When more than one person lives in a house, hilarity will ensue.
Roommate situations are fraught with mess.
You can't control everything.
Case in point...
Redditor aggressive_adderall wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for 'flashing' my best friend's boyfriend?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (F[emale] 23) usually live alone."
"However my best friend Susie (F 24) and her boyfriend Tom (M[ale] 28) recently had some issues with their living situation."
"And so I offered for them to live with me for a while."
"They gratefully accepted, and have been living with me for a few weeks now."
"Because of the fact that I previously lived alone, I had got into the habit of wearing minimal or no clothing around the house."
"Obviously when Susie and Tom moved in I had to adjust to wearing more clothes around the house, out of respect for them."
"Well, a few nights ago I slipped up."
"I went to take a shower but realized afterwards I had left my towel in my bedroom."
"It's a common mistake I make due to absent-mindedness and, like I said, I'm used to living alone."
"I didn't want to get back into my dirty clothes, and it was late so I thought Susie and Tom would be asleep anyway."
"I decided to just chance it and go and grab a towel from my room."
"Unfortunately though I ran into Tom in the corridor, much to my embarrassment."
"He immediately looked away and, aside from it being pretty awkward, I didn't really see it as a big deal."
"I forgot about it and went to sleep afterwards."
"However, the next day Susie blew up on me, demanding to know why I was walking around the house naked and 'flashing' her boyfriend."
"I was shocked by this."
"I explained to her it wasn't like that at all and there was no sexual motive behind it, it was just a careless mistake on my part."
"She insisted I should've 'texted them beforehand to let them know I would be walking around naked.'"
"And also that I should've let her know about the incident immediately after."
"I'll be honest, I didn't really think to do either of those things."
"She said I was disrespectful, that I had betrayed her trust, and that I was an AH in how I handled the situation."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It's a tricky situation.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"NTA. This is literally your residence, and you're allowing your friend and her boyfriend to stay there."
"You didn't do this intentionally, and it sounds like Tom was a gentleman about the whole thing. Susie sounds insecure AF." ~ trashpanda44224422
"I've been on several threads now and seen this joke being fanned around a lot."
"I wonder how many here will catch wind of what it means."
"Also, nothing but facts from trashpanda44224422."
"And OP, her insecurities are NOT your problem."
"She's living in your house, is she paying rent?"
"Helping with anything?"
"Well, even if she is, your name is on the place - you're allowed to do the damn Macarena in all your nude glory bathed in the moonlight if it so pleases you. NTA." ~ Geek_Confessions
"The only response here is, 'I am so sorry that you feel betrayed and disrespected.'"
'"I understand that you can't comfortably continue to live here in light of my behavior.'"
'"So I won't be at all offended if you think you need to move out.'"
'"Don't worry - I'll even help you pack so you can leave more quickly and find somewhere safer.'"
"And then literally don't take no for an answer."
"She and her fiancé need to move out immediately for their own peace if mind."
"You don't know when you might forget your towel again, and you can't let her take that risk." ~ biscuitboi967
"NTA, but if you wanted to be one you could just text Susie every time you remove a piece of clothing."
"'Hey just so you know, I'm changing for the gym. I'll be partially naked in my room.'"
"Update: 'I'm done changing!" ~ 7hr0wn
"NTA - Susie's weird jealousy issues are her problem and not yours."
"Texting that you're going to be naked? Really?" ~ WilyEngineer
"If she didn't have a towel in the bathroom, would she have her phone? Maybe not."
"In any case she didn't think they were awake."
"If she thought they were asleep, should she have shouted a warning?"
"It was an accident and really no big deal. NTA." ~ Bicoastalgigi
A different thought...
"This might be an uncommon opinion, but light ESH besides the boyfriend."
"While she is definitely overreacting quite a bit and being kinda unreasonable."
"I think there could've been other ways you went about it..."
"Were the clothes absolutely disgusting?"
"If not, you won't immediately be dirty again if you just put them back on for the walk to your room."
"Could you not just text them asking, 'hey you up?' to see if you could either avoid them or have one of them bring you a towel?"
"Could you really not hear the boyfriend walking towards you and either run or shout out a warning?"
"It wasn't like you forgot you had roommates, you forgot your towel."
"It's an honest mistake, but there were better solutions that could've saved a very uncomfortable situation."
"Like sure, you didn't care and just brushed it off, but what if the boyfriend felt very uncomfortable?"
"Put yourself in his shoes, no one wants to accidentally see someone naked, especially their roommate." ~ unseriouscats
Reddit continued...
"NTA it was an accident."
"Tell her you'll make sure it never happens again by asking her to leave." ~ Dinosaur_Doctor
"NTA. Sounds mortifying for the two people actually involved."
"His girlfriend wasn't involved and nothing happened that was an actual issue regarding their own relationship."
"Maybe leave some extra towels in your bathroom? Lol." ~ Kathalysa
"NTA. It was an honest mistake. That's all. Susie needs to relax."
"It's too controlling to expect you to be texting them when you're naked and that you should have told her when you accidentally flashed him."
"I see no harm no foul to her and, if I was in Susie's place, I would have laugh my a** off." ~ SimpCaptain23
"Susie is totally TA for expecting you to text 'I'm naked now guys' like that is just weird."
"I'd be more uncomfortable receiving that text than i would be getting accidentally flashed."
"However, you DO have people in your house."
"And you mentioned you were AWARE that they were there, it's not like you forgot."
"You assumed they'd be asleep."
"But better to be safe than sorry."
"I would've probably just bitten the bullet and put the dirty clothes back on."
"Although it was unintentional I'd say it was a little disrespectful and unthoughtful of you to walk around naked with guests in your home."
"Susie is overreacting."
"BUT you created a hella awkward situation for tom that could've been avoided."
"But it was a mistake. NTA." ~ yellowbunnythrowaway
"NTA- Your are allowed to quickly run to your room to grab a towel at night when it is assumed people are asleep."
"You are doing your friends a favor." ~ lostalldoubt86
"A bit of a different take but I'm going with NAH."
"While you probably should've just put your dirty clothes on to get the towel you didn't, you made a mistake (and hopefully apologized to the bf.)"
"Is your friend overreacting?"
"Yeah probably but I would probably also feel a little weird if my friend was fully naked in front of my bf and we all lived together."
"No one's really an ah here but you should all probably just apologize to each other and move on, it'll make living together a lot easier." ~ anon689936
"NTA. It's your house and you were nice enough to let them stay instead of them paying for a hotel or being homeless."
"It's a body, one looks similar to another and you weren't trying to force him to look at you naked."
"Your friend sounds insecure and immature, she shouldn't have blown up at you."
"If that had been my friend I would have asked her to move out." ~ Harmonia_PASB
"That sounds very controlling for a guest."
"Not sure what state you're in but in some states people are considered tenants after awhile and you can't ask them to leave anymore."
"You'd have to evict them."
"I'd be careful letting someone like that stay with me long term to be honest."
"She doesn't seem to respect that it's your place. NTA." ~ PsilocybinK
"NAH - I think it's understandable your friend would be upset, but your momentary lapse is also understandable."
"I hope you can smooth this over and stay friends." ~ MCDexX
OP... Reddit understands.
Sometimes you have to be naked in your own home.
Accidents happen.
Maybe you and Susie and Tom can read through this together and move on.
"Move on" being the operative phrase for Susie and Tom.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.