When a couple moves in together, all of their domestic chores and mundanities begin to overlap. It makes sense, as it’s usually more efficient.
And yet, that can take some getting used to.
A recent story posted to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated those growing pains.
The Original Poster (OP), known as PracticalCup7941on the site, used the post’s title to share exactly which chore stirred the pot.
“AITA for doing my GF’s laundry / violating her privacy?”
OP explained that things felt quite normal before the drama ensued.
“We’re both mid 20s and moved in together about 4 weeks ago. I had a surprise day off while my GF was at work so I thought I’d catch up on some house chores, part of which was my laundry.”
“When I got to the machine I found it was full (she forgot to hang her stuff out last night and left it in the machine) so I took out her wet clothes and hung them out to dry.”
“I then put my clothes in the machine and turned it on.”
“Some ten hours later I folded all her now dry clothes and put them on the bed and then hung my clothes out.”
OP didn’t expect what came next.
“When she got home I told her clothes were folded on her bed.”
“She was not pleased by this, saying that I’d violated her privacy by going through her clothes and that it was even a little creepy how I’d gone and touched her underwear (there were bras and underwear among her clothes).”
He didn’t agree.
“Now, such a thing had never crossed my mind as being weird or creepy.
“When I was growing up I had sisters and of their or my mums bras and such were in the laundry we just hung them out as normal and they did the same of mine or my dads stuff was in the machine. To me they’re just bits of fabric.”
Things only continued spiraling from there.
“But seeing as my GF didn’t see it that way I told her I wouldn’t do it again but if that was the case could she please make sure the washing machine is empty as soon as the cycle is done so it’s not blocking my schedule and that I’d do the same for her.”
“That further exacerbated our fight as now she said I was trying to gaslight her by shifting the blame onto her.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors took OP’s side completely. They assured him that his girlfriend’s logic was rather bizarre.
“NTA I assume you two have sex. I’m so confused why she needs to keep her bras and panties private from the man she has sex with. She is making a mountain out of a mole hill.”
“Telling her to process her laundry faster if she doesn’t want you touching her things was not at all gaslighting. It was a reasonable request given her boundaries.” — pizzamartini
“NTA. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that at some point prior to this you have had her panties on your bedroom floor before so how the fuck is she so touchy about you folding them??? She’s weird af” — TriZARAtops
‘The person you are having sex with thinks it’s creepy that you handled her undergarments? Is it creepy when you handle her genitals?” — MitmitaPepitas
“NTA. What were you supposed to do? Throw it all in a bin or just not wash your own laundry?”
“Tell her if she would prefer next time you will just put all her wet clothes in a bin for her to deal with, you were trying to be considerate.” — Ennah_Schemer
“NTA. I would have said NAH; that this was just different ideas of what is private and what is not. But she earns the AH designation for saying you’re gaslighting her. That was an unnecessary escalation that prevents you from having a real conversation.”
“You two are a team now and it needs to be You+Her versus the problem, not You vs Her. Communication is key.”
“I do want to add that your take on the laundry is much, much more common than hers. It’s more ‘normal’ for couples to do each other’s laundry than not. So it’s unfair that she’s acting like what you did was unheard of.” — ifimhereimrealbored
Others went in the total opposite direction than his girlfriend. They were impressed by his kindness.
“NTA. Most women would love for someone to actually do something nice. She sounds a bit crazy, you are living together.” — Himalayankitten
“NTA. That’s weird. She should have said ‘thank you.’ You’re her bf, not her creepy neighbor.” — jammy913
“WTF? NTA, and most people would be thrilled you helped with their chores. Also, you were not gaslighting her, you were trying to coordinate so this didn’t happen again. If she mischaracterizes your actions like this often, reconsider the relationship.” — Randomized_Tiger
And some pointed out the possible indications of bigger problems at play.
“NTA. And this is a warning sign, a pretty big red flag. If y’all are living together, the line the relationship goes on, mixing y’all’s clothes into single loads would become the norm. Y’all sleep together, do other things hopefully as well that requires one to touch the other’s under garments. You did an act of kindness.”
“For her to not only get immediately defensive about it, but to become even more so sorry you explained you meant no harm, either this girl is trying to hide something from you by her accusations, or she had vastly different culture issues that will obviously only continue to clash with your own.”
“You need to sit down with her and have a calm conversation asking about ground rules now that you live together, how everything changes by cohabitation, and what her comfort levels are. If she gets upset by this conversation, then you may want to reconsider who you are dating.”
“NTA. You sure she’s your girlfriend and not just a female roommate?”
“That is very unusual that she sees your doing her laundry as a violation of privacy. I would definitely ask her to tell you what other actions would violate her boundaries.” — FishWoman1970
Here’s hoping OP won’t have to be on egg shells while doing the many other typical household chores.