The words consent and content have only one letter difference between them, but since the advent of social media, they've been linked in other ways.
Most states have one or two party consent laws when it comes to being recorded—either audio or video. The laws were primarily enacted to block things like wiretapping and recording videos for legal (or sometimes illegal) purposes.
But content creators often ignore such laws, maintaining that anything in their vicinity is fair game to be recorded and posted online. People are routinely photographed or filmed to be mocked online for their appearance, activities, words, or behavior.
On platforms like TikTok, once one person shares content that gets attention, others pile on hoping to get their own reactions.
A man who suspected his date planned to use their first meeting to create social media content turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Ok_Sprinkles_5245 asked:
"AITAH for quitting a date on the spot?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I'm 32 and it was my first date with a 27 years old woman."
"It was dinner at a patio style restaurant and it was going well. I didn't like she put her phone on the table as soon as she arrived but, she wasn't checking on it, so whatever."
"Issue was drinks and appetizers arrived and I moved her phone to give the waitress some space."
"The recording app was running and I reacted in shock: 'why the f*ck are you recording this?' Then stood up, paid and went home."
"She is now calling me an a**hole and abusive over social media. Her main points is that I left her there when we had previously talked about me giving her a ride back home after the date."
"And also, rude as hell for raising my voice and using swear words. Which OK, I did, but it was a shocking experience and I really think it was a natural reaction."
"AITAH?"
The OP later added:
"To everyone asking, this happened in the greater LA area. I know California is a two party consent state, but as a brown Latino immigrant, I'd rather not have the police involved, specially not these days."
"She said it was for safety. I guess she would have also secretly recorded me on the ride home. But yes, it doesn't make much sense to me either."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to object to being recorded without their consent (NTA).
"NTA. You aren't her content. Recording your date is a sign that she doesn't fully understand consent."
"And if she was worried about her safety in a public space, why would she get in a car alone with you?"
"I think a lot of people somehow think the fact that they are recording something gives an element of protection that it really does not." ~ Sherifftruman
"Filming doesn't protect, it just documents. There's a subset of 'influencers' who secretly film their dates to post to their social media, often making fun of their date in the process. I suspect that was the case here." ~ teresajs
"NTA. There is simply no good reason she could give why she recorded you." ~ Realistic-Major4888
"Being recorded wouldn't prevent you from hurting her. It would just enable consequences for you (if the recording were found)."
"Normal people don't do this, you dodged a bullet."
"You meet in a public place, so there's some built in safety there. She could have had a friend nearby, or ready for a check in. She certainly shouldn't have agreed to get in your car without knowing you."
"She's crazy." ~ W0nderingMe
"And not telling the person you're recording 'for safety' provides no deterrent. It's why security cameras are placed in plain view." ~ aqaba_is_over_there
"NTA. I don't get why commenters are hung up on you raising your voice and cursing. I am also a woman, I think her recording your date is bonkers, and that your response was normal and not 'abusive' like she's trying to claim." ~ musiicalsoulz
"Not to mention if a guy was secretly recording a woman they would not care what she said or did in response." ~ snoodle908
"He has all the right to say whatever he wants. It's wild for anyone to judge how he reacted (unless it was with violence). As a woman I wouldn't blame him for dropping every cuss word invented!" ~ BubblesofWar0
"Also a woman and I agree. If I noticed that my date was recording our entire conversation, my reaction would be 'what the fuck are you doing? What's wrong with you?'."
"Her lying and saying it's for 'safety' is really annoying too. It's for social media content and that's so pathetic. NTA." ~ RichCaterpillar991
"I think raising the voice is totally the right reaction. Make sure people around you witness what is happening. Like others here, I think she was trying to create content, and by raising his voice, he made it very hard for her to spin it." ~ SchwarzeMira
"Reacting to abuse is not abuse. She violated boundaries and in many places it's a criminal offense to record someone."
"That's why call centers always say they are recording 'for quality purposes'. Personal privacy is pretty much dead post-9/11 and post-social media, but it still remains true that you have a certain expectation of privacy."
"Abusers will do something f*cked up and when you react they call you abusive. Gaslighting 101." ~ Wallaby8311
"NTA. It's so disrespectful to record someone in a private context like that. I'm a girl and I would have react just like you did."
"You were suppose to drive her back home, but it was before learning she was a psycho. I will feel in danger with somebody recording me without my consent, so of course I will not drive this person anywhere!"
"And she says it's for safety reason (I don't really see how it is supposed to protect her) but it can also be for making fun of you with her friends after the date. Or to blackmail you after you said something sensitive. So avoiding this deranged person seems the safest option." ~ Kirjavadakedavra
"NTA. I would quit a date on the spot if someone was recording me, too. And no, I would not take her ALONE in my car. She can take an Uber home. Deciding that the date is over and you're not giving her a ride is not 'abusive'."
"Also, raising your voice and saying 'why the f*ck are you recording this?' is also not abusive. Not nice, but not abusive. It's a reasonable thing that if you're surprised by something, you're going to react to it."
"It's not like you grabbed the phone and threw it at her or smashed it on the ground. THAT would be abusive. Assuming all you did was in a louder than normal voice say 'why the f*ck are you recording this' you are NTA."
"If you live in a state where both parties have to consent to record, then what she did was illegal. If you're so paranoid about safety that you feel like you have to record your dates, you're not ready to date. Go get therapy, lady." ~ NYCStoryteller
"Let's normalize walking away because something doesn't sit right. Please stop questioning if you were the a**hole." ~ Little_Fig5267
"some people are desperate to upload sh*t every single day, even if they have nothing going on in their life. so much so that they will go out of their way to create drama so they can either pretend they are a victim or pretend they have been upset or insulted in some way."
"this isn't unusual and accounts for probably a decent chunk of ALL social media content that isnt made by AI or bots."
"a LARGE number of people are just that deperate for engagement and attention from random people on the internet. and it's so common that now i generally default to assuming things are bullsh*t, until actual proof and context have been provided." ~ Glittering-Draw-6223
"NTA, that was weird as F and pretty twisted to record your conversation in the middle of a restaurant. It's bizarre that she felt the need to record you in the middle of a restaurant 'for safety' but then expected to get into a car alone with you for a ride home."
"Yeah, I'm not buying it. Someone that worried about safety would never get into a car with a stranger on a first date. I'm not paranoid enough to record conversations and I would never get in a car with someone I don't know well."
"You were fine to walk out. You dodged a bullet here my friend." ~ Amazing_Reality2980
"She was content farming. She was waiting for something off color to happen on the date to post it. Zero doubt. Why else would she be recording?"
"It's not a 'safety concern', it's a content concern. Plus she figured she'd get a free meal and drinks out of it before detonating the 'date' on the ride home."
"That's why she got so upset about the arrangement to give her a ride home going out the window… she had a plan. You muffed that plan up by walking. Consider yourself lucky, man." ~ Fun_Bit7398
Regardless of the legality of her actions or her real reasons for recording, no one is obligated to donate their time to a disastrous date.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.