Can we all just agree that women have a lot of better things to do than try to seduce random men? We're just living our lives!
I think as a society we need to stop sexualizing clothes such as sports bras when really we just want to work out and be comfortable in peace.
Redditor FroggySpirit encountered this very issue. So she turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
"AITA for wearing a sports bra outside of the gym?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"This situation happened a few weeks ago, but it's been brought back up this morning through an online disagreement. For context I live on a military base, so etiquette is a bit different."
"I go to the gym on base every weekday at the peak of the day (around 3/4PM) and my workouts are usually around half an hour of weightlifting. It's not a ridiculous regimen, but it does leave me hot and sweating."
"When I left the gym the other week it was also unusually hot outside, so I took off my shirt and walked the rest of the way to my car in my sports bra."
"It is by no means a frilly or revealing bra or anything like that, in fact if anything it squishes my girls in and makes me look like I have man pecs. On top of that I was sweating and exhausted, so not a good look all in all."
"Anyways two guys pulled up next to my car and I ended up standing around for a few moments waiting for one of the guys to get out of his side of the car because he was blocking my door. "
"The other dude joked at him to hurry up, I said it was no biggie, the first dude moved out of the way, and we all went about our respective day. I didn't even think anything of it until this morning."
OP was called out by another woman.
"I made a post on my neighborhood's Facebook group asking how much candy I should be buying since this is my first Halloween on this base."
"Not twenty minutes later I got a message from a random woman asking me if I workout at the gym on base, and after a few more questions she told me that one of the guys in that car was her husband and apparently he had talked about 'this hot chick that was flashing her body at the gym' to his work buddies."
"I guess one of his workmates told her about it, my tribal tattoo was mentioned somewhere in the mix, and she just so happened to stumble across that post and my profile picture, where you can clearly see my tattoo."
"Weird circumstance all in all, but then she proceeded to call me a home wrecking hoe and threatened to get me banned from the gym for breaking dress code."
"The dress code states that, amongst other typical things like proper PT wear, women aren't allowed to go in just a sports bra, but I didn't even take my shirt off until I was like 10 feet from the gym."
OP was confused.
"I just stated the above and told her that nothing even happened between me and her husband, but she replied that she was still going to report me to the gym and that 'I knew what I was doing by being indecent in public'."
"I haven't been able to respond to her because Facebook has been down since then, but that last sentence has had me thinking."
"I didn't really think much of being out in a sports bra, but I guess the only people that I really see going shirtless on base are men running the track or doing frisbee golf."
"And since etiquette is a little different on base, maybe I broke some unspoken rule about women not going out in public in just a sports bra."
"I don't, know but I'll accept any judgment I receive here."
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
"I am EXHAUSTED by the notion that a sports bra is 'showing off'…especially when men are often shirtless. Especially when sports bras are so unattractive. Especially when it's hot af and your clothes are sticking to you." ~ shefalls1278
"Yeah, a lot of them are closer to crop tops than to lingerie." ~ Bath-Optimal
"I'm big chested. Mine are closer to scaffolding than underwear and about as sexy too." ~ Pleasant-Koala147
"Sports bras are basically crop tops I don't get what's the problem. Many actual tops are more revealing than a sports bra."
"I don't go to the gym but I swear to god where I live people go jogging in sports bras and no one gives a second thought about it. THEY'RE JUST SHIRTS THAT KEEP BOOBS TUCKED IN BETTER THAN OTHER SHIRTS." ~ AngelForDemon
"The problem is pretty clear and it isn't the bra. It is the other lack of self control by the husband and his wife being jealous. There are 2 people to blame in this story and neither of them are OP." ~ tryoracle
"NTA! If her relationship with her husband is so precarious that a woman minding her own business in a parking lot will 'wreck her home' you're not the problem. It's between her and her husband, not you." ~ spartang1nger
OP added some edits.
"I've taken some of your suggestions into account and screenshot the conversation. I'll be heading to the gym later today and will make sure to clarify the dress code rules and make sure that I was following them."
"Preemptive apologies because this might be quite long, and apologies to those who I didn't get back to, I've been running errands all day and I'm not very active on social media to begin with."
"Just came back from the gym—the first thing I did was go to the front desk and ask about the dress code rules to make sure I didn't violate anything. The official verdict is that I was right on all counts: no it isn't against the rules, but it is sort of an unspoken rule for women to keep their shirts on at this base."
"For those who are interested I'm based at Fairchild, and for those who don't know it's sort of a smaller base with a generally middle-aged/older population (read: conservative). I didn't think to mention it in the post but I'm 23 and, thanks to the miracle that is weightlifting, have a banging body."
"It's really whatever, at the end of the day I can't change the community, I can only respect it."
"I also found out when I went to the front desk that the woman who messaged me had already called and made a complaint. Big thank you to everyone who told me to save our messages, because she ended up spinning some wild story about how I was running around the gym in booty shorts and a racy sports bra and none of the staff did anything about it!"
"I didn't think to mention my outfit that day either, but it was knee length spandex with a college sweatshirt, and the sports bra I was wearing was high neck and plain black."
"I gave them the date and general time that all of this went down and they checked the cameras, both indoors and out, and the footage showed that the woman was lying. So at least my gym time is safe."
"Lastly (deep breath), I did take everyone's advice and ended up blocking the woman, but I found out through my neighbor that she made a whole entire post about me on the Facebook group."
"In it she warned other married women that there is 'some young hoe dressing scantily at the gym and messing around with taken men,' gave them my description (I guess I blocked her before she could save any of my pictures), and told them to report me to the front desk if they saw me at the gym."
"She also went on a rant about how little girls don't respect the sanctity of marriage—didn't think to mention this in my post either (or any of my messages to her), but I also happen to be married. At the end of the day I don't really care about what strangers have to say about me, so I ended up just shrugging it off."
"Also big thanks to the service members who commented, it helped a lot seeing things from the viewpoint of others who are in the same position as me."
Sports bras are made for function, not to seduce random married men.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.