Surprise parties are not everyone’s cup of tea.
Public displays that make them the center of attention are not everyone’s cup of tea either.
For people with anxiety disorders or PTSD, both of those things can be more panic than happiness inducing. And one would expect their significant other to know that.
But what if your spouse ignored your anxiety to give the party they want for your birthday?
A Redditor dealing with that issue turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on their response.
The Redditor asked:
“AITA for embarrassing my husband by leaving my party and going home?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Last Saturday my husband and eight of our friends went to a local pub to celebrate my 40th birthday. Restrictions where I live are loosened so we thought we would go and have a nice meal and chat with friends that we haven’t been able to spend time with in over a year.”
“I am very introverted and shy. I do not like large groups of people, and I start getting anxious and have trouble breathing in very loud environments.”
“My husband knows this, and is aware of this, and has been throughout the entirety of our 18 year marriage.”
“When we go to the restaurant he was acting very odd, I just chalked it up to it being our first time in a restaurant in over a year. Right after we finished eating he excused himself to go to the restroom.”
“About five minutes later he returns with a giant balloon bouquet, a cake and a line of wait staff behind him clapping and singing. All of our friends at the table were recording me on their phones, people at other tables were clapping and all I wanted to do was crawl under the table and hide.”
“The noise was unbearable to me, I started sweating and shaking and couldn’t breathe so I excused myself from the table and left the restaurant.”
“I took an Uber home and left my husband at the restaurant (he drove his car), with everyone else. When I got home, I just laid in the bed and cried.”
“I felt humiliated.”
“He came home an hour later yelling at me and accusing me of embarrassing him. I yelled back that he knew I do not like things like that, and he knows how I feel about it.”
“I told him that he completely humiliated me in front of all of our friends and complete strangers. He said that it was my 40th birthday and I should be grateful to him for planning such an event.”
“I told him I was not grateful, that he did not consider my feelings at all, and that he truly betrayed me by doing this.”
“He is currently not speaking to me, he says that I need to send an apology text to all of our friends and make things right. He also says that he will not speak to me until I apologize to him for making a scene at the restaurant.”
“AITA for leaving the restaurant and embarrassing him?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. He tried to do a kind gesture, but at this point in your marriage he should have known how uncomfortable it would have made you.”
