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Dad Locks Himself In Room With Newborn So He Can Spend Time Alone With Her Away From Wife

Yoshiyoshi Hirokawa/ Getty Images

Going through a pregnancy and giving birth is an emotionally draining experience. It affects every aspect of a person. And, 80% of people giving birth will experience one form of postpartum anxiety and depression.

We must normalize talking about these things with our family and with mental health professionals.

Redditor newdadthrowaway8003 encountered this very issue with his wife. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.

He asked:

“AITA for locking myself and my newborn in the guest bedroom so that I could finally spend some time with her away from my wife?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Hello Reddit, my daughter is 2 weeks old.”

“I have barely held her since she was born. My wife constantly has her.”

“When I do get to hold her, my wife just starts crying hysterically until I give her back. I asked her why and she said she was anxious that something would happen to our daughter and that’s why she felt the need to hold her so close.”

“No matter how much I tried to reassure her, she just wouldn’t let up.”

“I practically begged her just to let me hold her so that my wife could shower, eat, and care for herself but nothing worked. I felt like I was losing precious bonding time with my daughter so I did what I thought I had to do.”

OP took matters into his own hands.

“My wife fell asleep on the sofa with our child, I took her, went to the guest bedroom and locked the door.”

“My wife woke up shortly after, very upset of course that our daughter wasn’t with her.”

“She soon realized I was in the guest room and begged me to open the door. She was crying, kicking, and screaming. I didn’t open it though, and spent a good couple hours with our daughter in there.”

“Apparently my wife had called her mom, because I got a call from my MIL cussing me out, saying how I shouldn’t be taking a newborn from her postpartum mother and other things like that.”

“My wife has been furious with me and won’t speak and I’m just so frustrated because I really just wanted to spend quality time with my child but maybe that wasn’t the way to do it.”


Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors were conflicted.

“Woah, Jesus Christ. Your wife needs help ASAP. From an actual therapist or doctor, not you.”

“You both need to come up with coping strategies if she has PPD or severe anxiety. You should not antagonize her by locking yourself in a room with your child.”

“Please get some help and eyes on this situation immediately. For everyone’s safety.”

“Edit: I feel I focused too much on the a**hole aspect and not the emergency aspect. As others have said you need to get to a doctor literally as soon as possible.”

“This is a medical crisis that cannot wait. It can escalate quickly and your family is in danger. Postpartum depression, anxiety and psychosis are very real and you have to get help right now.”


“Emergency hotline number: 1-800-273-8255”

“Edit #2: I’m removing the YTA from my post because it’s not helpful. This was never about a**holes and I shouldn’t have made a judgment.” ~ dothepingu

“This. Your wife has some serious issues that need immediate medical attention.” ~ TriZARAtops


“I had baaaad postpartum anxiety after my last. It was hard to cope with. If someone had done this to me I would have spiraled so bad..this poor Momma.”

“OP is TA and heartless and selfish. My goodness.”

“I hope this Momma gets yesterday.” ~ 3kidslater2019

OP needs to help his wife get better.

“OP is a new father and was basically told by his wife he doesn’t get to hold his own child. As this sub so often points out, your illness doesn’t justify asshole behavior.”

“IMO this is NAH or ESH. Two new parents, both probably tired after two weeks of no sleep, and they were both completely unreasonable.” ~ Stormydivae

“She’s not having a**hole behavior. She has PPD and needs medical treatment. A supportive spouse would’ve put their partner’s concerns first. He’s very clearly the a**hole in this situation.” ~ BirdoSchnoz

“No he is also a new parent, probably also scared and anxious. And being told by his partner that he can’t be trusted with their child, that he doesn’t have the same rights to access as she does.”

“That apparently what she wants goes and screw any of his feelings or mental state about not being ‘allowed’ to care for his daughter.” ~ masnep

“Yes, he should have dealt with his mental state in a better way, so should she have. Apparently neither of them was capable of that. Which shows the level of distress their both in.”

“You’re showing a lot of empathy for the woman’s situation and none for the man’s situation, why is that?” ~ masnep

“Because the cause of the actions were vastly different and one was a lot more f’ked up than the other?”

“Cause of wife’s behavior: postpartum anxiety”

“Action: Getting anxious when she wasn’t holding the baby and doing so as much as possible, excluding her husband from holding the baby.”

“Cause of husbands action: frustration”

“Action: taking the baby while wife was sleeping and locking the door between his daughter and wife for hours while she cried and screamed, clearly hysterical from anxiety, without once considering ‘maybe I should bring this strange behavior up to a doctor’ -nah I should just make it so my wife doesn’t feel like she can sleep without risking the baby being taken (yes that’s not good but her brain is f’ked up right now and that’s not her fault).”

“The husband not getting to spend time with their baby is bad. It 100% needs to change.”

“But the cause wasn’t malicious and the solution wasn’t betraying his wife’s trust and locking the door.”

“Him being perfectly happy to sit and listen to his wife in hysterics for hours without once being concerned for her well-being or considering that she needed medical help showed a crazy high lack of empathy from him.”

“That’s why everyone is more concerned about her than him.”

“It would be the same if the genders flipped and the husband was the one with a treatable anxiety disorder while the wife, being frustrated by not being able to do things she should be able to do, went behind his back and did them in one of the most traumatic ways possible without a care for the husbands well-being at all.” ~ Mythgirl

“YTA. PPA and PPD is a real thing. You sequestered your newborn from your wife who needs HELP and just made the situation 100X worse.”

“Now she can’t and probably will not trust you with the child until she gets that help. Maybe not even after.”

“Holy sh*t. I can’t believe you even have to ask on this one. There is no validation for you not being an A H.”

“Get her help, go to therapy WITH her, and for the love of god don’t ever sit there and listen to your wife screaming and crying for hours.”

“You do realize that’s not good for your newborn or your wife’s milk supply if your daughter is EBF and that’s like the least distressing thing about this post.” ~ Crow_Wife

“I can’t imagine how you could have been more of TA in this scenario. Your wife clearly has PPA and PPD and you thought intentionally traumatizing her 2 weeks after she went through one of the toughest experiences of her life was the way to go?”

“Not to mention the fact that you deprived yourself newborn baby of food for HOURS 😳. Bro, get over yourself.”

“Your desire to hold the baby is SECONDARY to your wife’s physical and mental well being and the health and safety of your child.” ~ nerdforlife7

“YTA – Your wife is hysterically screaming for her baby and you think this is HELPING??? Do you think this was calm relaxing bonding time???”

“Your wife needs serious help but you’re a GIANT F’KING JACKA**.” ~ doughnutmakemelaugh


“She most likely has post partum depression and you just made it worse.”

“Please take her to a therapist because it seems like it was very severe already and she most likely won’t trust you or anyone else now. Apologize and ask.” ~ aquaticanimations10

“YTA – this is a medical emergency and your wife needs help ASAP.”

“Taking the baby while she was sleeping & locking yourself in the room with her just made the situation so much worse and made it that much harder to trust you.”

“Get help from others and you’re not equipped to put your own feelings aside right now, lack of sleep will do that, so get help and make sure you’re all ok.” ~ FoodBabyBaby

“YTA. Your wife needs help, and she needs it NOW.”

“Also, I’m sure it’s an unpopular opinion, but yta for locking her out of the room from her baby for HOURS.”

“None of this behavior is ok from either party.”

“You have only made the situation worse by acting that way and basically confirming her fears and unwillingness to let her baby go.” ~ SlightSkill3

“‘My wife very clearly has postpartum anxiety, but I decided to make the situation about ME and further damage her mental stability by keeping her newborn away from her daughter for hours’.”


“You noticed her odd behavior but didn’t think to do anything about it? You just assumed she was anxious and selfish?”

“Postpartum anxiety and depression kills mothers, and babies. This isn’t your wife being selfish, it’s her drowning.”

“You were too focused on your own feelings to notice that.” ~ rotisseriesh*thead-

“Forget whether or not anyone was TAH here and get this mom to a hospital. Has the OP come back to acknowledge the seriousness of his wife’s health and to say he is taking his wife to her doctor or the hospital right away?”

“I fear what she might do in light of having the baby taken away from her like this. She is not in her right mind.”

“The chemical imbalance coupled with the lack of sleep has created a critical situation that needs to be dealt with immediately. I don’t want to read about this becoming a tragedy on tomorrow’s news.”

“OP, do you understand the urgency here? Please do not think you can wait to address this tomorrow or in a few days.”

“Call your MIL back and let her know the situation.”

“Would MIL coming to you be of any help right now? Both parents are sleep deprived and not making rational choices.”

“Is MIL good in this type of situation? Consider getting her to come and stay with you for a while to help with the baby so the OP can focus on his wife.”

“OP, please give us an update when you can.” ~ 77Megg77

“YTA. Dude, it’s only been 2 weeks!”

“How are you adding this much stress to a new mom like this so soon after she’s given birth?”

“She’s dealing with all sorts of hormones, changes to her body, and bonding/caring for a newborn and you can’t find a way to accommodate her needs?”

“Back off. Support your wife in a way she that makes her feel safe.”

“If she’s this fragile and emotional you should be watching like a hawk for signs of PPD, not potentially exacerbating her symptoms by hijacking the baby into the bathroom.” ~ thevaginalist

“Negative 52 empathy for your wife, with postpartum anxiety. YTA of the highest order here dude.”

“Surprised she didn’t pack up and go to her moms. I would have, You would have woke up to an empty house and I’d be at my parents house.”

“Your wife was screaming and crying and you didn’t give a sh*t about it. It’s all about you isn’t it.”

“Who cares if this woman who just gave birth was having a breakdown right? You don’t, do you.”

“You deserve as much empathy as you have, which is NONE.” ~ Glamma1970

While Redditors were split in their judgment, everyone had the same suggestion.

OP needs to reach out to a doctor for help.