After the end of her marriage due to her husband’s infidelity, a woman moved on and created a great new life with a man she loves and a baby girl. But her new child caused complications for her ex-husband’s life.
Now she’s wondering if she did something wrong. She turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to find out.
Redditor daisycherryblossoms asked:
“AITA for not telling my ex I got pregnant?”
They elaborated:
“I (28 F) was with my ex-husband for about 6 years. During this time, we were trying for a baby but had no success.”
“About 4 years into our marriage, our marriage had hit a rough patch. My ex had stress at work and slept with his coworker to ‘relieve’ it. He confessed to me rather quick and a week later, they sat me down and told me they were expecting a child.”
“I was an idiot back then and so I felt like I should forgive him because I truly believed he loved me and I thought I had no one.”
“It wasn’t. My ex’s family treated me like their own, but my ex’s supposed daughter was the apple of their eye. As a result of that, my ex’s coworker was a frequent presence in our lives.”
“They felt like they had to include the mom of their grandchild for everything too and she made her way in every family picture and memory. It didn’t help that I suspected that the coworker had feelings for my ex and flirted with him when she can.”
“People thought that she was my ex’s wife constantly and I finally had enough when during the baby girl’s first birthday party when I was told to take a picture of my ex, his mistress, his daughter, and his parents and it didn’t include me. It hit me that I was now treated as the other woman and I realized that I deserved more than this bullshit.”
“I filed for divorce a few months later and left. It was the hardest time of my life but I ended up getting a promotion at work and met this sweet, wonderful guy.”
“Fast forward to now, me and my boyfriend are madly in love and I gave birth to an adorable baby girl that I considered a miracle baby. I got pregnant with my boyfriend like 3 months after dating him and I thought that it was strange that this could happen since my previous failed attempts with ex [and I] had thought that I was the infertile one.”
“It crossed my mind then that maybe he was the infertile one and he only believed mistress was pregnant with his child because they were having an affair. I didn’t say anything though because it was not my place anymore.”
“However, my boyfriend was so happy about my daughter’s birth and posted it on Facebook and tagged me in the post. I was still friends with my ex [sister-in-law] on FB and she saw the post.”
“She called me up and said that she was hurt that I didn’t let her know that I could actually get pregnant and the lack of a child during my first marriage could be my ex’s fault.”
“He took a paternity test.”
“The poor baby girl was NEVER my ex’s. The coworker apparently was dating this ‘terrible’ guy during the time she slept with my ex and didn’t know who the child’s father was so she just strung my ex along cause she had feelings for him and thought he’d be the best father for her child.”
“Now my ex blames me for not telling him that I was pregnant way before and him having to father this girl. He’s doing pretty bad now and I can’t help but feel guilty like I should’ve told him.”
It was time for Redditors to weigh in and tell the OP if she was:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors were pretty universal in their response.
“NTA. Your ex cheated, you moved on. He has now abandoned the lady that drove a wedge in your relationship because she was sleeping with another when you were married to him.”
“He is TA. His life choices are in no way your fault. Cut him out.”
“Congratulations for moving on. Go and enjoy your new family. New man sounds like he is going to be a much better father.” ~ alexm1982uk
“NTA. Sucks to be him. He cheated on you and got conned. You’re under no obligation to give them information.” ~ DigitalRabbit75
“You’re NTA, but how could you possibly be the a**hole for not telling your EX-husband that you got pregnant in your new relationship? All you had to work off of before the paternity test were assumptions and theories!” ~ Pterodactyl_Noises
“Can we all just appreciate the mother’s horror when she realizes that portrait that started the divorce isn’t even of her own grandchild.”
“Classic.”
“NTA.” ~ Kebar8
The OP came back to address some questions and comments from their fellow Redditors.
“I honestly posted this not to seek validation that my ex supposedly is the worst ever, but to gain perspective since my ex and his family were MY family and close confidantes for a large period of my life. We were pretty close and I had promised to keep in touch after the divorce (which they were super upset about), but I really couldn’t after everything that happened between us.”
“They’re now super pissed at me for the divorce and for being complicit in my ex taking on the expenses of his not-daughter and forming a paternal connection with her for longer than he should’ve.”
They added a second update to let everyone know what the current status is.
“So here’s what’s been happening right now, I haven’t spoken to them after this and have been avoiding my ex’s calls. He texted me saying that he is sorry and overreacted and felt guilty about prioritizing ‘people who were never really family’ over me.”
“I only replied with asking how his daughter is because even though she isn’t biologically his, she’s still his girl. She seems like an adorable kiddo and adores her dad :(.”
“My ex‘s mistress is able to support the girl financially so my ex won’t contribute to that but he says that he’s still going to see her every month because he feels morally obligated to. I feel bad for the girl so much because she seems to have lost her family unit (dad, grandparents, cousins).”