As the saying goes, accidents happen.
The only complication with that age old adage is that accidents also usually come with consequences.
Some minor, that will be easily rectified with the passage of time.
Other accidents cause pain or damage that isn't often forgiven with a simple apology.
Redditor Necessary_Public5344 recently came home to discover a valuable possession of hers was broken.
Complicating matters further, the item was broken by her girlfriend, who balked at the OP's request that she replace it.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for asking my girlfriend to pay me back after she broke my gaming headset?"
The OP explained why she found herself at odds with her girlfriend:
"So I (25 F[emale]) have a gaming headset that I use pretty much daily."
"It wasn't super high-end, but it also wasn't cheap."
"I saved up for it and it cost around $120."
"I use it for gaming, work calls, and just general stuff."
"Last week, my girlfriend (23 F) was hanging out at my apartment."
"She sat down on my desk chair without realizing the headset was on it, and when she sat, she basically crushed one of the earcups."
"It snapped the plastic part and now it doesn't sit right on my head, plus the mic doesn't work anymore."
"I wasn't mad in the moment cos accidents happen but I did say something like, 'Damn, that's broken now'."
"'I'm gonna need to get a new one'."
"She laughed it off and said, 'Well you'll get an upgrade!'"
"I kind of awkwardly asked if she'd be willing to split the cost or at least help replace it since it was her mistake."
"She immediately got defensive and said, 'Are you serious?'"
"'It was an accident'."
"'I'm not paying for that'."
"'You're being ridiculous'."
"I said I didn't think it was ridiculous, if I accidentally broke something of hers, I'd absolutely offer to replace it."
"She rolled her eyes and told me I care too much about 'stuff'."
"Since then, she's been distant, and one of our mutual friends even told me I should just let it go because 'it's not worth fighting over'."
"But it's not pocket change to me, and it just feels unfair."
"So… AITA for asking her to help pay for the headset she broke, even though it was an accident?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for expecting her girlfriend to pay for her broken headset.
Everyone agreed that even if it was an accident, replacing the OP's headset would have been the right, not to mention the mature, thing for the OP's girlfriend to do:
"NTA."
"If there is some huge backlash for a reasonable ask that is not a good sign for the relationship."
"I'd be annoyed if a friend or loved one refused to help replace what they'd destroyed."
"But for them to get upset at the ask would be even more annoying."- wisebongsmith
"NTA."
"She sat on your thing and broke it, she should have looked where she was sitting."
"Sure it was an accident, but she doesn't seem sorry that it happened at all."
"Not to imply it was on purpose or anything, but if I broke someone's headphones I'd at least offer to pay for part of it."- elrieltinuviel
"NTA."
"Even if it was an accident, I think she should absolutely help replace it."
"ESPECIALLY since (I'm inferring here) it seems like you're tight on money right now."
"I'm with you in the sense that if I broke something that belonged to someone, even if accidental, I feel like it's basic courtesy to offer to help replace it."
"I'm also just not a huge fan of how she IMMEDIATELY called you 'ridiculous' for wanting her to replace it."- Frumple-McA**
"NTA."
"I don't like how your gf 1) didn't offer to replace it on her own, like a decent person, and 2) is actually trying to make you feel shit for asking for half."
"She sucks."
"Next."- sallystruthers69
"NTA."
"Okay yes OP you could've been more careful about your items."
"But it doesn't matter who's at fault here, what matters is how both parties handled it afterwards."
"You reasonably asked gf to help replace item, fine enough."
"GF then called you ridiculous and acted dismissive after you asked a reasonable request, that's not okay."
"If gf didn't have the money, she could've at least shown some sympathy by offering alternatives like treating you to dinner, help look for a good deal, or cover part of it on her next check."
"An accident is one thing, but making your partner feel like crap just for asking a totally reasonable request is another."- AgentLizard01
"NTA."
"Just because something was an accident Doesnt mean the person who caused the accident isn't responsible for what happens."
"You were more than fair by asking her to split a replacement and not asking her to buy it all herself."- steiff89
"NTA."
"Tell your friend that told you to let it go that you will be more than happy to accept the money from them for your headphones."
"Whether you left them in the chair or not is irrelevant."
"She broke them."
"She needs to make it right."
"The fact that she was so defensive and dismissive should be a red flag."
"It sucks, but what happens down the road when something like this happens again?"
"Like you said, they weren't cheap."
"I'm guessing Turtle Beach was important to you because of your everyday usage."
"She owes you a new pair."
"Full Stop."- slap-a-frap
"NTA."
"If you search this sub by top votes, then you'll find a similar case where someone sat on a laptop that had been left on a couch and broke it."
"It eventually went to court (!) where the judge said that (a) the owner was partially responsible for leaving a laptop on a sitting-upon place, but only partially and (b) the value of the laptop was the current value to buy exactly the same model, not whatever was the latest hotness."
"However, that person was not in a relationship with the owner of the laptop."
"(Puts on judge's robe)."
"You are not owed new headphones and it's partially your fault."
"I'd say that your GF owes you 50% of whatever it would cost to buy exactly that model, used (on eBay or whatever)."
"Whether this is worth the stress it might add to the relationship is up to you."- lurgi
"NTA."
"She broke it."
"Doesn't matter if it was an accident."
"The headphones are broken, and she should replace them."- EfficiencyForsaken96
"The fact that her response is 'you care too much about stuff' when asked to replace something she broke and that YOU should let it go because 'it's not worth fighting for' are both red flags of 'I'm selfish and expect you do deal with it'."
"You are NTA but she is not a keeper."
"Seriously think about what she actually brings to the relationship and if it is worth the fact that she's cheap and selfish."
"Me personally, I would say 'if it's not worth fighting over, pay up, you cheap jerk' and then we'd break up and I'd at least not have to be dealing with them anymore."
"But that's me, and I am also single."
"This may be why."
"Ha."- The1Eileen
There were others, however, who felt the OP was partially at fault, if only because she shouldn't have left her headset in such a vulnerable place, even if they still believed the OP's girlfriend should have replaced it after breaking it:
"ESH, you shouldn't put your headset there, and she should help pay for it."- actualchristmastree
"ESH, she should probably contribute as your partner, however."
"You left your headset on a seat."
"If you leave it on a seat, it will be sat on."
"Let this be a lesson - seats are not places for expensive things."- Clean_Permit_3791
"ESH."
"If I were in your position, it's a complete accident."
"I shouldn't have left my headset on a seat for someone to sit on."
"If it was me, I wouldn't have asked her to pay for them. But that's literally just who I am."
"I don't like people 'owing' me."- aspenluv
"ESH."
"She should offer to help pay."
"You left something breakable on a chair where people sit."
"You are old enough to know better."
"Not everybody checks to see if someone left something fragile on their chair before they sit down."- revdj
"ESH."
"Don't leave things that shouldn't be sat on in places people sit."
"50/50 is what I would say is fair."- pottersquash
While a select few felt that since the OP left her headset in a place where it could easily be broken, she alone was responsible for replacing it:
"YTA."
"The lesson here is don't leave things you care about in a spot people might sit."- paintingdusk13
"Headphones don't belong on the chair, butts belong there."
"Clearly an accident, YTA."- Skeggy.
It's clear that the OP's girlfriend didn't intentionally mean to break her headset.
And it's fair enough to say that the OP should have been more careful with her belongings.
Even so, laughing off breaking an expensive piece of machinery, and then not even offering to cover the costs is hardly a compassionate thing to do.
The OP's girlfriend should consider that partners can be just as easily replaced as headsets...
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.