Sharing is caring.
Hence why when a friend or family member asks to borrow something, our inclination is to say yes.
However, some items requested for borrowing might simply be too valuable to lend.
Nor are we quite as eager to allow some people to borrow as we are others.
Redditor No_Entrepreneur_6017 was given a very special, and very expensive, gift from a grandparent.
A gift that some family friends were hoping to borrow for an upcoming special occasion.
An occasion the original poster (OP) was not eager to lend out their property for.
After being scolded by her family for this decision, the OP took to the subreddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for not wanting a family friend to use my chocolate fountain at their wedding cuz I'm not invited?"
The OP explained why they were less than eager to lend a friends of her family a precious possession:
"I 16 F[emale] had my birthday in November my grandfather gifted me a $600 chocolate fountain with delicious expensive chocolate to put inside of it."
"The chocolate is way gone, but I still own the chocolate fountain."
"I do not use it a lot, but it is one of my most prized possessions."
"Some backstory, my sister has celiac disease, so she cannot eat gluten, so we decided to invite our family friends over so we could have a gluten-free chocolate fountain taste testing without risk of cross-contamination."
"The family friend is my mother's best friend, we will call her Cherry. Cherry has two daughters."
"One of her daughters has a boyfriend who is planning to propose soon."
"While they were at the house, they were talking about how they're gonna do their wedding."
"I wasn't paying much attention, but then I overheard that nobody under 21 is allowed to come."
"I was a little bummed knowing I would probably still be under 21 by the time they get married, but it's not a big deal until they started talking about my chocolate fountain."
"They were telling my mom how much they wanted to have it at their wedding."
"My mom didn't see a problem with it, on the other hand, I am not OK with this."
"Maybe this will make me seem like a brat, but if I'm not invited to their wedding, I don't owe them anything."
"However, my mom thinks I would be a sh*tty person if I didn't let them borrow it because I've known them my whole life."
"But here's the thing I'm not close to any of them."
"Cherry is my mom's best friend."
"Her oldest daughter used to be my babysitter, and her youngest daughter is my sister's best friend."
"These people have been in our family since before I was born."
"They aren't engaged yet, but they will be very soon. My sister is 19, and they are waiting until she's 21 to have the wedding so that she can drink."
"If things go as according to plan, my mother and my father, and my sister will all attend the wedding and me and my 7 yr old brother will not be attending the wedding will probably not happen for another 2 to 3 years, which means I'll be 18-19 I do not expect them to not have their wedding until I'm 21."
"So am I the a**hole if I don't let her use my chocolate fountain?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for not lending her chocolate fountain to her family's friends' wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to protect her property, noting that chocolate fountains are extremely delicate and that lending it out could also be dangerous to her sister's health if others didn't keep it gluten-free.
"NTA also, if it's kept gluten-free, the wedding could risk that."
"It's a valid reason, but also, you've given them your answer."
"No is a full sentence."
"You aren't bratty."
"I'm 40, and I would say no if I wasn't invited or was then invited because they think it will convince me to loan the item."- HereComesTheSun000
"NTA, Never lend things that you care about."- TheVoiceofReason_ish
"NTA."
"It's not a commercial product."
"They can rent one."
"No one gets to loan out someone's property."- Silver_Adagio138
"NTA."
"It was gifted to you."
"You get to decide who, if anyone, gets to borrow it."
"You Mom/Dad/Family don't get a vote here."
"It's not theirs to lend."
"Maybe see if there is somewhere you can store it when your family will not have access."-Objective-Pound2185
"NTA Tell your grandfather if they keep pressing you on this, I don't think he'd approve; it was a gift, one of your most prized possessions, and you aren't even invited to this event."
"If something happens to it, if it's stolen or broken…I guarantee they won't replace it or at the very least apologize, they may even keep it because 'she's a kid why does she need it' then what?"
"You don't owe them anything especially your sh*t."
"They are adults who can rent or buy a chocolate fountain for the wedding instead of trying to force you to give them yours without you coming to the wedding."
"Your mom should never have said yes to them without talking with you and asking."
"If they wanna blame someone, they can blame her."- OriginalSlight
"No one is taking MY $600 present out of my sight."
"Simple."
"Things get broken, and an 'OVER 21' event sounds like a booze fest."
"Sorry. Nope."
"Drunken uncle or 3rd cousin could have that on the floor in pieces, easy peasy."
"OR...."
"Do they want to leave a $600 deposit?"
"$500 back if it comes home in the same condition it went out in?"
"I mean - you'd need a rental agreement, but it works."
"NTA."- grayblue_grrl
"NTA."
"'Sorry, we actually don't let people rent it out or borrow it'."
"Then hide it and be done with the conversation."- MondayMadness5184
"NTA."
"Weddings get wild, and Reddit is full of stories of people borrowing stuff and damaging it without reparation."
"Even if you are indeed invited, think twice about lending the fountain."- Narniana
"NTA."
"No is no."- Own_Owl_7568
"I think the legit danger of gluten cross-contamination alone means you're NTA."- WhatWouldKikiDo
"NTA."
"You wouldn't be the a-hole if you WERE invited, either, but that certainly adds an extra layer."
"Totally reasonable to have a 21 and up wedding."
"But ridiculous to try and help themselves to something of yours."
"Especially if your intent is to keep it celiac-friendly, I have no idea how lending it to a venue to do whatever with might affect that."
"If they want one, they can pay a rental fee for one."- elvie18
"NTA."
"They can rent one if it's that important to them."
"They want to borrow yours because it's free."
"And if they want something from you and feel close enough to ask, then you should be close enough to be invited."- EfficientSociety73
"NTA, let them rent one."
"You said it, they're NOT your friends."- UncleDuude
"NTA."
"I had a very nice electric bike given to me by a friend, it was used but it was still in great condition."
"I rode that thing around all the time."
"I went to visit my dad for the weekend one time, and when I came back, my bike was gone."
"My mother, who likes to just let people borrow things without asking, loaned my bike to a family friend who proceeded to crash it because they took it off-roading, thinking it was a dirt bike."
"My mother was furious that I took them to small claims court to get myself a new bike."
"They paid it out, but the only reason I was able to do that was that I was 19 at the time."
"At 16, it would be a nightmare for you to attempt to get your chocolate fountain back if they broke it or decided not to return it."
"If it is something you prize, then don't loan it to people."
"You never alone anything that your emotionally attached to to anybody that you don't like well enough to forgive."- umnoactuallynot
The OP later returned with an update, sharing where things currently stood with her family:
"I just talked to my mom, and she said she never heard them make the comment about me not being able to come, so she understands if I don't want them to use it, but my sister still thinks I'm the a**hole if I don't let them use it.
It's not difficult to see why the OP's mother and sister didn't think lending out the OP's chocolate fountain would be such a big deal.
But lending out a fragile piece of machinery that has very special meaning to the OP, for an occasion the OP will be excluded from, is asking a lot.
Ultimately, when someone asks to use something that isn't yours, it's always a good idea to ask first...
