Sometimes favors are too big an ask.
Everyone always says there is that person or two you’d literally do anything for though.
But what happens when those people come knocking with a favor you never dreamed imaginable?
Then everyone can caught in an awkward situation.
Case in point…
Redditor iLoveAlmonds_001 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to lend my ill future sister-in-law my wedding dress?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (29 F[emale]) fiancé (June 32 M[ale]) and I are getting married this month.”
“We have been together for 3 years and are so excited to finally tie the knot.”
“June’s younger sister (Jane) is also engaged to her long time boyfriend and they are set to wed in January 2023.”
“Two weeks ago Jane was diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer.”
“She’s only 28 and understandably everyone in the family is devastated.”
“Jane and her fiancé visited me and June last weekend and asked us if we can let them have our wedding.”
‘Yes, our wedding, that includes the venue, catering, all the vendors except wedding favors.”
‘They want to get married before Jane starts her treatment.”
“She’s a good friend of mine so I didn’t hesitate and agreed.”
“June and I have already paid everything in full except our photographer and it isn’t hard to inform all the guests that the wedding’s been moved as we only have 75 guests including our families.”
“Jane and her fiancé had already saved for their wedding so money isn’t a problem either.”
“The problem occurred yesterday when Jane called me asking if she could wear my wedding dress and veil as she can’t find a dress that she likes.”
“She was there when I tried my wedding dress after the alterations.”
“I told Jane I’m sorry but she needs to find her own dress.”
“I told her I can take her to a friend’s boutique and help her find a dress that she’ll love.”
“She didn’t want to and insisted I let her borrow mine.”
“I reminded her that my dress was my mother’s and the veil is an heirloom that was passed on to my mom by my grandma.”
“Jane was having none of it and told me I was being selfish.”
“She said she doesn’t even know if her treatment will work and this is only a small favor that she’s asking.”
“Needless to say, our phone conversation didn’t end well.”
“I told June about it and he said he respects my decision.”
“My future in-laws on the other hand have messaged me, asking to reconsider.”
“I don’t want to disappoint them as we have a good relationship and they are going through something hard right now because of their daughter’s illness.”
“But I really don’t want to loan my dress and veil to Jane.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“I’m aways amazed when the people who want something for nothing call the one they want it from ‘selfish’ for not giving it to them. NTA.” ~ AbleRelationship6808
“Why does ill S[ister] I[n] L[aw] feel entitled to OP’s family heirloom?”
“OP is doing a great favour by giving them their wedding for what getting called as selfish?”
“I would reconsider giving the SIL anything… NTA.” ~ Atheist-KIRA
“As someone who is both a nurse and a patient who’s been through chemo, I totally understand why she wanted to move her wedding up.”
“OP is awesome for doing that.”
“Truly admirable. But having cancer DOES NOT mean that you are entitled to f**king anything from anyone.”
“Not rides to the store, not baked goods, and CERTAINLY not a friend’s MOTHER’S wedding dress.”
“You’re not entitled to call your friend who just GAVE AWAY HER WEDDING ‘selfish’ either.”
“Having cancer is NOT a license to take whatever the f**k you want from whomever, whenever.”
“Suck it the f**k up as OVER A QUARTER of humans develop cancer at some point.” ~ Rascaliest
“Even if it wasn’t an heirloom it would still be a massive faux pas and completely unreasonable to even consider asking.”
“Hell, it’s a faux pas to go and get a wedding dress that’s the same as someone else’s if they’ve been married within a couple of years.”
“The only time it’s acceptable to wear someone else’s wedding dress (or a dress very similar to someone else’s wedding dress) is if it’s a parent that’s handed it down or a sibling/friend that has passed away and you want to honour them.”
“And on the heirloom side – it’s completely unreasonable to ask to borrow someone’s family heirloom EVER.”
“And for a wedding, it’s only acceptable to borrow an heirloom from a parent or grandparent – maybe a parent-in-law or a step-parent, depending on the relationship there.”
“An heirloom wedding dress that someone is planning to wear to their own, imminent wedding?”
“Even thinking it is a level of audacity I’m entirely incapable of contemplating.” ~ PoisonPlushi
“Like it’s supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the big day.”
“Most people still believe this as tradition.”
“If SIL wears the dress then OPs fiancé will see the dress and it won’t be a big surprise on HER day.”
“Plus it will probably need to be altered to fit SIL and then altered again for OP.”
“That’s just a big NOPE.”
“Stand your ground OP.”
“SIL doesn’t get to have YOUR family’s heirlooms, especially after taking over your wedding day (even if they are paying you back for it).”
“Because now you have to start from scratch on choosing a day and making sure then venue is available that day and catering etc.”
“You’ve already done enough and that makes you NTA.” ~ GardenSafe8519
“Does she want your wedding lingerie too?”
‘Where does it end?”
‘NTA and I’m sorry you were put in thus position.”
“Also, if she likes it so much, ask her what she likes about it and she can have something similar custom made for her body since yours has already been altered for yours.”
“Best of luck OP. I do not envy your situation.” ~ Mryessicahaircut
“NTA. That is an heirloom gown not an off the rack purchase that could be altered a bit to suit each of you.”
“Not that that would obligate you- it would just be a slightly less outrageous request.”
“It’s intensely personal, utterly unique and completely irreplaceable.”
“You already gave her your wedding and now she literally wants the dress off your back?”
“Does she also want the stockings & bustier you bought to wear under it?”
“Jane was having none of it and told me I was being selfish. She said she doesn’t even know if her treatment will work and this is only a small favor that she’s asking.”
“Uhm, exactly- so she thinks that you should be willing to risk turning your heirloom wedding dress into her funeral shroud, tainted forever by her illness and possibly her death?”
“It’s not a small favor. It’s huge.”
“Arguably a bigger favor than the wedding itself.”
“She’s trying to blackmail you into letting her wear your grandmother’s veil and your mother’s wedding dress before you get to wear them!” ~ rapt2right
OP came back with info…
“Edit for more info: My fiancé’s family is antivax.”
“That’s why she didn’t get the HPV vaccine.”
“I converted June but we kept it from his family.”
“My dress is safely kept in my parent’s house, to those who are worried it might get destroyed.”
“Although I don’t think Jane is the kind of person to destroy it.”
“She is kind and a good friend of mine.”
“Lastly, let me clarify that my wedding isn’t given to her for free, they are to pay for it.”
“We still haven’t decided on a new wedding date though.”
“We’ll see how Jane’s treatment is going.”
“To those who are worried we might not get paid, June had asked his friend (a lawyer) to have everything in writing before Jane and her fiancé can proceed to taking over our wedding.”
“Our wedding isn’t lavish, we only spent around 18k, mostly due to the venue being expensive.”
“They already paid 12k (from their wedding funds).”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. You already gave her the damn day.”
“The dress and veil are both items saved for you by your family.”
“The dress has already been altered to fit you.”
“Her illness does not give her the rights to your dress and veil.”
“She better find herself a dress soon because it’ll probably be your fault if she doesn’t have enough time for alterations.”
“I’m already sorry for you and the future crap you are going to have to deal with.” ~ _-cephalopod-_
“NTA. She sounds like an entitled brat.”
“Yes she has cervical cancer but that doesn’t mean she can demand things from people.”
“You already are giving her your wedding.”
“You do not have to give her your dress.” ~ susanbarron33
Well OP, Reddit is in your corner.
As much sympathy as there is for Jane, it sounds like Reddit wants her to find her own dress.
You’re allowed to keep your dress for you.
You also get to have a special day.
Good luck and Congrats.
And sending high hopes for a full recovery for Jane.