don’t mind that much, since my apartment is small and the kitchen might get kind of cramped.”

“I find cooking really relaxing too and tend to zone out. He doesn’t ask about it other than ‘what are we having?’ and it’s not discussed that much while we eat.”

“If he had asked where I bought the ingredients or how I’ve prepared it it’s not like I would lie and say it was real meat.”

“This is the first major fight we’ve had and I don’t want to end such a great relationship over it, I just feel like no matter how much I try to explain my point of view he keeps trying to make me sound like a villain.”

“I felt like I was going crazy because this is the first time he’s made me feel like this. I don’t think I’m going to cave and apologize for this though.”

“If he wants to act like a baby then I think I just won’t spend New Years with him. I’ll just invite some of my other friends over and we’ll watch Succession or something together.”

Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.

“So… the boyfriend knew OP was vegan, ate burgers with her at her house while she was cooking and didn’t ask anything? I almost feel sorry for him for being that stupid.”

“NTA.” – linniepoes

“NTA. The bigger issue is that he didn’t pay attention to you telling him you are vegan.”

“He is showing signs of not caring about your beliefs and that his needs should come first.” – FussyBritchesMama

“Oh good lord. I hate this kind of thing. He ate and enjoyed the food… UNTIL he learned there was no meat in. Give me a break. NTA.”

“Time for a new boyfriend who shows just a bit more maturity than a 10 year old.” – SonuvaGunderson

“NTA what an idiot. He didn’t notice his own girlfriend was vegan. I suspect he paid zero attention when you told him you were vegan and has no memory of it.”

“I’d dump him for that alone.”

“On the bright side, good job serving such excellent food that he didn’t even notice.” – wolfcaroling

“NTA. The fact that he didn’t notice is a huge compliment to the producers of vegan and vegetarian products and to you as a cook.”

“He’s probably healing from his bruised ego as he, and so many other men, consider eating vegan a direct assault on their masculinity. I am flexitarian myself but if I am on a date with a guy who says he would NEVER even try it, there will be no second date.”

“You don’t have to be vegan or vegetarian but you should be open to trying new things.” – ConsciousCranberry99

“He is the a**hole. He never said anything to you about his repulsion of fake meat, and if you knew it earlier you would have never fed him fake meat or such.”

“Also he would be an asshole to expect that you would buy and cook real meat for himself. If you are vegan and he doesn’t want fake meat he has to buy it and cook it himself.”

“But sincerely as a fellow vegan I would never thinking of apologizing or staying with someone that would be grossed at fake meat. But of course I would first try to have a conversation to make him understand your point as a vegan and why he should not have any reason to hate plant based meat.” – PlonixMCMXCVI

“Does there have to be an a**hole? Cause I feel like this would be a job for subReddit AreTheyADumba**. This guy is definitely a dumba**. Then, to try and cover up what a dumba** he is, he’s a big a**hole.”

“On a side note, you can be morally opposed to vegan fake meat. When livestock are an excellent all natural way to convert calories that people can’t eat into meat that people can eat, who wants their food factory processed?”

“You didn’t trick him into eating Vegan food though. He’s a dumba**.” – Flux_State

“So let me get this straight.”

“A young woman cooks you a nice dinner frequently, even though it’s not meat and the first reaction is to complain it’s not meat?”

“Sorry, but he sounds like a total tool bag.” – Bighairyaussiebear

“No, NTA. If your BF refused to come to NYE, and still acting this way; you should break up with him.”

“Inform him his stupidity over not remembering from date 1 you said you was vegan, and not noticing how you ate and ordered food elsewhere than your home only shows how childish he is acting. He never complain the food was bad, never acted like it was hard for him to eat, nor shown interest into what you made.”

“You never hid it, while you should and consider the fact you never openly said; ‘oh this is vegan’. But the fact you told him you was vegan; what part of his mind did he think she is vegan but eats burgers?”

“SMH I think in truth he is more upset he said what he said, and when you made him realize he had been eating vegan knowing you was vegan he felt stupid. Sorry if this relationship is working back out, or ended already.”

“But in the end his actions here are beyond stupid and merit a break up if he chose to drag his BS out.” – Gandoff2169

“Normally I would be VERY reactive to someone swapping food out without telling me BUT—because you have a bit of a history together with this it changes everything.”

“I tried going vegan for a couple of years and my doctor begged me to quit because I’ve never been so sick in my life. Part of it has to do with my metabolism/immune system, but mainly because my doctor is trying to get me away from processed foods.”

“My daughter is also very allergic to soy, so this could be really bad for her. But we both realize this is our issue and make a point to ask whenever we eat food that others have prepared.”

“I have some friends who are vegan and they always always tell me when they have fake meat in their food. Asking if anyone has dietary needs is out of respect, and so we talked about this ahead of time.”

“This isn’t about me though, and I hope that you two can sort this through. My hunch is that this may be an ego/trust thing for him but who knows for sure until he’s willing to talk more.”

“It doesn’t sound like this was a health issue for him at all, which is confusing. Hopefully this won’t be a sticking point in your relationship.” – copasetical

“I was just reading another post where a vegetarian made meat substitute food and someone went to the hospital. The vegetarian was asked by the person what the ingredients in the meal were and the vegetarian didn’t tell them about the soy in the ‘meat’ (because that would ruin the reveal).”

“That case is definitely one where the person was tricked and rightfully upset. In this case though, he didn’t ask.”

“You assumed he knew that since you were vegan you were making vegan food and apparently assumed you were making his food with real meat but making your food with not real meat.”

“Or, as someone else mentioned, he’s a sh*tty boyfriend who didn’t even know you’re vegan. I’m kinda thinking the latter, since his comments while watching the show are pretty insensitive to say to someone who eats ‘deceptive and gross’ meat substitutes.”

“It sucks but honestly if he’s that stupid/inattentive/insensitive, cry it out and then move on to someone better.” – dunno966

“He seems pretty odd. I’m not vegan, but there are a lot of completely normal foods out there which have no animal products in them. Especially Indian food.”

“My SO also makes a lot of vegan food for me and if it’s good, it’s good. I just.. don’t see why that would ever be a problem. Good food is good food, period.”

“But I will say – this might be highlighting a red flag with him. That level of rigidity and stubbornness is probably not unique to his meat eating.”

“Villifying you is also NOT okay. So while it might not be worth breaking up with him over the diet stubbornness, his reactions do not make him seem like a quality long-term partner.” – SexualizedCucumber

Overall, Redditors thought that John’s failure to remember her eating preference was a huge indication of incompatibility.

On a side note, Redditors lauded the OP for her exceptional cooking skills at making dishes that tasted not that much different from ones that contained meat.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a New York-based actor and writer. Originally hailing from Los Angeles, he received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese. Disney parks are his passion, and endless cups of coffee are a necessity. Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1