It's no secret we live in a society in which unrealistic beauty standards and virtually unattainable "ideal" bodies are thrown in our faces.
Practically everywhere we turn, we are subjected to TV ads, endless social media accounts, and billboards and posters all over dedicated to flaunting desirable appearances.
Yes, we've come a long, but clearly, we've got an even longer way to go.
Already, women feel insecure about their imperfections (by others' standards, anyway) without input from anyone else.
But how should they feel when someone they love compares them to others—and over and over?
A woman on Reddit got fed up with her boyfriend constantly comparing her to other women while they were vacationing together, even going as far as to give suggestions, so she flew back home solo.
Now, of course, she turned to the "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor anonomonomoly asked:
"AITAH For leaving my boyfriend in a different state?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (26/F[emale]) need some perspective on a recent situation involving my boyfriend (30/M[ale]) during a trip to Florida."
"Throughout the trip, he kept comparing me to other women."
"Let's be honest, women in Miami often look like they just stepped off a magazine cover."
OP is into her "natural look," but that didn't matter to her boyfriend.
"Now, I don't wear much makeup, and I'm comfortable with my natural look."
"I believe in embracing authenticity and loving myself as I am."
"However, my boyfriend seemed infatuated with these women who looked like models."
"He couldn't stop mentioning how much better I'd look if I put in more effort like this girl right here or that girl over there, which made me feel inadequate and insecure."
It was pretty disheartening for OP to hear.
"Hearing your boyfriend or 3 years say 'you'd be more attractive if you looked like her. Doesn't make a woman feel good at all."
And she couldn't take it anymore.
"The tipping point came when we were at a restaurant, and he started telling me about how much better I'd look if I wore some more makeup and maybe showed a bit more skin."
"I decided to switch up the scenario and told him that I'd I'm expected to look better then he needs to lose some weight and maybe work on getting ahead of his hereditary male pattern baldness, a courtesy of his father, after this, he had a loud outburst, essentially berating me for not looking as attractive as the women around us."
"I was crushed."
"Here I was, trying to enjoy a vacation with someone I cared about, only to be publicly humiliated for not fitting some superficial standard of beauty."
So, OP left the situation.
"Feeling hurt, disrespected, and utterly fed up, I made the decision to cancel his flight and flew back to California alone."
"I refuse to be with someone who values superficial appearances over genuine connection and respect."
But now his family has an issue with the situation.
"Now, his family is pressuring me to pay for his accommodations and flight back home because he has no money."
"They seem to think I owe him something for his outburst, but I can't shake the feeling that I made the right decision for my own well-being."
"Am I the a**hole for leaving him behind to figure it out on his own?"
"I forgot to mention that I paid for our tickets and hotel room because he couldn't afford it but wanted to travel hence why he also couldn't get home."
Her fellow Redditors don't believe OP is in the wrong whatsoever.
Many agreed her boyfriend got what he was asking for.
"Hence the phrase 'never bite the hand that feeds you.'" - FitRegion5236
"if he knew he'd be stranded without her paying his way, then he should have been a hella lot more respectful."
"Part of me recognizes that she just left the guy stranded and possibly doesn't have a way out, but if he was saying all that sh*t to me when I paid for everything he's enjoying, he could find one of those Miami girls to help him get back." - Patchalakin
"Why are people so much of an idiot?"
"OP is paying for flights and hotel, and he keeps b*tching about how she doesn't dress more provocatively?"
"He deserves to have been left behind." - sdlucly
"Also, 'if thou F'eth Around, thou shalt Find Out'" - LitwicksandLampents
"She left the red flag back in Miami with his insults to support his dumb a**"
"nta. let his mom and dad pay for his plane ticket." - MsSeraphim
"OP delivered the find out." - BraveLaw5080
"Serves him right, lol, if his family are so concerned, let them pay for a flight or send him some money." - Over-Kaleidoscope-57
"NTA. He is an outsize jerk and deserved what he got."
"If he can't afford the flight, he can mooch on his family or work his way across."
"Not your problem." - DawnShakhar
Others mentioned the apple must not fall far from the tree.
"I find it interesting that the first thing his family tries to do is... make you pay for it instead of lending him some help themselves."
"Guess depending on others runs in the family" - Some_Ebb_2921
"A family of Dependapotumis" - ReasonableDivide1
"Learned behavior." - DutchPerson5
Some even noted OP's boyfriend should have been grateful she wasn't as scantily clad as the other women.
"I live in Florida, Miami is known for lots of plastic surgery and butt injections!"
"Also lots of skimpy outfits and tons of makeup."
"That's just how it is there, this guy is hilarious and should appreciate his girl who isn't like that and isn't looking for that type of attention from guys."
"Most guys would be happy their gf isn't 'showing more skin.'"
"If that's what he's looking for he can go pickup women outside the surgery center lol doubt anyone would want him though."
"What a man child" - gardengirlhi16
And others just straight-up jumped on the "manchild" train.
"Married a guy just like this. No job for years; I paid for everything, and he talked to me just like that."
"Divorced him 17 years later. He moved in with his mommy and daddy at age 42."
"Why? Because he's a manchild who doesn't know how to care for himself."
"The man you took on this vacation is also a manchild."
"His parents can figure out how to get him home."
"He is NOT your responsibility."
"If he wanted y'all to be one another's responsibility, he would have proposed at some point over the past 3 years, but he hasn't."
"You can afford - and did, in fact, pay for - this whole trip. He cannot and did not."
"You deserve so much better."
"You deserve someone who is at least a match with you financially or, better yet, someone who is doing even better, not a manchild that you have to raise and take on trips you pay for as if he is your teenage son or a broke roommate who sometimes gives you Os."
"You've gotten away. Stay away."
"He feels insecure about his life because he isn't making adequate money at 30 years old, and he was maliciously trying to make you feel bad about yourself to project some of his insecurities onto you in an area where he knows it will hurt and cause a trauma bond."
"It's a narcissistic tendency. I'm not saying he is a narcissist; we all have some tendencies, but this is definitely one."
"If isolated, it's totally sh*tty behavior, but if not isolated, it's pervasive and malicious."
"No one should ever be made to feel bad about themselves. No one deserves that."
"You did great in walking away and leaving him behind."
"I wish I'd have had the balls to do what you did before I married my manchild. He was exactly the same as yours."
"I wish I had walked away at any of the many red flags he raised before we got married, but I didn't because I thought I was 'supposed' to get married by a certain age and that he was as good a man as I was ever going to get."
"Boy, was I wrong! It took far too long for me to get away, and after 17 years of this sort of abuse, I had to go to therapy to figure out the difference between reality and the lies he was feeding me."
"It was so eye-opening."
"If I were in your shoes again at 26, knowing what I know now at age 42, I would walk away and block that a**hat's phone number, as well as that of both of his parents and any sibling or other flying monkey."
"Protect your peace!✌🏼" - LeggoMyEgo8
"Hahahaha this. Dude is a wanker."
"And it makes me so happy that his type only becomes less attractive with age, and he will end up with someone he'll compare to you."
"The dude can dish it out but can't take it."
"The manchild is not your problem." - SheDevil1818
It doesn't sound like OP should feel remorseful in the least about leaving her boyfriend behind.
Like other Redditors mentioned, if his family wants him home so badly, they can spring for a ticket.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you...
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.