The very least anyone can do at work, is their best.
This doesn't mean only submitting flawless work, and never making any kind of mistake.
But rather showing that you are giving it your all, while always performing at least the most basic of expectations, such as always responding quickly to calls and emails, and always showing up to work on time.
Redditor WorkDramaCollective always did just that, but her colleague did not.
And when the original poster (OP) somewhat accidentally let this be known to their boss, her colleague didn't even try to hold back her anger.
Wondering if she actually did anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for making my coworker look bad for being late?"
The OP first explained that while her colleague's consistent tardiness didn't really bother her, her own proactive work ethic did not sit well with her colleague.
"So there have been a couple of incidents lately that have led my coworker, Jen, to become very angry with me."
"For background, we are both scheduled to start work at 8:00 every day."
"I usually get there between 7:30-7:45."
"Jen typically gets in at 8:30 or later."
"I have never complained about her getting in late or tried to draw attention to it."
"It doesn't affect my job, it's not my business, and I don't care."
"The first incident was on a day that I was running late."
"I was only running five minutes or so late, but I texted my coworkers to let them know because the last time I was five minutes late, I received 6 phone calls asking where I was before I got to work because people are used to be getting there early."
"Throughout the day, Jen made several jokes about how lazy I was for being late."
"Then, when we were in the elevator together leaving for work, she said in a rather sharp tone, 'you know, when you make a big show of telling everyone you're going to be late when it's only five minutes, it's pretty obvious that you're just trying to show everyone else up'."
"'You're not going to make any friends with that teacher's pet act, FYI'."
"I just kind of brushed it off and hadn't thought of it again until today."
When Jen was caught somewhat red-handed by their boss, the OP found herself at the receiving end of Jen's anger.
"Today is the third day since the secure access cards we use to get into our office have been on the fritz."
"I got to work at 7:30 only to find that my secure access card wouldn't work."
"One co-worker who gets in at 7:00 every day was already there, but when I called his line was busy."
"So I just waited for for whoever came in next."
"That turned out to be my and Jen's boss, at 8:30."
"He asked why I was in the parking lot and I explained about my card and the other coworker's line being busy."
"He asked why Jen hadn't let me in and I just said I hadn't seen her that morning."
"He let me in and I thought that was the end of it."
"Nope."
"At 9:30 Jen comes into my office crying and closes the door before tearing into me about how I embarrassed her and got her written up by telling our boss she was late."
"I didn't see anything I did as wrong, but Jen's position is that I am a 'brown nosing little suck-up bitch' who orchestrated both of these situations to make her look bad for being late."
"Should I have handled one or both of these differently?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for her conduct.
Everyone agreed that Jen dug her own grave in this situation, particularly as the OP didn't even tell their boss that she was late, and if Jen didn't want to look bad to her boss, all she needed to do was show up on time.
"NTA."
"If Jen could show up on time there wouldn't be a problem?"
"If anything I'd take this AITA post to your manager/HR."- Ok_Research_8379
"NTA."
"If she doesn't want to be reprimanded for being late then maybe she should try."
"Not being late."
"You didn't even directly tell your boss she was late."
"All you said was that you hadn't seen her that morning."
"Presumably she could have been there and you just didn't see her."
"Your boss knew something was up."- Special_Respond7372
"I don't see how you could have handled either situation differently."
"In the first incident, you did what any responsible employee does."
"When you're late, people don't know if you are late or sick or a no show."
"I always call when I'm going to be late."
"In the second incident, you were asked to explain yourself."
"You couldn't get in."
"Your boss asked you."
"You were truthful."
"It's not you making Jen look bad."
"Jen is making Jen look bad."
"NTA."- PrivateEyes2020
"She needs to take accountability for her tardiness."
"Her being late is a fact, not something you especially pointed out until your boss particularly asked."
"NTA."- sherlocked27
"NTA."
"Although I'm surprised no one's checking the log-in records for people 15+ minutes late on a regular basis."- TemptingPenguin369
"Jen is late every single f*cking day."
"Jen is shocked when her boss catches her coming in late."
"Jen tries to figure out how boss found out."
"Jen does not think it's because she's late every f*cking day."
"No, Jen is sure that cannot be the cause."
"Jen's future is not promising."
"Her shocking inability to link cause and effect will catch up with her sooner rather than later."-Literally_Taken
"NTA."
"You don't make her look bad, she makes herself look bad."
"Just don't be late."
"Problem solved."- coreysnaps
"NTA."
"If the events happened as you said you just spoke about your issues as they came up and didn't do anything to throw anyone under."
"I fully expected you to say someone complained about you being late and then you said 'well she' but that is not how it went so, you're fully NTA."- deathfromace1
"NTA."
"You didn't tell him she was late, you just said you hadn't seen her, for all you knew she had called in sick!"
"She has nobody to blame but herself."-JBB2002902
"Heavy sigh, gets on soap box BEHOLD MY OLDEST ENEMY, THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY OWN ACTIONS!"
"NTA."
"You didn't even say she was late, just that you hadn't seen her."
"She wants to not be in trouble for being late?"
"Has she tried not being late?"- Badger-of-Horrors
"Absolutely NTA."
"Her lateness is no one else's fault but her own."
"Hold up a mirror to her and tell her to leave you alone."
"Honestly, her in ability to take responsibility for her own actions is hilarious."- SarielvonLith
"I had the same kind of thing happen to me once and the person who said I tattled, she was 2 hours late for a 6 am start, went off on me in front of a group of coworkers."
"I didn't tattle, the boss pulled in behind her in the parking lot."
"Someone complained about what she did to me, so she got written up twice in one day."
"One for late and one for harassment."
"NTA."- Rude-Dog2559
"NTA obviously."
"Her repeated lateness was bound to bite her on the ass sooner or later."
"Her fault."- heatherlincoln
"No, you never intentionally got her in trouble."
"The trouble she got into was deserved, it's the consequences of her own actions, she chose to say incredibly rude things and to be late."
"That's not your fault in the slightest."- SnooObjections6726
"NTA."
"Unless you are slashing her tires every morning, I fail to see how you are responsible for her consistently being late."
"If you are running late vs. your normal time of arriving, it's not making a big deal of things to let your team know."
"Some of our shifts only have one team member on, so even if you are going to be a few minutes late, given the nature of our job, which is rapid response to critical systems outages, it's worth letting the team know so someone can cover the gap."
"She finally got caught, and is looking for someone to blame."
"Hell you even said "I haven't seen her" instead of "She's not here yet'."
"You handled things fine."- twifferTheGnu
People very often look for others to blame when they know they are the one responsible.
Which seems to most definitely be the case with Jen.
Hopefully being written up by her boss will be all it takes for Jen to start showing up to work on time.
Otherwise, she might find herself looking for a new job, and likely won't have. a great reference to help her out.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.