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Bride Refuses To Pay Cousin Who’s Making Her Wedding Cake Since They’re ‘Not A Professional Baker’

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A Redditor is an amateur baker who became really good at baking during the pandemic.

Their budding passion for the hobby led her to bake birthday cakes for her friends at no cost to them.

When their cousin, who the Redditor purported to be very close with, asked them to bake a cake for her wedding, they agreed but under one condition.

The stipulation was not accepted, leading them to visit the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and ask:

“AITA for refusing to bake a cake for my cousin’s wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained why they refused to come through for their cousin.

“I’m a 19 year old baker. Not a professional by any means, but one of those people who learned baking as a result of quarantine boredom, and got really good at it.”

“So my cakes look like they are professionally made and aesthetic.”

“My cousin (26) is getting married soon, and we’ve always been very close. We grew up with her living in the same apartment complex, so she was a big part of my childhood.”

“And I’m very close with her younger brother (20) as well. She’s always been like the elder sibling I never had, and I respect her a lot.”

“So I was obviously extremely thrilled and honoured when she asked me to bake her a cake for her wedding. It always feels good to have your hobby be recognised enough to be a part of an important event like a wedding.”

“I agreed immediately, and we discussed what kind of cake she wanted. It happened to be a three tier chocolate cake with white and pink frosting.”

“I agreed to make her the cake, and told her that I’d be happy to make it for free if she was willing to cover the cost of the ingredients. This was a shock to her, and she seemed pretty insulted.”

“She went on to remind me of how I bake cakes for pretty much everyone’s birthdays and how it’s always for free. I told her that I do that as a surprise gift to them (she’s one of the people I’ve made a birthday cake for) and because I enjoy baking.”

“Also, a birthday cake is easier and more affordable to make. A wedding cake, especially a three tier one, is more complicated and pricey. I offered to do it for free if she’d be okay with a smaller cake.”

“But she’s adamant on the three tiers. I would have been happy to do it as a gift to her, but I’m currently in the process of saving up for a big move, and cannot afford to spend so much at the time being. I didn’t expect it to hurt her so much, but it did.”

“She started accusing me of not caring about her or her wedding. She thinks I’m being stuck up and selfish, and not helping her save up money for the wedding.”

“Her argument is that I’m not a professional baker, so paying me for my work seems ridiculous and unnecessary.”

“This has led to the entire family being on my case, including my parents who think I’m being stubborn for nothing. My aunt told me that she thought we were closer than this.”

“Now I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong. AITA?”

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

A strong majority of Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.

“NTA. you’re NINETEEN! And you’re only asking for cost of ingredients! That’s VERY reasonable.” – leezee2468

‘Her argument is that I’m not a professional baker, so paying me for my work seems ridiculous and unnecessary.’

“That is the exact moment I would have told cousin to kick rocks. A moment before, she thought OP’s cakes were professional enough for her wedding.”

“Then, when she was told that she had to just buy ingredients, she tried to diminish OP’s talent. I would invite her to please use the services of a professional baker who she deems worthy of her money.”

“When she gets that hefty pricetag, she will be running back and begging OP to help.”

“I would then pay her dust……” – Electrical-Date-3951

“NTA. Do any of them know how much the ingredients cost? Or how much time it’ll take? Or tools you’ll have to buy that you don’t already own? Because that’s your answer.”

“Most people have no clue how much effort goes into a nice wedding cake, as opposed to a simple birthday cake. It’s easy for them to assume it’s like asking someone to make three dozen cookies instead of a dozen.”

“Doing it as a wedding present is completely justifiable, IMHO.” – Onequestion0110

“OP needs to tell relatives that it’s like making 3 cakes for one person. Add in any extra supplies that might be needed because it is a wedding cake.”

“Maybe OP needs to write up the cost of a birthday cake vs the wedding cake including labor and time costs. Then get a quote from a similar baker about the wedding cake.”

“That way she can at least show her parents the comparison and let them know she was only asking for the cost of the ingredients, as the rest would be a gift.”

“Edit: To cut any confusion, I am guessing that OP does elaborate birthday cakes and not sheet cakes.” – SilverCat70

“People who don’t make wedding cakes don’t care. They just like pretty results. They don’t get the background that goes into making cakes.”

“My Mom and my Aunt did major cake decorating. They did my aunt’s – which was multi tier and included a staircase and a fountain. They also did a couple others for friends of the family including a multi tier golden anniversary cake that was huge.”

“They actually quit doing those type of cakes for others because life and their fun hobby was getting way too much, especially since both were working full-time and got pregnant. I wisely kept my hobby as a hobby.”

“Anyway. I was saying that as a comparison that could be used that others could understand.”

“I do think I see what some of the issue might be. I have been guessing that OP makes elaborate birthday cakes as well. My Mom would do multi layers in birthday cakes that she made for my brother and I.”

“It would have been equal to one tier on a wedding cake. So, I would have been associating the cost of an elaborate birthday cake with a tier on a wedding cake. I forget about sheet cakes – which I am guessing that you are comparing?” – SilverCat70

“NTA- she’s asking for a favor the least she can do is pay for ingredients. It’s a huge discount to just pay for ingredients instead of the whole cake if she got it from someone else. She’s being TA.” – pianoteach96

“Your cousin knows that getting a wedding cake from a professional can be pricey. She should be thanking her lucky stars that you are only asking for her to cover the cost of ingredients. I say rescind the offer. At her big age she should know: don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”

“NTA.” – stop_spam_calls

“NTA. Your cousin does not get to demand free labor of you, regardless of it being her wedding, or your amateur (non professional) status as cake maker. If she likes your cake enough to want one for her wedding, she can pay for it.”

“To be perfectly honest, the cost of the cake ingredients is so small compared to the average cost of an entire wedding. Like, to be honest I would be insulted that she outright refused to pay you for it.”

“ALSO, the rest of your family are a**holes for being on your case. It’s not your job to make free cakes, just because you did it a few times in the past. You should 100% start asking for dollars when you make cakes.” – MysteriousMrX

“Yikes… NTA. If she’s so dead set on a three tier cake with the specifications she wants, now would be a good time to find out how much that would actually cost and show her the price.”

‘I’m literally willing to do this for free so YOU don’t need to pay someone else x amount , so long as you cover the baking costs, I’d say that’s more than fair..’

“Beggars can’t be choosers though. Please don’t give in to peer pressure, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Congrats on the new (yummy) hobby!” – Snommies

“I couldn’t agree more. This really hurts my heart reading this how quickly family can turn on you when they want to exploit you. OP I can tell this is really stressing you and how hurtful to you this is.”

“Gather quotes from different bakers for the specifications she wants and then send them to her and let her know once and for all that the ball is completely in her court and she can decide to either a. pay you for the ingredients b. accept a regular cake that you can afford to gift to her c. have no cake d. spend full price for a professional.”

“I’m really sorry this has happened to you OP, and you can tell the rest of the flying monkeys they can either pitch in to pay for the ingredients or buy her a professional cake, but ultimately they all can STFU. NTA.” – NonaOrganic

Overall, Redditors stood by the OP’s decision in refusing to fulfill the bride’s request since she was taking advantage of her.

Hopefully, the cousin will understand why covering the cost of the ingredients is not a big ask compared to buying a wedding cake from a professional baker.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo