Being a good host often means anticipating the needs of your guests.
Planning a meal that everyone will enjoy or ensuring the seating is appropriate.
What happens, though, when someone expects you to have personal care supplies that you do not need but they do?
That was the issue facing Redditor and ORiginal Poster (OP) Icy-Peanut4850 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for not keeping feminine hygiene products in my home?”
First a quick apology.
“Pardon my format as I am on mobile. Gonna keep this short because I’m still baffled.”
Then, OP explained her current living arrangements.
“I, (24 female) am currently raising my 2 brothers (18 male, 13m) after my mother died this past September.”
“Only my brothers and I live here and when my other brother (21m) completes rehab he will be living here as well. I am the only girl in the house. Onto the issue.”
“I have a friend, we’ll call her Zaylee (23f) who came over to hang out with me last week.”
“For context, I have the nexplanon birth control bar in my arm. I know it’s different for everyone, but for me it completely takes away my period and lasts for 3 years.”
“(This is my second time having itl) We were having a movie day to catch up on life since we haven’t seen each other in over a week.”
“During one of the movies she gets up to use the restroom so I scroll through my phone waiting on her return.”
Everything was fine, until…
“Well when she comes back down she asks me where I keep my tampons. I responded I don’t keep them in the house since I haven’t needed one in years.”
“She then proceeded to ask me for a pad and I kinda just giggled and repeated myself.”
“I’m not sure if it was the giggle or lack of products but she completely flips out on me.”
‘”What kind of woman doesn’t keep these things?”‘
‘”As a woman you should always keep them?”‘
‘”What the hell am I supposed to do about my situation?”‘
‘”I’ve never met someone so thoughtless!”‘
“I was confused.”
“I didn’t take her attitude to heart and told her we can go to the Dollar General around the corner if she needs some and that it’s not a big deal.”
“Apparently that wasn’t good enough for her.”
“She called me an insensitive b*tch who doesn’t care about other women (??) and need to learn how to be a better host. She called herself a cab and left shortly after.”
“I can understand the frustration of not having something you need, but lashing out on me made no sense.”
“I just don’t see the reason to spend money on things I don’t use. They’re unnecessarily expensive.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some responses found the logic hard to follow.
“‘As a woman you should always keep them?”‘
“So why didn’t she have any hygiene products with her? NTA.” ~ TheDrunkScientist
“And how did she accuse OP of being thoughtless when she forgot to pack her own supplies?”
“NTA. Def odd.” ~ Moderate-Fun
Others put the responsibility squarely on OP’s friend.
“These are things we don’t talk about, but all have done.”
“The friend could have folded up what she needed and headed to the store. This feels like the friend had an extreme PMS moment.” ~ Zearidal
“I always carry a fully stocked first aid kit in my work bag.”
“Everyone calls me the work mom.”
“Oh, I have a bad cough I got cough drops.”
“Oh my back hurts, Tylenol or Aleve?”
“Though the toilet paper trick has come in handy, almost a year out from my youngest birth and my body’s process is totally off.. I now have issues to deal with that weren’t there before😒🤷” ~ Smart_Ad_3636
Commenters shared personal stories.
“I do have a very regular period.”
“However, guess what? I haven’t used a tampon or pads in almost 10 years.”
“I use a cup and, just for safety, a washable pad. My case, though, is not that of every person who menstruates. Each has different needs and ways to go through that time of the month.”
“OP’s friend considering she used such stuff just because ‘she’s a woman’ is very disrespectful.”
“For all she knows, OP could use something like that, have period underwear, just used her stock for an emergency, free bleed or, like what happened, not even have a regular period and thus no need to stock such items as pads or tampons.”
“OP is 24, her friend 23. They’re both adults.”
“I must say I am a little bit surprised that her friend saw fit to look throughout her cabinets/drawers first before asking.” ~ Bell957
“I am allergic to adhesive so only have reusable cotton cloth pads and with BC I am very light so no tampons only a cup on hand for heavy flows.”
“I also wouldn’t be able to help OP friend. I would never go anywhere without being prepared myself I can’t rely on someone’s preferences” ~ bluestrawberry_witch
“Personally, I keep tampons on me even when I’m not in need of them, because it’s so common to come across someone who needs one, I just make good habit of it.”
“That being said… I have reason to buy them anyway because periodically I _do_ need them (I have an IUD, so it’s not often or for long)…”
“A friend of mind had her baby basket yoinked quite a few years ago, and I have zero expectations of her having tampons or pads in her house…”
“So if you did happen to have any, then BONUS!!! and omgosh how grand!… but you don’t… and that’s not your problem…” ~ The_Thorne
Some talked about pad alternatives.
“I’m a cup and reusable pad girl too.”
“The cycle trackers on smartphone apps are pretty good – mine gives me a 2 day warning for the start of my period so I make sure I wear a reusable liner to avoid the need for wads of toilet paper or having to purchase tampons or pads.”
“For the most part, I don’t actually carry spares in a handbag these days.” ~ crash_clu
“I was just coming here to say that.”
“I’m a woman, I don’t need feminine hygiene products so I don’t buy them and keep them in my house.”
“If someone that is a woman needs them, they have to provide their own.”
“Like why would I have something in my house I’m never going to use? It’s my house, not a communal home.” ~ Little-Martha31204
While still not on OP’s friend’s side, some did point out that Tampons are handy.
“Your friend is being ridiculous.”
“However, I will say this: I’m a 54 year old woman in menopause.”
“I have no *need* for products anymore.”
“But I do keep a box of pads and a box of tampons in my bathroom just in case.”
“I have a stepdaughter (lives with her mom, doesn’t generally spend a lot of time at my place) and a lot of friends of all ages who still menstruate.”
“It cost me $10 one time 3 years ago to ‘stock’ my bathroom and it has come in handy once or twice for visitors.” ~ MaggieMae68
“I always keep a few in my first aid kit, even though I no longer need them.”
“Besides working for their intended purpose, a maxi pad is awesome for stopping the bleeding on a large cut.”
“I once brought a very drunk male friend into the ER with a maxi pad wrapped around his badly cut arm.”
“The fact that he kept telling the nurses that he needed to ‘change his tampon’ made their night! 🤣” ~ Puzzleheaded-Jury312
“My husband keeps a couple in his camping kit, one in his ‘do you have a kitchen sink in there?’ jacket and there’s a few in the car first aid kit.”
“Our kiddo suggested putting one in the first aid kit they were building at scouts.”
“Got laughed at (grade school boys) and then their retired police officer (and ex-Marine) said ‘Great idea; I always have a couple in mine’ …”
“Which led to the TRULY awesome email home to all the parents with the equipment list – including maxipads!”
“I think a couple parents’ brains kinda exploded.”
“My husband just told the kid where the box was, and to take from the one in the main bathroom, not the one under Mom’s sink, so that Mom would know how many she had.” ~ Sashi-Dice
“A person or pet can bleed out so fast if the wound is deep enough or in the wrong place (not that there’s a right place but you get the idea).”
“Having appropriate and affordable supplies readily available makes a difference.”
“It even has a side benefit that these boys won’t act like a pad is kryptonite if they see a box of them in someone’s bathroom. I would have laughed to see the parent’s reaction to the equipment list.” ~ latens
While it is important to be a good host, it’s also important to be a good guest.