Content Warning: Domestic Violence, Cheating
When two people get married, entertainment tells us that those two people will be together forever and that they are the last people in the world who would ever hurt the other person.
But the real world is here to tell us that isn't true. Not only is our partner capable of hurting us, but they're among the people who could hurt us most in the world, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor im_im06 was shocked when her husband revealed what had been happening in the past few months and what he had to look forward to, without her.
But when the moment became too much for her, the Original Poster (OP) reacted in a way that she later regretted.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for slapping my husband after he confessed to cheating on me?"
The OP's husband surprised her with a homecooked meal.
"I (24 Female) came home after a long day at work. My husband (32 Male) had made us dinner, which he rarely does."
"After dinner, he even cleaned up and did the dishes."
"I was surprised since this isn't something he usually does without me having to ask."
"I jokingly asked if something was up and he hesitated before answering."
Then the ugly truth came out.
"He confessed to cheating on me with a coworker."
"I was completely shocked. It felt like my world shattered into a million pieces."
"I asked him how long it had been going on, and he said it had been a couple of months. They've been seeing each other on and off."
"And as if things couldn't get any worse, he added that she might be pregnant."
The OP lashed out at her husband at the news.
"That's when I lost it. My whole world was spinning, and I suddenly felt this rage come over me."
"I slapped him across the face and called him every name in the book."
"I told him to take his stuff and get out of the house."
"He left and has been staying at his parents' house."
The OP's mother-in-law did not take her reaction well.
"His mother has been blowing up my phone, asking me to talk things out with her son."
"She keeps telling me how wrong it was for me to slap him and how heartbroken her son is over the situation."
"I haven't responded yet since I haven't been able to gather my thoughts."
"This whole situation just feels surreal to me. I can't believe the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with, betrayed me like this. Was I wrong for how I reacted?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that her ex-husband deserved every ounce of unhappiness.
"If it wasn't for his side piece being pregnant, you still wouldn't know that he was cheating."
"Don't let him and his mom gaslight you with all of this 'he's heartbroken and sorry' crap. He broke his own heart, and he's just sorry his hand was forced to tell you about what he was doing."
"Get an attorney and an STD exam." - Prestigious-Bluejay5
"How heartbroken he is?? Wow, what a f**king loser, he got someone pregnant and thinks this can be talked out?"
"See a lawyer and file and tell your ex-mother-in-law to keep her son; she's about to be a grandma and should focus on that instead of trying to make you stay with a loser." - WinterFront1431
"Did you see the part where he made dinner AND did the dishes?!"
"That's the part that gets me."
"He wasn't remorseful like, 'I can't keep it in anymore, I'm sorry to interrupt whatever is going on but I need to confess now or I'll implode.'"
"It was calculated (poorly, but still calculated), like, 'I'll do something really, really thoughtful and kind. Then she'll be in a better mood to provide a cushion against the bad news.' What a loser." - _Snuggle_Chips_
"This man cheated on his wife, got another woman pregnant, and then has his mom fighting his battles for him! How pathetic. I don't know how you can know your son had an extramarital relationship and think it's okay to harass his poor wife. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I guess."
"Your husband is a disgusting cheater. He also apparently rarely cooks or cleans up after himself if it was so shocking to you that he did that 'for' you. It doesn't seem like he has any redeeming qualities."
"Divorce his a** and don't look back." - suhhhrena
"The only reason he told you was because there might be a baby involved. Otherwise, he would have kept this up. Throw the whole man away." - aisaiddec
Others agreed and even gave the OP suggestions on what to say to her ex-mother-in-law.
"I would reply with, 'Congrats, you're going to be a grandmother. But it's not me your son got pregnant.'" - the_harlinator
"I'd break the news to future-grandma myself but add a little flare: 'I don't have time to talk right now since it seems your son can't keep it in his pants, so I now have to go get tested for an STD. And do you buy a baby shower gift for your husband's mistress, I mean future ex-husband and pregnant mistress? I'm not sure of the etiquette.'" - Vixen22213
"Say, 'Congratulations on being a grandmother.' [Wait three seconds] 'Also, it's not mine.'" - koshgeo
"Have some sympathy for the fella. He might not have thought of his wife while he was sleeping with his mistress for months, but now as a consequence, he might lose his comfortable life! Why does OP have to ruin a good marriage?! (sarcastic comment)"
"Seriously OP, you don't owe that man anything. He destroyed the marriage."
"If at all, the only thing his mum should say is, 'I am sorry my son, who I raised, betrayed you, If you need anything, I'll be happy to help you wherever I can.'"
"All the best to you, OP." - Radrouch
"Do not admit to your ex-mother-in-law via text that you slapped him. She's trying to get you to admit it in writing. Do not discuss the slap, and honestly, no more talking to any of them. Lawyer up and all communication is through the divorce lawyer."
"The only thing I would say to MIL is, 'He made his bed, and now he has to lay in it. I'm so sorry he is so sad that he f**ked his coworker for months, possibly getting her pregnant, and definitely losing me, but your precious baby boy isn't the victim here. I am.'"
"Also say, 'He decided to cheat for months. It wasn't an accident. He betrayed our vows and my trust. He broke my heart, not the other way around. He is the villain in this story. He destroyed my marriage.'"
"End with this, 'It is disgusting that you are boo hoo-ing to me about your sad cheating son, but I am returning him to the mommy factory as he is severely defective. He's your problem now.'" - Ema630
But others argued that this did not warrant domestic violence, even "just" a slap to the face.
"He is a disgusting, pathetic man. However, if the gender roles were reversed, he'd be accused of assault. I'm also afraid he may disclose this to his divorce lawyer inevitably, thus weakening your case."
"My ex-husband slapped me, and growing up my mom would. Personally just watching it on TV gives me a visceral, traumatic reaction."
"While your anger is justified, the slap isn't. ESH." - Siya78
"YTA. Two things can be true. You can absolutely be upset that he cheated and knocked her up, and also hitting him is a massive line to cross, and you're wrong here."
"Get him away from you, be far from him, take him to the cleaners, etc, but never put hands on a person except for defense. If we condone one side, folks will condone the other."
"Dudes come here all the time and tell us how his (ex) wife cheated, got knocked up, and made him think the kid was his, and they don't put hands on them, so I don't know how anyone is supporting this." - Asura_Rathalos
"Reverse the rolls. Would it be okay for him to hit you if you cheated? Yell, scream, cry, divorce, whatever… but don't hit." - pinkplumberrr
"I mean, your world just basically ended, you were emotionally and physically compromised by this man you were supposed to be married to forever, and I'm sure you felt a whole load of emotions all at once."
"So NTA, because his cheating is entirely to blame for this situation, which understandably angered you, and you make it sound like it was one slap as opposed to repeated ones or anything else."
"But also YTA, because violence (no matter how small) can rarely be justified. Your life wasn't in danger, it wasn't self-defense, you just lost your temper."
"I get it, but it's not right you hit him." - minimart82
"My kids' mother cheated on me. Should I have put my hands on her?"
"No! Because NO one should be putting hands on the other person unless it's for self-defense."
"The amount of people 'justifying' one slap and then b***hing at the MIL is mind-boggling to me. Yeah, MIL is stupid as f**k, but OP is trying to ask a bunch of strangers online if her act of violence can be passed off as okay for whatever reason she wants." - Altruistic-Wafer4188
The subReddit was incredibly angry on the OP's behalf and understood how hurt she was at the sudden loss of her marriage and the immediate start of her future ex-husband's new life.
But some reminded the OP that it was important, no matter how intense her feelings were, to not turn the situation into a physical matter. Unless self-defense was needed, and it didn't sound like it was in this situation, the OP never should have gotten physical, even if it was only "just one time."
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.