Public intoxication is tolerated at varying levels depending on the situation and location. Being drunk in a bar is largely overlooked.
Being drunk during Sunday mass or your child's dance recital? Not so much.
But what about airports?
Alcohol is served in most major airports and by most airlines. Clearly imbibing isn't shunned behavior.
But once alcohol is combined with attitude and a**holery, people find themselves asked to vacate the premises—sometimes with the assistance of law enforcement.
A newlywed woman found herself with a decision to make at an airport after her husband was denied passage on their flight for his drunken disorderly antics.
When her husband disagreed with her decision, she turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
CantaloupeLife7504 asked:
"AITA for not deplaning with my husband after he was kicked off for being too drunk?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (28, female) recently married my husband Adam (30, male)."
"We are the same ethnicity and both speak our language. However I am more fluent as I go to our home country more often."
"My extended family are all there in our home country. It was just my parents, me and my sisters here."
"Adam's grandparents are the ones who came to this country first, so he has most of his family here. We see them more often, so I am close with his family."
"My parents are divorced and around the time I started dating Adam, my dad moved back to our home country. I regularly call him, but since he moved he has only been able to come see me twice and then was at my wedding."
"My dad disapproves of Adam."
"I have had fights with Adam in the past about how I feel I have made more of an effort with his family and he hasn't done the same for me."
"Both my parents speak our home language. When we started dating, Adam wasn't conversationally fluent so there was a barrier to them initially bonding."
"It was more apparent when my dad came to stay with us, but in the lead up to the wedding my dad stayed with us and it went fine."
"I have been planning a trip to my home country to surprise my dad and asked Adam to come as well. He agreed and then balked when I said we were going to stay with my dad."
"He made what I thought was a joke about having to drink before meeting him. I didn't find it funny and Adam later apologised."
"Yesterday was our flight."
"I was going straight to the airport after work, so Adam went early with our suitcases to check in. We were meant to meet up later."
"However, he was drunk and the flight attendant wouldn't let him stay on the plane. I called my brother-in-law (BIL) who could take care of Adam and left my BIL's phone number with the attendant taking care of him."
"I stayed on my flight. My home country is far away, so my non-refundable tickets were expensive and I took leave off from work for the trip, so I didn't get off with Adam."
"Adam is now upset with me, saying I left him alone in a situation where he was drunk and if roles were reversed he would have never left me. But I don't think that is fair."
The OP summed up their situation.
"My husband got too drunk at the airport and got kicked off the plane."
"I didn't get off with him as tickets are non-refundable and I have wanted to see my dad for ages."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Dude made a conscious decision to get drunk. I'm sure if he were to suddenly become so ill that he couldn't fly you would have stayed with him."
"But this isn't something that just happened to him or something you did to him. He made a decision to do this to himself and has no one else to blame."
"Enjoy your visit with your dad!" ~ CommittedIndecisive
"Proud of you for not letting him take you hostage with his behavior and devious attempt to mess up your visit. Don't ever stop being strong and enforcing those boundaries. Fly on." ~ FeRaL--KaTT
"NTA. This man deliberately tried to ruin your time with your father because your father doesn't think highly of him. Let me guess, your father picked up on Adam being immature, spiteful, selfish, and poorly annered."
"You need to ask yourself what someone who would do this to spite you brings to the table and why you stay with him." ~ saintandvillian
"NTA. Is he always this manipulative? He planned to get drunk and probably knew they wouldn't let him on the flight for that reason."
"He weasled his way out of the trip then gaslighted you and said you were at fault. He's a grown man, doesn't he know when he's getting drunk?"
"Of course he does. You didn't leave him totally alone, as you called for your BIL."
"A drunk man alone is different and imo less vulnerable than a drunk woman alone, anyway. Good luck with this marriage." ~ singingkiltmygrandma
"NTA. If he's accidentally getting too drunk before a flight at 30, he has a problem. If he did it on purpose, he is a problem."
"Either way, letting him disrupt your life so you can coddle his drunk a** solves nothing." ~ dryadduinath
"NTA. Adam is an adult and should, at this point in his life, know how much alcohol he can drink to get tipsy but not totally smashed."
"He's old enough to know how you should act on a plane. If this were a small trip that wasn't at a great cost, time suck, and required to take time off of work, I'd say sure it'd be good to stay with him."
"But in this situation? Hell, no. He knew there was a long flight ahead, that tickets had been expensive, and that the plan was to visit your family."
"'Sorry, Dad, I couldn't make the flight because my husband, who you already don't really like, got SO drunk they wouldn't allow him on the plane'. No. Just, no." ~ fallingintopolkadots
"NTA: you didn't leave him alone in a ditch. You left him where people were coming for him and watching out for him."
"He played a stupid game and won a stupid prize." ~ DragonBard_Z
"A part of me has come to wonder if this prize was even that drunk or if they just thought that being denied boarding—rather than being an adult who refuses to go, right or wrong—for something would get her to stay behind. NTA." ~ RumpusParableHere
"I get nervous flying and part of my pre-flying routine is having a beer to relax and forget we're in a metal tube filled with combustibles 30k feet in the air—don't come at me, this is how I cope."
"One time it was raining and cloudy and I knew I was in for a rough take off and probably a flight, so I had a little more than my customary beer. I was tipsy, jamming to the music on my headphones and smiling like an idiot to everyone."
"I had no issues getting onto the plane."
"Can't imagine how drunk your husband had to be to be denied boarding. He probably noticed that he was passing the realm between buzzed, tipsy and drunk and did not stop."
"Plane tickets are not cheap and the logistics of having to change your trip to accommodate an immature adult is not something you should have to do."
"Obviously NTA." ~ BeautifulIsland39
"There's so many videos online of drunks being denied boarding, but it's not just about being drunk. It's being drunk AND loud or belligerent."
"They want to screen people likely to cause problems with other passengers once the flight's in the air. If you board quietly, smiling, I agree, no one's going to stop you." ~ Wave_Babies
"I kind of wonder if it was deliberate. Adam expected OP to be booted off the flight with him and 'oh, noooooo, it is too expensive to visit dad for a few more years'."
"Regardless, getting drunk at an airport in your home city is not any more unsafe than getting drunk at a pub in your home city. OP organised BIL to collect him and had reasonable expectation of of him being safe under the supervision of the flight attendant until BIL arrived."
"The husband ought to be apologising profusely to OP and deeply embarrassed. I would feel terrible and mortified if my drunken behaviour nearly put a stop to a much anticipated, expensive trip for my husband."
"Instead he is doubling down which makes me cynical about his motives for getting drunk. NTA." ~ Cherry_clafoutis
"Seems like Adam is trying to keep you away from your family. Huge red flag. You make an effort for his family, and he won't do the same."
"Hell, I bet it is expected for you to get along with his family, but he doesn't set those expectations for himself with your family. He knew how important it was for you to see your dad, and yet he still got drunk."
"He told you he would get drunk before going to meet your dad. He purposely got drunk as a ploy for you both not to go visit your father. I bet he never imagined you would go without him."
"He could have caught another flight after sobering up. He may have had to pay a bit more, though. Now, he is trying to play victim, saying if roles were reversed."
"But the roles would never be like that as you would never do that to him. I would rethink this whole relationship and see a marriage councellor. NTA." ~ Ace_boy08
Most felt Adam was acting a bit go make sure he got booted from the flight.
Or he's a really sloppy drunk.
Either way, no one faulted the OP for staying on the plane and going on her planned visit.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.