Everyone has their own, different comfort level when it comes to modesty.
While some remain covered at all times even in the relative privacy of a locker room, others have no trouble walking around their home wearing only their underwear, or less.
Even when company or visitors are present.
Such was the case for Redditor f4faa's girlfriend, only her logic behind justifying no apparent need to cover up in front of visitors left him feeling confused and concerned.
After his girlfriend and her friends accused him of overreacting, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole (AITA) asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my girlfriend to cover up her body when strangers enter the home?"
The OP first gave readers a brief idea of his and his girlfriend's very different upbringings.
"I am FULLY aware the title sounds sexist but hear me out, please."
"My girlfriend (GF) comes from a wealthy background and grew up with maids, chefs, chauffeurs etc."
"I was raised in a completely opposite environment and still adjusting to dating someone like her."
He then filled fellow Redditors in on his girlfriend's daily habit when they were in the (relative) privacy of their own homes.
"When we're not with her parents, we spent a lot of time at one of her apartments."
"Here's the issue: my GF likes to walk around home barely wearing anything which is fine (awesome even)."
"BUT she does this even when the 'help' are around."
"For example last month her family hired a new driver for her."
"He stopped by the apartment to introduce himself."
"She was only wearing underwear."
"Keep in mind, this is the FIRST time they've met in person."
"I felt awkward, he was visibly awkward and she didn't give a sh*t at all."
"She was casually chatting to him while a scrolling away on her phone."
"She does this all the time."
"She doesn't think she needs to wear any decent amount of clothes at all when people that work for her are around."
"She will casually walk around wearing just a thong OR a tiny crop top (just a crop top, nothing else)."
"She even does this with complete strangers!"
"One time she opened the door for the delivery guy wearing only a see through gown."
"You could see everything."
"Afterwards I talked to her about it and she was utterly confused as to why I felt uncomfortable."
"Then she laughed and told me to 'stop being a jealous baby'.
"She even said that I'm unreasonable."
The OP made another attempt to express to his girlfriend how uncomfortable doing this made him feel, and found himself very surprised by her justifications.
"We had another discussion about this yesterday and I told her that she probably wouldn't feel comfortable if I did the same."
"She said that she doesn't understand why I care what her staff think and that it never even crossed her mind that this is inappropriate."
"She told me that she only does this in the comfort of her home and not in front of 'actual people', i.e. people that don't work for her."
"She got kinda mad at me and vented to her friends."
"According to all of them, I'm 'weird' for having a problem with this and an a**hole for telling my GF to cover up."
"Somehow I'm the villain of this story."
"Am I really the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP landed in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
There was an almost unanimous agreement the OP was not the a**hole in this particular situation.
Most Redditors shared in the OP's shock and horror his girlfriend felt she could justify not having to cover up owing to the fact her staff weren't "real people".
"NTA."
"She sounds classist AF."
"If she believes being naked or semi nude in front of people is wrong (and it sounds like she does), then she doesn't believe these people are actual people."- readshannontierney
"Ugh! "
"The 'help' barely qualify as people, do they even have thoughts?!"
"Stereotypical rich people are the absolute worst."
"NTA"- Dadbot1001
"NTA this isn't really a control issue where you are trying to manage her body."
" This is an issue where she doesn't view the people working for her as actual sentient people with feelings and completely disregards how uncomfortable this might be for them." - paxparra.
"NTA."
"First of all it seems that she doesn't view the people that work for her in any capacity as actual people."
"Which is a next level of WTF."
"She also doesn't seem to see that it's grossly inappropriate to be practically naked in front of them."
"Don't get me wrong, I'm all about body positivity and I think her level of comfort she has with her own body is awesome but she should absolutely cover up a little more when there are people over."-CrystalQueen3000
Many others felt the behavior of the OP's girlfriend was an indication of a much larger problem and he needed to re-evaluate his relationship.
"NTA - but you should realize that your girlfriend does not view 'the help' as human beings so she sounds pretty entitled and terrible..."- ButteryBisquit
"Why are you with someone who thinks 'the help' aren't real people?? "
"She sounds incredibly self-centered and inconsiderate to treat people who work for her like their feelings don't matter at all."
"Adding the NTA judgment here."- yourlittlebirdie
"NTA."
"She clearly doesn't see 'the help' (ugh) as actual people with thoughts, feelings etc, and therefore things it's OK to do whatever the hell she pleases."
"However, I feel that she is unlikely to change regardless of what you say to her, because this is all she's ever known."
"So it's really up to you what you do, but what I see here is a fundamental difference of opinion."- NarrativeScorpion
There were even a number of Redditors who pointed out her behavior could possibly be deemed as sexual harassment and possibly get her in legal trouble down the line.
"NTA - when she gets sued for sexual harassment, she'll understand that she was wrong."- Greedy-Text1251.
"NTA."
"Your girlfriend is TA both for the fact that she doesn't view her employees as actual people, and for forcing them to view her almost naked when she holds a position of power over them."
"It's at best sexual harassment, at worst sexual assault."- smo_smo_smo.
Indeed, it sounds like the OP's girlfriend making him uncomfortable with her behavior could very well be the least of her problems if she keeps it up.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.