For a lot of people my age, the words "clown doll" always conjure up one horrifying image.
As well as a fear of what's under the bed.
All thanks to a certain evil clown from the 1982 film Poltergeist.
But doll makers and figurine manufacturers still make these creepy curios. So clearly, someone likes them.
A fan of clowns turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
EndFlimsy5850 asked:
"AITA for telling my girlfriend to 'Suck it up' around my clown figurines?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Me (26, male) and my girlfriend (24, female) have been dating for 2 years. Since we started dating, she's KNOWN that I love clowns."
"I have several porcelain clowns displayed around my house on walls, hung from the ceiling on little swings, and on shelves."
"I have a hutch full of clown things like old noses, horns, dolls, etc... I have the artwork she got me on the wall, I have 2 swinging clowns in the corner of the living room (they're around 1 foot tall and they swing from the ceiling), and a bunch of magnets."
"I do have a few clown-themed things throughout the place, like my cookie jar. I adore these weird little creatures."
"Well, last week, I bought 2 Venetian masks from the thrift store, and they're in GREAT condition (I got them for a decent price, too). She HATES them. She said they're creepy and give her 'bad vibes'—whatever that means."
"I told her that I would take down the masks when she's staying the night, but I'm not getting rid of them. She told me that was fine."
"Yesterday, she got up and told me that we needed to talk."
"She told me that she's sick of seeing my weird decorations and clown toys everywhere. That they're ugly and creep her out."
"I asked her where this was all coming from because she has NEVER MENTIONED MY CLOWNS BEFORE and she said me 'bringing those ugly f*cking masks into our home was her last straw' and 'my obsession with clowns was charming before, but now it's just disturbing'."
"She has bought me little clowns before! She found a print of 2 clowns kissing at an art fest she went to and she picked it up for me."
"I told her that I would take down the masks when she was over."
"But, 1. This isn't OUR home. It's MY apartment. And 2. She's known about the clowns for years, and to try to stop me from decorating my place how I please is controlling."
"She told me 'Either get rid of some of them or we're done'. I told her to just 'suck it up' while she's here. And if she can't then I'll come to HER place every week."
"She didn't like that answer and called me a child before leaving. I texted her to apologize for telling her to suck it up about the clowns. But she hasn't responded to me."
"So, am I the a**hole for telling her to 'suck it up' about my clown figurines?"
"I know that it's a weird hobby. I was more caught off guard by her telling me to get rid of some of them after 2 years of us being together."
The OP later added:
"I wanted to clear up some things I saw in the comments. I had a small collection started by my grandparents when I was a baby."
"That's where I got my first swing jester. The collection has grown in the last 2 years to expand to commons decor and not just dolls."
The OP summed up their situation.
"I told my girlfriend to 'suck it up' about my clown decorations. But it upset her and it seems harsh looking back."
"I'm starting to think that I should have just had a conversation about WHY she didn't like them and see where we could have gone from there."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. As someone who isn't into clowns, but loves Venetian masks, I can understand being creeped out by some of them. However, her turning this on your entire interest for clowns that you've had your whole relationship makes her the a**hole."
"Also, if she's giving you ultimatums over how you decorate your own space based on your own interests, she's not the one. There will be someone who will appreciate your collection, if not add to it themselves." ~ Fun_Effective6846
"Good thing you found this out about her now. It isn't going to last. You're NTA right now, because it *is* your place, but if the relationship progresses, you're likely to have a place together, and then she won't allow it, and you'll be right back at this point, but with more feelings."
"Better to cut bait now and both get on with your lives. Find someone tolerant who doesn't care what your hobby is, and you can put up with her creepy 18th-century gothic porcelain doll collection too." ~ Relevant_Turnip_7538
"You two don't sound compatible." ~ wackyvorlon
"NTA, like what you like, but I don't actually know anyone who wants to live in the creepy clown house so don't be surprised if you have trouble finding another girlfriend…" ~ alien_overlord_1001
"Nah, he's gonna find a freak with a clown fetish, and they'll live happily ever after."
"And yes. That's a real thing." ~ BetterFightBandits26
From a purely pragmatic point of view, this is your apartment, and therefore, you have every right to decorate it in the way you want. That is not controlling at all."
"You would be controlling if you wanted to decorate your girlfriend's apartment with clowns. From a relationship point of view: you are just not compatible."
"If the presence or absence of decorative objects is such an issue in your relationship that ultimatums are involved, I shudder to think how you both will manage when far more challenging issues come up." ~ plantprinses
"NAH. She obviously has no right to tell you how to decorate your own home, but she also is probably thinking about the future and wondering about compatibility."
"If I started dating a guy with a clown collection like this, I'll be real, I'd hate it from the second I saw it. But at the beginning, you don't know where the relationship is going, and you're also aware that having not been together long, you have no right to interject your opinions on their own space, so you don't."
"But I think after two years and it becoming apparent that this isn't going to become less of a thing for you, I'd start to worry about when we live together that our house is going to have to be covered in clowns and I'd hate my own home and it wouldn't feel like mine."
"She's probably having these kinds of thoughts and trying to find out just how important and how far this clown thing goes so she can see if she'll be able to live like that."
"It's all fine when you live separately, and it doesn't impact my own home, but the goal of a relationship is to live together at some point, and maybe you two need to have a serious conversation about if you can compromise on making the space something you'll both feel at home in, but I don't think either of you are an a**hole." ~ StrictAngle
"NTA. But you guys do not sound compatible."
"I have coulrophobia (a fear of clowns), and I could see a universe where a younger me would just go 'That's my issue that I got to deal with, and I really want to support my partner in their hobby and not make them feel bad about a thing they love' if I met someone collecting clowns that seemed amazing in all other ways."
"But that isn't really tenable in the long run, and eventually something's got to give. You love clowns; she really doesn't, and it turns out to be a bit of an insurmountable difference between the two of you." ~ Slight-Progress4414
The OP provided an update:
"She saw the post. She read the comments. And called me today. She wasn't too happy about being called the A**hole, but she apologized for being controlling."
"Turns out she wanted to 'see if I'd get rid of my collection if it meant keeping her'. Like it was some relationship test."
"She did really hate the Venetian masks and didn't like that they are hanging above my bed."
"I told her that if it came down between her NEEDING me to get rid of them/sell them for expenses, then I would, of course, do that. But I'm not just going to get rid of my collection because someone says so."
"She asked if we could move on from this, and I told her no. I don't like that she tried to test my love by asking me to get rid of my collection."
"She left. We're officially broken up now."
"On the bright side, I can fill my house with more clown dolls. I even found a music box online that I might get."
"Thank you, everyone, for helping me figure out that I wasn't in the wrong. And to those saying I'm a serial killer for owning clowns, I've read quite a few comments from people collecting dead things."
"So I think I'm in the clear on that."
It's unfortunate that this relationship ended, but play games with someone's heart and you have to be prepared to lose.
Hopefully OP's ex learned something from this.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.