When you have a baby, you’re going to miss important events.
Kids can’t be left alone.
It’s all a lot of decision-making to juggle.
Many people will be upset at the choices a parent makes.
Case in point…
Redditor ComfortableLimit3227 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for saying I can’t attend my sister’s child-free wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ll keep it short.”
“My (25) sister (31), let’s say her name’s Lisa, is getting married later this year.”
“The wedding is child-free.”
“I’m currently pregnant and at the time of the wedding will have a 5-month baby.”
“I asked Lisa if she could come as well, but Lisa said no.”
“I accepted that and told her I won’t be able to attend.”
“I don’t feel comfortable leaving my young kid with a sitter and my family would be at the wedding.”
“Lisa’s pretty pissed off and said I’m trying to act holier-than-thou and punishing her for having a child-free wedding.”
“She said she wants me to be there and give a speech as the sister of the bride, but I told her I can’t attend if I can’t bring my baby.”
“She replied some of her friends have kids, and they know a lot of trusted sitters, and she’ll give me the numbers, but I’ve refused.”
“Mom said she could stay home with the baby while I attend a part of the ceremony, and then she’ll come (and I’ll go home), but Lisa wants our parents to be there the whole time.”
“Lisa’s upset that I’m not attending.”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m just looking out for myself and my kid.”
“But am I being an AH?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA People are allowed to have child-free weddings, they are not allowed to be offended when people don’t come.”
“Honest, I would always have chosen my kids.” ~ Infamous_Control_778
“This! Especially within your own family.”
“If you have family members with young kids and you choose a child-free wedding, unfortunately, the people who are then most likely unable are your own family. Why?”
“Because all their usual babysitters (grandparents, aunties, siblings) are probably also going to the wedding.”
“A coworker’s child-free wedding?”
“Not a huge deal. But a sibling?”
“That’s hard to swing.” ~ Conscious-Sentence80
“Had a cousin get married years ago, and my kids weren’t invited.”
“I only trust my family with my kids.”
“I had an abusive long-term babysitter (who watched me from 6 weeks til 4th grade) as a child so only people that I knew as safe when I was a kid, do I trust with my own kids (mom, dad, uncle, aunt).”
“Obviously they all were at the wedding.”
“Anyone else’s wedding I could have attended because all my family wouldn’t be there.”
“She was hurt I didn’t come, and we’ve never been as close as before.” ~ damishkers
“Some people think that for their wedding day that ALL of their dreams and wishes must be granted.”
“Something unplanned is still likely to happen at OP’s sister’s wedding, and it will be part of the charm and uniqueness of her wedding story.”
“If only OP’s baby weren’t an infant or if a trusted family member could babysit for a bit to allow the OP to attend, the sister’s ideal wedding day could be possible.”
“Unfortunately, she is choosing to make no exceptions that would allow her sister and her 5-month-old infant to attend for any part of it.”
“It’s the sister’s right to have it her way on her wedding day, but I think she will regret it.”
“Having her sister miss the wedding will be a bigger stain on her wedding day memories than whatever impact would result from making an exception for her.”
“OP’s priority has to be her infant over the fairy tale her sister has imagined for herself. NAH.” ~ NeatNefariousness1
“I always wanted a child-free wedding because it’s boring for the kids and even at a small wedding, they’d be close to equal with the adults.”
“That’s a reunion, not a wedding.”
“So we just had the moms come and one guest each to avoid the drama.”
“I also wouldn’t have attended a wedding last year out of state without my kid.”
“We clarified because the invitation was to Last Name Family and then no # of people and we didn’t want to assume.”
“They thanked us for checking, and said they were making exceptions only for people who were far because they understood that, and our kid Was included specifically, just not many.”
“I thought that was nice so we made the effort for a 9-hour drive.”
“Otherwise I’d have just said thanks for thinking of us and declined.”
“It isn’t personal.”
“OP’s sister is making it personal.”
“You put restrictions on an event then people may decline.”
“You can’t have it both ways. NTA.” ~ Gothmom85
“NTA. Not that your sister is an a**hole to have a child-free wedding!”
“That’s perfectly fine.”
“What makes her an a**hole is to insist on a childfree wedding, but also insist that you attend without your baby.”
“She can either accept children or graciously accept the fact that parents of young children may very well be unable (or unwilling) to attend.”
“She can’t have it both ways.” ~ SamSpayedPI
“I want a child-free wedding, specifically so there will be no small children.”
“The younger they are, the farther they need to stay away from my wedding.”
“So I can understand why she doesn’t want to make an exception for young children.”
“OP is NTA, sister should simply accept OP will not be at her wedding.” ~ PropriumDiaboli
“I don’t know if this is your first baby, but for me, I never would have left my firstborn with anyone for hours at 5 months.”
“I would be stressed the whole time.”
“My second born however I’d leave with a pack of wolves if it meant 5 minutes to myself.”
“Anyway, NTA.” ~ Switchstar82
“NTA. Nothing wrong with wanting a child-free wedding but don’t be pissed off when someone with children can’t attend.”
“I totally get not wanting to leave bub at home with a sitter, especially when they are that young.”
“Your sister will just have to get over it, she can’t expect you to ditch your baby just for her wedding.” ~ k-lovegood
“NTA. Your sister has absolutely every right not to have children at her wedding.”
“However, your sister has made that choice while also needing to accept the potential consequences of that choice.”
“Your child comes first, and she should know that.” ~ CameronEB
“And it’s even more justified because OP is a single mother to her first newborn!!”
“Even if OP got a sitter she would not be present/enjoy herself whatsoever, I’m sure that would be extremely stressful for her.”
“And at that point, she might as well not even have gone.”
“Definitely NTA.” ~ GoneHamlot
“NTA, she’s allowed her child-free wedding, and you’re respecting her wishes.”
“Also you’re allowed to not leave your child with a sitter and miss the wedding.”
“Having child-free weddings is a risk of not having some guests attend, and she needs to accept that.” ~ One-Awareness3671
“NTA- it’s not an AH move to organize a childfree wedding, it’s not an AH move to not make any exceptions.”
“It is however a massive AH move to guilt trip someone to attend even though the wedding rules are too much of an inconvenience to them.”
“Your sister sounds like a bridezilla.” ~ PotterOtterSpotter
“NTA, it’s child-free.”
“Your child comes before her wedding.”
“New moms do not want to leave their 5-month-old.”
“If sister wants a child-free wedding then she has to expect some people won’t show or some people will cancel at the last minute when sitter plans fall through.” ~ Long_Squash1762
“Your sister is a total a**hole.”
“She is calling you, a recent widow, holier than thou for not feeling comfortable leaving your first 5-month-old baby with a babysitter for several hours to attend her child-free wedding.”
“Your sister seems to lack compassion and care for you and could have worked to have a compromise with you.”
“Like a compromise would have been letting your baby be in a room in the venue with childcare you trusted that you could regularly see your baby throughout the reception.”
“Instead of understanding what you are going through as a recent widow who is currently pregnant with your first child she is attacking and judging you and making you into the aggressor. NTA.” ~ Neonpinx
“NTA. You didn’t fuss over the ‘no children’ wedding, because you recognize that that’s her choice.”
“But you get to decide if you can attend under those circumstances as you’ll have a small baby.”
“You’ve decided you can’t.”
“She has to accept that as well.”
“If it was me, though, and logistically I could attend, I would.” ~ ewearehere
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
You’re making the parenting choices you need to make.
Hopefully, you and your sister can come to an understanding.