Offering opinions on a grown child’s choices can be dicey business, and for one man on Reddit it has turned into an all-out war with his wife.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by dueisdue, got into conflict with his spouse when he wouldn’t discourage their daughter from continuing to work as a stripper.
He wasn’t sure about how he was handling things, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
“AITA for not being mad at my daughter for her job”
“Just recently I was told about my daughters job as a stripper. At first I thought it was funny and a bit of a prank until I was actually shown evidence. At first I felt really strange because I couldn’t picture my daughter doing that, and this obviously started a big argument with my wife as she is horrified.”
“My wife wants me to talk to her to get her to quit, or change her mind. After telling my daughter about what I know, she decided to talk to me about it and how she doesn’t do it because she is desperate or anything, she simply enjoys that type of work. After hours of speaking with her I decided honestly I support her in what ever she does, as she is an adult now and she doesn’t look unhealthy and is doing well in her studies.”
“My biggest concern was feeling like someone put her up to this or that she is desperate for money, also I think these jobs could get unsafe for people, but speaking to her made me more calm when it comes to that. My wife, who is her mom tried, doesn’t have the closest relationship with our daughter so our daughter isn’t as honest with her mom as she is with me.”
“My wife got mad at me saying I ‘enouraged her to be a wh***’ and that it’s not ‘what fathers should do’. In my opinion, my daughter being 20 already, I raised her to be a successful person, to invest her money and to do well in school and as long as she is doing that well, I’m proud of her. My daughter confessed to me she has been doing it for a while and that she did want to tell me but that was scared to do so, me scolding her will just drive her away from me and I love her.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this scenario based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most of them seemed to firmly agree with OP’s approach.
“NTA – This is what unconditional love looks like. She’s an adult. You can’t tell her what to do anyhow. You’re smart for preserving that line of communication with her. She’s lucky to have you as a Father.” —jomamasophat
“NTA….. I’ll give your wife 6/10 a**hole points. Every job you sell your body. As long as your daughter is happy, safe, and financially viable. You have succeeded as a father.”
“I work on bourbon street in New orleans. I know strippers/dancers that clear 200k a year. ……. and they aren’t ‘whoring’ just dancing. The only concern I would have as a father my self is drugs.” —PizzaPunkrus
“NTA and she probably makes good money.” —xdaemonisx
“NTA. She’s not doing anything illegal or that harms others. You’re supporting her choices. You’re winning at parenting.” —XXSusanStohelitXX
“NTA. Support your adult daughter in her choices and keep the lines of communication open for advice should things ever shift into not being so safe.” —ParsimoniousSalad
“NTA honestly if you work in a nice place they do look after safety etc, if she is doing proper pole dancing thats an amazing skill and means she will be extremely fit, it pays good money and has a lot of rules. In no way dose it make her anything but a dancer. Good on you for supporting your daughter.” —HexStarlight
“NTA thank you for being a wonderful father. The world needs more dads like you.” —Ok_Pay5513
“11/10 Dad skills. NTA.”
“You’re doing your best to understand both sides and ensure you’re doing all the things a Father should (making sure your Daughter is safe, happy and doing well in life). Your Wife can’t blame you if should can’t comprehend things as calmly as you.” —-BananaLollipop-
“NTA – She’s grown and is going to do what she wants to do whether anyone likes it or not. You’re a good dad for both choosing to support her while making sure she’s making safe decisions. What you’re doing is loving her the best way you can, and while you’re in this predicament, it really made my day to read about a parent’s unconditional love.” —Small-And-Aggressive
“Nta you’re wife is for calling her own daughter a whore tho” —helpwhyamiadinosaur
“NTA. Holy sh*t you’re a good father. Open communication with your daughter like that is a treasure. Stripping is great money though, I’d give her some financial advice quick.”
“That kind of cash that early on could set her up for a life of winning or it could be squandered away and ruin her outlook on money.” —PraiseTyche
“NTA. Figure it like this – she’s going to do it whether you approve or not. So, you can have a relationship with your daughter as a stripper, or have no relationship with your daughter as a stripper.”
“I think I’d choose the first one, your daughter is an adult, and you want her to still be open with you. Keeping that open line of communication lets her know that she can come to you with anything, and you’ll know that she’s safe.” —3springers
“NTA, I’d say you are doing what a father should, by showing her you support her. if she gets in an unsafe situation she’ll know you have her back, and that’s damn important.” —QueerGeologist
Hopefully OP and his wife can come to an agreement about this.