We all have our own concept of what will make us happy, in regards to our love lives, our work lives, and who we are as people.
Some people don’t like to respect our values, however, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowRAbotandnot was being openly criticized by a woman she had just met for the married life she chooses to have.
After hearing the other woman’s final words on the matter, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to snap back at the other woman.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for throwing a woman’s divorce in her face after she insulted my marriage?”
The OP lived as a traditional housewife.
“I (28 [Female]) have been married to my husband ‘Harold’ (29 [Male]) for the past 5 years.”
“A bit of background: Harold and I have what most people would refer to as a ‘traditional marriage.'”
“He’s the Breadwinner and I’m the Homemaker, so all the responsibilities in the home are my job, and all the responsibilities outside the home are his job.”
“Harold and I agreed to pursue this type of lifestyle, and it benefits us both equally.”
Not everyone agreed with her lifestyle.
“Unfortunately, we’ve had our share of judgment and harsh opinions from people that simply don’t understand our marriage.”
“We’ve had a few friends and family members tell us that Harold is forcing this life on me, I’m wasting my ‘best years,’ etc.”
“I try my best to explain to people that our marriage dynamic is consensual and it’s what makes us happy.”
“It also doesn’t make it any easier that I’m the only woman in my friend group that doesn’t work outside the home.”
The OP recently hosted a girls’ night at her house.
“Yesterday, I had a girls’ get-together with all my friends (8 of us in total).”
“A friend of mine asked if she could invite one of her coworkers, ‘Nina’ (32 [Female]).”
“My friend told me that Nina recently went through a messy divorce and that she could use some girl time.”
“I’ve never met Nina, but I didn’t see any problem with inviting her.”
“Nina came over, she introduced herself, and everything was going smoothly.”
It went well until Nina asked a common question.
“A couple of hours into the visit, Nina asked me what I do for work.”
“I told her that I didn’t have a conventional job and that I’m a Homemaker.”
“Nina gave me a confused look, which I’m very used to at this point.”
‘She then asked, ‘Why would you wanna be cooped up in here all day?'”
“I told her that my husband and I are happy just having a more traditional marriage.”
“She rolled her eyes and said, ‘Oh… right. It’s what you and your husband wanted.'”
“I asked her what she meant by that.”
“She said, ‘No woman who was born after the ’40s actually wants a traditional marriage. Their husbands just convince them to want it.'”
“I then said that her comments were a bit rude, generalizing, and belittling.”
“She kept giving me judgy side glances and clearly wasn’t taking me seriously.”
The OP had enough of the conversation.
“The last straw was when I overheard her tell one of my friends, ‘Well, at least OP doesn’t have kids, especially daughters. I just can’t imagine them living a life like this.'”
“I was p**sed off and said, ‘You’re right, Nina, this isn’t a happy life to live. When I need tips on how to become a depressed divorcee at 32, I’ll give you a call.'”
“Everyone heard it, the room went dead silent, Nina then started crying and left.”
“A couple of my friends left and called me a b***h for stooping so low.”
“A couple of my other friends stayed and said that Nina deserved it after being so rude to me first.”
“I spoke to Harold about what happened, and he’s on the fence about the whole thing.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said that there are people who won’t let their sexist views go.
“There are still a lot of sexist views on women who stay home.”
“My husband gets praised for taking care of the house, while my sister who does the exact same thing gets asked what she does all day. It’s bulls**t.” – Affectionate-Loon28
“My friend goes through this a lot. Her and her husband have a very even split and believe in choice over stereotypes.”
“She proposed to him and seeing people’s reaction to hearing the news of her engagement and then that she was the one to ask was heartbreaking and infuriating.”
“The majority of people went from excited to questioning why you would even bother marrying a guy if he didn’t ask, why he wasn’t a ‘real man’ or pitying her for ‘having to ask.’ She put a lot of time and effort into the proposal literally over a year in planning and getting everything together.”
“They’ve both been a stay-at-home parent while the other worked because they believe that neither of them should be in a job they hate and they adore their daughter.”
“She’s currently the breadwinner and people who are happy about her having her own career turn judgemental on a dime about him being a stay-at-home dad.”
“Some people have ideas in their head of what feminism/gender equality looks like, but can’t accept it when they see what it actually looks like in practice.” – PugglePuff
“I totally agree that OP is totally 100% NTA, but I do always worry inside about women in situations like this being financially manipulated, abused, etc. or when the guy just f**ks off one day and the woman hasn’t worked in years and can’t get any job that pays a living wage, etc.”
“All of these scenarios I’ve seen in my real life and it stresses me out for those women.”
“My mother was one and she really drilled it into me to have a career I can always fall back on.” – AlfredoQueen88
Others agreed and said Nina insulted the OP in her own home.
“I will never understand so-called ‘feminists’ who say that women need to be making their own choices in how they live, and when a woman chooses a more traditional role to play in life/society/marriage, this same ‘feminist’ decides to challenge, question, and insult their autonomy and ability to make decisions.”
“It’s hypocrisy at its finest.”
“NTA sweetie. She insulted you in your own home and didn’t stop. Yeah, gloves come off at that point.” – spaceguitar
“Nina – a STRANGER – has the balls to insult someone who was kind enough to invite her into their home?”
“And your ‘friends,’ who were guests in your home, called YOU a b***h?”
“Time for new friends. You’re NTA – they showed you who the AHs are.” – hiimlauralee
“NTA. Who even has the audacity to come into someone else’s home at an event they were not actually invited to and belittle the life choices of someone they’ve only just met.”
“Misery loves company and she’s clearly trying to make herself feel better by ragging on you.”
“The comments about husbands could be interpreted as her bitterness towards men coming out and some kind of warped form of what she thinks feminism should be.”
“But when she essentially implied that you’d make a terrible mother to daughters, that was uncalled for and inexcusable.” – throwawaypekingduck
“NTA. Honestly, she’s probably just bitter because her marriage just broke up and yours seems to be doing perfectly fine.”
“My sister and brother-in-law have a reverse type of traditional marriage.”
“He loves to be home, to cook, to clean, to do all of the traditional ‘wife’ work, my sis HATES doing all that.”
“So he is a homemaker and sis makes all the money but she values him and everything he does and he also has a full saying everything that happens because they’re in a marriage.” – MacaroonHead5187
A few saw tremendous value in being a homemaker or stay-at-home mom.
“Society as a whole in this country only values you if you are making money.”
“Never mind that I’m raising the future generation. That doesn’t count as a job to society. Which is kinda dumb.”
“I get s**t on all the time for being a homemaker. But it’s what I wanted to do… make a happy home… because I didn’t have that growing up. And I don’t have to justify it to anyone.”
“I do still feel… idk (I don’t know), ashamed? For not pursuing a career, but in the long run, I’d have quit when I had kids anyway.” – reading_internets
“It’s crazy to me that so many people are judgmental about this kind of thing.”
“When I was growing up, my mom was a SAHM (stay-at-home mom), and it was great.”
“She helped support my dad working, which was desperately needed as he worked an incredibly demanding and exhausting job. She also cleaned, cooked, did the bills, and looked after me.”
“I got to grow up with a lot of parental support because she was available.”
“My best friend growing up, however, had a dad who worked all hours running an insurance company and a mom who was an obstetrics unit nurse who worked 7-on 7-off.”
“But a lot of her off time was spent going off and doing projects and other things, so she was also hardly ever around.”
“End result, my best friend is a SAHM now. She admired my family situation so much growing up compared to hers and found trying to fit in a normal working environment was horrific for her mental health.”
“She’s far happier as a SAHM, she’s got two well-adjusted kids, and has a beautiful, clean, and more importantly serene-feeling home.”
“Why anyone would want to s**t on that, I seriously don’t know. Capitalism and consumerism sucks. I’d sit it out too if I could!” – Mewssbites
Despite the OP’s harsh words to Nina, the subReddit supported her reaction to the other woman’s uncalled-for critiques. Not only was she a guest in the OP’s house, but her feedback was, both, unsolicited and hurtful, not to mention her comments about parenting.