No one wants to be a part of a transactional relationship that's supposed to be romantic, and no one wants to make their relationship all about money.
But when someone starts lying about money, the relationship cannot help but begin to revolve around it, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Calm_Ad6711 had been actively planning her upcoming wedding, knowing that her future husband was a lawyer and that they'd agreed about who would pay for which aspects of the wedding.
But when it came out that he'd lied about having any savings, effectively putting the entire large wedding budget on her, the Original Poster (OP) knew the relationship had to be over before her partner could lie about something else.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for calling off my wedding after finding out my fiancé never had the money he promised to contribute?"
The OP had been actively and carefully planning a very special wedding day.
"I (33 Female) have been with my partner (32 Male) for five years. He proposed in March 2024, and we agreed to get married in December 2025."
"He promised to cover 70% of the wedding costs and said he'd transfer money to my account whenever I paid for something."
"I ended up handling all the planning and bookings."
"By April this year, I had already paid around 500k (local currency, about $9000 USD). But when I checked, he hadn't sent me a single cent."
"I kept reminding him, and he always said, 'Yes, baby, after work.'"
"I work in an accounting firm with over 40 clients, so I'm insanely busy and didn't have time to double-check every day. But I trusted him."
But then the OP realized she wouldn't be seeing a cent of that money again.
"When we finally sat down to talk about it, I found out he didn't actually have the money."
"He planned to ask his parents or use future income, meaning he had been lying about having savings."
"All this time, he bragged about being financially stable and successful (he's a lawyer), but apparently, it was all talk."
"I understand that people can go through tough financial times, but lying about it and letting me carry all the burden? That felt like a betrayal."
In that moment, the OP realized what her partner had done was a deal breaker.
"I decided to call off the wedding and the relationship."
"Now he's throwing the wedding expenses in my face, even though I did all the work."
"My parents think I should go through with it since the engagement has already been announced to family."
"Was I wrong for calling it off? I feel heartbroken, used, and honestly, fooled. And seriously, if you can't afford to get married, why propose in the first place?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were relieved that the OP walked away from the relationship when she did.
"You didn't call off a wedding, you canceled a subscription to nonsense. Good for you! NTA." - Beingmaeryl
"The question I would be asking is if he's justifying lying, how do you know it's just this one thing? What else has he been lying about?"
"Once trust is lost, there's nothing left. A divorce is far more expensive than a called-off wedding, especially since your ex-fiancé is a lawyer."
"NTA." - Ill-Novel5199
"You did the right thing, my dear. If you have any doubts, thinking whether you got the right decision, I'm someone who took the opposite decision and still regrets it. My husband suggested a small function and expenses to be shared by both of us."
"But it ended up being a big function for his friends and family, paid by me. He never gave back any money he promised. He took all my savings and maxed my credit cards. I fell into deep depression, and it's only after 10 years that I'm seeing things clearly. I wish I had your wisdom." - Sweet_Dependent_7586
"Good for you! It wasn't a wedding, it was an adoption of a lying manchild that would take every penny you have now and in the future."
"If you can't get money back, throw a 'Thank God I Dodged A Bullet' party."
"NTA." - KLG999
"NTA. He's a liar, a loser, a user, and a leech."
"Your parents are... confused? misguided? deluded?"
"Do not marry that jerk."
"Make sure he pays you back. Sue him if necessary." - Travelinggone777
Others were suspicious about how he could be a lawyer with no savings built up.
"I'd be asking what the h**l he's spending his money on if he's a high-earning lawyer with no savings. NTA." - ItJustWontDo242
"If he's lying now, what happens when you're married and need to plan for a house, kids, emergencies, or retirement? Marriage requires teamwork and honesty, both were missing here." - Illustrious_Leek8751
"It's alarming, because this breakup is about lying and betrayal, not necessarily about money, but it also HAS to be a little about money, too."
"Not that he can't save up for the wedding, but what is he hiding financially? Where the h**l does his lawyer's salary go? Does he have a drug or gambling addiction, ran up numerous credit cards and is paying them off, has another woman, what?? NTA." - Pageybear13
"We make a big fuss about marriage being about love."
"What it REALLY is about is partnership. And a financial partnership first."
"He's not ready to be a partner. You can't be planning your life with a partner who lies. About anything, but especially money."
"Nor can you partner with someone who thinks about money the way he does; that he'll splurge now and borrow from future earnings, his parents will bail him out, it doesn't really matter when someone is actively signing contracts, etc."
"Consider this revelation about his unfitness to be cheap at whatever its financial cost."
"And I am SHOCKED at your parents! Time was, parents wouldn't let a woman marry a man who wasn't verifiably financially solvent and able to support her in the manner to which she was accustomed."
"NTA, but your parents sure are!!" - TootsNYC
"NTA. His betrayal is telling of things to come. He has no shame because he's trying to gaslight you. Good riddance. Better calling off things now rather than after marriage, when it's a lot more complicated."
"He cannot be trusted and the worst thing is he is so disrespectful because he thinks you're stupid enough to fall for his crap... Good for you, girl. Time to keep it moving." - JunePlum79
Some also reassured the OP that her mother had the wrong priorities at this moment.
"NTA. Your parents are likely saying it to save their face, nor yours. You should seriously doubt them if they'd sabotage your entire future to save themselves some embarrassment today."
"As everyone is saying, there's no ambiguity here, you should run now." - ProjectJourneyman
"NEVER go through with a wedding to please someone else! Dumb attitude from your parents. Hugs to you." - KWS1461
"With all due respect, please tell your parents that you understand them not wanting you to cancel the wedding due to the engagement already being announced and that you understand it will be embarrassing."
"That said, you would rather go through the embarrassment than an awful marriage where trust does not exist and where you will probably would always have to be the one picking up the physical and emotional bill for him." - Hazzie123
"Are your parents always bad parents or just when it comes to losing face? NTA." - DragonSeaFruit
"NTA. Getting married because it has already been announced is a stupid reason, and your parents should be ashamed. Lying, manipulating, and then trying to exploit you has shown your ex-fiance to be a user and a loser. You dodged a bullet." - AdAccomplished6870
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in a second post.
"Hi everyone, thank you so much for the support. I didn't expect my post to get much attention, but reading your responses helped me feel less alone and more validated in what I was feeling."
"It's been a week since I called everything off. He's been texting and calling nonstop, flip-flopping between apologizing and guilt-tripping me. At one point, he said, 'We can still fix this, it's just money.'"
"But it was never just about the money. It was the lying, the manipulation, the months of pretending to be someone he wasn't, and letting me drown financially and emotionally while he played the role of the dependable fiancé."
"I'm staying with a close friend for now while I sort things out. I've cried more than I thought possible, but each day, I feel a little lighter. The fog is lifting."
"His family finally reached out, trying to 'mediate.' His mom even asked if we could 'just scale down the wedding instead of canceling it.'"
"I told them very calmly that there is no wedding to scale down. I'm done. And I mean it. I've also started looking through everything I paid for, checking which vendors I can cancel or get partial refunds from. It sucks, ngl, but I'd rather lose money than lose myself in a marriage built on lies."
"My parents are slowly coming around. My dad said something last night that really hit me: 'It's better to disappoint people for a moment than to disappoint yourself for a lifetime.'"
"I don't know what comes next. But I know what I left behind, and I know it was the right thing to do. Thank you so much again. You really helped me a loooot."
Fellow Redditors were glad that the OP was advocating for herself and that her parents were starting to see reason.
"You walked away not just from a wedding, but from a future where you would've been the only one showing up, financially and emotionally. That's not a partnership, that's a slow erasure of your peace, your dignity, and your sense of self. And you said no to that. Loudly. Clearly. Without apology." - Main_Lenghtiness_606
"People who say 'it's just money' never seem to be the ones paying. OP would be funding him for the rest of her marriage and having no idea where it went." - Beth21286
"If his parents said to 'just scale down,' then they should pay for it. But I wholeheartedly agree that OP dodged a bullet. He consistently lied and used her trust against her. He knew he did not have any savings all along."
"He could have just told the truth before she paid for anything. It will be a hassle to get the majority of her money back, but I would rather her do that than be with a lifetime liar. If he lies like this and keeps it going, what else will he lie about in the future?" - Tommie_1215
"As an officer of the court, he's a disgrace… stringing her along like that over non-existent funds. Plus, assuming he earns a respectable income commensurate with employment as a lawyer, where has his money gone? School loans?"
"Or does he have a closet gambling issue, a drug problem or just screwed up "it's only money" thinking? Apparently, his clueless parents weren't into bailing him out since they only suggested 'scaling back.'" - Aware-Locksmith-7313
"I'm glad your dad is in your corner, and he is exactly right. I hope you'll be able to cut your losses as much as possible and get most of your money back." - AmountConfident5385
"I'm glad OP's parents are on her side now. What her dad said makes so much sense. She would always wonder if he was lying about small and big things, and what if he always lied about money throughout their whole marriage. She absolutely did the right thing." - Frequent_Couple5498
"NTA, OP. Remember you're making space for something better in your life." - flirty_fawn_eyes
The subReddit applauded the OP not only for calling out her ex-partner but also for realizing that she was worth so much more, literally and figuratively.
While the bride did not end everything over money, finances were inevitably tangled into this, because by lying about the money he would provide for their big day, he launched a guessing game they'd never be able to escape of whether he was lying or telling the truth.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.