One of the keys to a successful joke is knowing your audience.
Even professional comics occasionally see jokes that have had some people in stitches fall completely flat with other crowds.
This is particularly true of humor at the expense of someone else.
As even if someone was “only kidding”, they still don’t love hearing unkind or nasty things said about them.
The boyfriend of Redditor leafybucket had a habit of making jokes at the expense of her boyfriend’s appearance.
Making the original poster (OP) even more annoyed, was the fact that this same friend tended to make these jokes as a way of bringing attention to himself in a more favorable light.
Having finally reached her breaking point on a recent night out, the OP finally felt the need to give this friend a taste of his own medicine.
After being told by others that she went too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my friend he’s not even close to as handsome as my boyfriend?”
The OP shared how egos were bruised on a recent night out with her boyfriend and his friend:
“My boyfriend has a friend who is fairly conventionally attractive and kind of annoying about it.”
“The friend tends to make jokes at my boyfriend’s expense, usually poking fun at my boyfriend’s nose.”
“My boyfriend has a unique, larger, very handsome nose that I am very attracted to.”
“It’s very masculine and appealing to me, so when I hear his friend making fun of his ‘big nose’ and comparing my boyfriend to Angry Birds, it slightly bothers me, but it doesn’t appear to bother my boyfriend, and my boyfriend has even said the jokes make him laugh.”
“We were all drinking at a party the other day, and the friend was once again making jokes at my boyfriend’s expense about the way he looks.”
“I was pretty drunk and over the jokes, so I said ‘Oh please, you wish you looked like him’ with a smile on my face.”
“He seemed genuinely caught off guard since I’m normally fairly passive.”
“He said something along the lines of ‘Why would I want to look like him?’”
“I replied with ‘Because you’re not even close to as handsome as him’.”
“I thought it would come across as flirty and cute because I’m his girlfriend, so of course I think he is the most handsome in the world.”
“I thought it would be a nice ego boost for my boyfriend as well since he was getting dogged on for his nose all the time.”
“My boyfriend enjoyed my response, but his friend seemed actually hurt by what I said.”
“I heard later that he was telling others that what I said was really rude and uncalled for.”
“Some of my friends think I was just dishing it back, but other friends say I went too far and was just being petty and rude.”
“AITA for telling a friend he’s not even close to as handsome as my boyfriend?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community largely agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for clapping back at her boyfriend’s friend.
Just about everyone felt that the OP’s friend needed to be taken down a peg or two, and if he didn’t like people making derogatory remarks about his appearance, then he shouldn’t be making them about others:
“NTA for defending your BF.”
“If his friend can’t take it, he shouldn’t dish it out.”- Wonderful_Two_6710
“NTA.”
“Dude shouldn’t dish it out if he can’t take it.”- Embarrassed_Loss_584
“Friend knows he’s not as attractive and is insulting your boyfriend to try to make himself feel better.”
“You jabbed him in his sensitive spot, and it hurt.”
“You’re NTA, friend needs to work on himself instead of lashing out and bringing others down to try to boost himself.”- TheMoon_Shadow13
“NTA for defending by your boyfriend.”
“His friend is too hung up on looks and shouldn’t need to make jokes at others’ expense.”-Loud_Ad_9187
“NTA.”
“You don’t need to glaze some guy that’s actively putting your boyfriend down.”
“He’s making these ‘jokes’ because he’s insecure, that’s the end-all be-all, which is why he overreacted to your comment.”
“It was, in his mind, confirmation of his own fears and insecurities.”
“Of course you’re going to think your boyfriend is more handsome than his friend.”
“He’s your boyfriend.”
“Getting hurt over a comment like that wouldn’t make sense unless he is already insecure over his looks, and/or wants to date you himself.”- CrimsonKnight_004
“NTA.”
“And if these ‘friends’ are so insulted by you, his girlfriend, saying your boyfriend is the most handsome one in the world…then they’re really kinda sh*t.”
“He’s supposed to be their friend, but for them to be this upset over a lighthearted comparison…yikes.”- TomokataTomokato
“NTA.”
“Weird insecure behavior coming from the friend.”- IIVatican_CameosII
“The friend was being petty and can’t take a joke because they’re so insecure.”
“They needed to be checked, and you did it.”
“NTA.”- DJ_bootysweat
“NTA.”
“You’re a keeper for sure, props for sticking up for him.”- Wooden-Kiwi-9684
“NTA.”
Don’t dish what you can’t take.”
“People probably don’t ever knock him down a few pegs, but he needs it.”
“That ego is the most unattractive quality, and he shouldn’t be constantly insulting his friend (your bf).”- zombie__kittens
“NTA.”
“I love this lol – and seems like what you said rang a bit too true for the friend.”
“Insecure a**.”- caarrssoonn
“NTA.”
“That was a very mild and playful response you had.”
“He is obviously insecure, so I do feel bad for him, but not enough to overlook him being like that.”- KetohnoIcheated
“NTA.”
“Making fun of other people’s physical traits will always be gross.”
“I don’t care how close you are as friends; it’s rude.”- Silvanus350
“NTA.”
“What you said was rude and uncalled for?”
“Who was it that started the conversation that centered around making fun of someone’s appearance, again?”
“Of course you defended your boyfriend, and of course you’d think he was better looking (even if he objectively isn’t, which I’m not prepared to assume).”
“Dude opened himself up for that 100% and tbh since this is a repeating occurrence, should have known that eventually someone was going to return a shot.”
“If you can’t take someone making jabs (however minor) at your appearance, then you don’t do it to other people.”
“It’s really that simple.”
“Side note: Apparently my father was considered in the realm of ‘stupid hot’ when he was younger and still in the military.”
“His Marine buddies also used to call him ‘Eagle Beak’ because of his nose, and I’d call that an accurate description.”
“In my limited personal experience, there are definitely people who have bigger noses who just ‘pull it off’ well, and tbh probably wouldn’t look as good with a smaller one!”
“Another side note, but I don’t remember the source of this information so take it with a grain of salt: I remember reading about some kind of study at one point where they had initially meant to just dispel the ‘big feet=big penis’ myth, and had incidentally discovered that there often actually is a correlation between nose size and penis size.”
“Maybe the friend read the same thing, and is jealous of your boyfriend for an entirely different reason.”- External-Challenge93
“People who can dish it but can’t take it are some of the most tiresome people on the planet.”
“Also being that it’s your boyfriend and you’re not an unbiased observer, he shouldn’t be upset at all.”
“NTA.”- goldgoldfish
“NTA bullies.”
“When the victim stands up to them, they can’t deal with the heat.”
“What a loser.”
“NTA.”- Ok-Listen-8519
“NTA.”
“I dislike people who think it’s ok to insult other people’s appearances but can’t take it when they get it back.”
“NTA.”
“If the friend wasn’t consistently making jabs at your bf’s nose, I’d say it’s not cool to make a comment like that, but I’d be fed up too, even IF your bf doesn’t care.”
“The fact that your bf doesn’t care and is confident regardless is also something that imo makes him more handsome than the friend, and I don’t even know what either of them actually look like!”
“Also I am with you in finding unique noses more attractive; my husband has a slightly crooked nose and he’s admitted he doesn’t really like it, but to me it’s actually super hot.”- Altruistic_Ad_9821
One can’t help but wonder if it was having a drink or two in her system that led the OP to be as candid as she was.
Even so, at least she had that excuse, which it sounds like this friend doesn’t always have.
Hopefully, after this experience, he might avoid making jokes about the appearance of the OP’s boyfriend.
Or maybe just avoid the topic of physical appearance completely.