Not everything about being best friends with someone is sunshine and laughter. Sometimes you have to be brutally honest with them, especially if they're doing something wrong, like cheating on their partner.
But a real best friend would never make up a rumor that could potentially ruin their life, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor mycutemia went on a business trip and noticed that her best friend was acting strange around her, only to find out that she had made some assumptions about her during the trip.
When the Original Poster (OP) returned home and found out her best friend had approached her husband, accusing her of cheating during the trip, she felt her world crumbling around her.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for not forgiving my best friend after she told my husband that I was cheating on him?"
The OP had a wonderful circle of friends until a recent business trip.
"I (30 Female) have been married to my husband, Alex (32 Male), for five years. We have a good, solid relationship and trust each other completely."
"I've always been very close with my best friend, Emily (29 Female), and we've been friends since high school."
"However, recently, our friendship has been put to the test."
She wasn't sure what to think of Emily's behavior during the trip.
"A few months ago, I went on a business trip for a week, and during that time, I noticed Emily was acting a bit strange."
"She seemed distant and wouldn't respond to my texts as quickly as usual, but I didn't think much of it. I figured she was just busy with her own life."
The OP was shocked when she found out what Emily thought of her.
"When I came back from the trip, Alex confronted me about something that completely threw me off."
"He told me that Emily had contacted him while I was away and accused me of cheating on him."
"She claimed that she 'saw the way I was flirting with someone' at a work event and that I had been texting other guys in a way that seemed inappropriate."
"I was absolutely shocked and devastated. There was no truth to what she said, and I couldn't understand why Emily would tell Alex something like that."
"I've never once been unfaithful, and I had no idea where she got these ideas from."
Emily didn't have a good explanation for her actions.
"I confronted Emily, and she admitted that she had seen me talking to a male colleague at the event, but she took everything out of context."
"She said she 'didn't like the way he was looking at me' and assumed something was going on."
"I was furious. Emily had never said anything to me about her concerns, and instead, she went behind my back and accused me of cheating."
"I told her that I couldn't trust her anymore and that I needed space."
"She apologized, but the damage was done. It felt like she completely betrayed me and violated my trust."
The OP wasn't sure what to do when her friends challenged her actions.
"Now, some of our mutual friends are telling me that I should forgive Emily, saying that she was just looking out for me and that she was worried about my relationship."
"But I don't feel like I can ever get past what she did. I've tried to move on, but every time I think about it, I feel so hurt and betrayed."
"AITAH for not forgiving my best friend after she told my husband I was cheating on him?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some theorized that Emily was only looking out for herself and trying to get with the OP's husband.
"NTA. Something tells me Emily has the hots for OP's husband." - FloMoJoeBlow
"The first thing I thought when I read this was 'that friend' is so desperate for OP's husband that she didn't hesitate to lie and leave doubt in OP's husband's head and since she saw that it didn't work and they didn't believe her, she wants OP to be her friend again. The truth is that person is a scumbag of a friend, makes me think she wants OP's life."
"OP, if you read these I am so sorry for what you went through, you deserve to have a better friend. You are doing the right thing in not forgiving her, cut contact with her, and tell her the truth, you can never trust her again."
"Consider getting people out of your life who insist that you forgive your friend, if she had insecurities she should have talked to you. Maybe I exaggerate a little, but next time 'your best friend' will do her best to have your life destroyed, be careful." - Rude_lovely
"If Emily were really 'looking out' for OP, she would have had an actual conversation with her before going to her husband."
"No, she's looking out for the husband... to be vulnerable... so she can pounce..." - RoutineAspect8116
"Trust is essential in any relationship, and Emily violated that in a major way." - lovelydaisyglow
"NTA. And drop any mutual friends, as they are her friends. She went to your husband with nothing." - Cybermagetx
"If I were the OP, I would not forgive the friend and I would suspect that she had an 'unusual' interest in 'protecting' the husband... not the friendship or friend by clarity and information. Not just the hots for the husband, it may also be an intense envy regarding the wife, and she wants to ruin some things for her."
"Don't forgive her, why would you anyway when she didn't even act as a friend to you... so, no loss. Best of luck." - Organic_Ad_2520
"Emily didn't like the way the guy was looking at the OP... As if the OP is somehow responsible for the actions of other people... As if the OP personally invites people to ogle her..."
"Emily seems like the type to blame a victim of leading their attacker on based on that view." - PresentationThat2839
"The f**k?! If Emily was so concerned about the way the guy was looking at her friend, she would have gone up and borrowed her friend away from the suspected creeper. NTA, OP. Emily would be out of my life, too. She clearly has other intentions." - bunnybunnykitten
"Forgiveness is your choice, and it's okay if you're not ready or never feel ready to move past this. Your feelings of betrayal are valid, and those who tell you to forgive her may not fully grasp the impact of her actions on your life." - pinkrosebliss
Others agreed and were worried Emily was trying to break the OP's marriage.
"Oh, she definitely wants the OP's husband..."
"It is a difficult decision to go behind your friend's back, even if you have proof because a) it is possible that even with proof, the partner might choose not to believe you or hear you out; b) you know that would be the end of your friendship; and c) people/friends, etc., will accuse you in case of a divorce."
"She risked all these without any proof. Because the husband is worth it." - FunctionAggressive75
"NTA. I fully believe she is after your husband. She wants to break your marriage."
"Keep that in mind and watch an eye on her. Don't have any contact with Emily. Don't forgive her!" - QuietWalk2505
"I find it funny how she said this to your husband while you were out of town. Seems Emily was hoping Alex would need her shoulder or other parts of her to comfort him. She's going after your husband. Get ahead of this now." - MadameBananas
"NTA. If Emily was truly concerned about you, she would have pulled you aside and talked to you about what she perceived to be happening. The fact that she went to your husband, and your husband alone is shady as f**k."
"Either she is jealous of your marriage because she has a thing for your husband, or she's jealous of your husband and was trying to sabotage the relationship so you would go running to her for support."
"Life is too short to surround yourself with people who are not true friends." - Federal-Wolverine-52
"NTA. Emily is no friend, get rid of her because trust me, she is trying to get rid of you so she can move in on your husband. Good luck, and hopefully, your husband doesn't fall for her games." - Jolly-Thanks6332
"'She was looking out for you'?"
"We all know who can't wait to accuse you, even with zero evidence: The person who can't stand you."
"Your mutual friends are a) either stupid or b) they know exactly what's happening or c) are eternal peacemakers (aka selfish AF) who only care about maintaining the group status without much fuss."
"NTA." - FunctionAggressive75
"NTA, and your ex-best friend burned the whole village down. She could have talked to you and made you aware of how the person was looking or acting around you. Instead, she comes up with your cheating and goes to your husband when you're NOT CHEATING."
"That is not something you can come back from." - RaptorOO7
"Definitely NTA. If Emily was so concerned for your relationship ahead of time could've and should've come to you directly, not accuse you of cheating with no proof and going to your husband."
"She was more worried about your husband than she was you, your marriage or your friendship. She was absolutely not looking out for you like your friends are claiming."
"Where are you and your husband at with this now? I hope Emily didn't succeed in planting doubt in his mind and that you and your husband are doing well." - jacksonlove3
The subReddit completely understood why the OP was so shocked by what her husband had to say to her when she returned home from her business trip, and they couldn't imagine this ever counting as "looking out for a friend."
If Emily had really been looking out for the OP, she would have confided her concerns to her, not approached her friend's husband while attempting to comfort him.
It was clear where Emily's loyalties are, and they are not with the OP.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.