We never want to curtail people’s passions.
As if something brings someone endless amounts of joy, one of the worst things we could possibly do is tell them to stop.
That being said, sometimes we can’t help but wish some people were ever so slightly less passionate about something.
Particularly when it gets in the way of what should be basic functioning.
Redditor Particular_Bit_7728 was very happy in her relationship with her girlfriend.
Except, that is, during any car trip.
During car trips, her girlfriend had a habit that was slowly growing on the original poster (OP)’s nerves.
Wondering if it would be wrong to do something about this, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop singing in the car?”
The OP explained why she was less than enamored when her girlfriend sang in the car:
“I (20 F[emale]) have been dating my girlfriend, let’s call her Angie (21 F[emale]), for about nine months now, and I genuinely adore her.”
“She’s kind, smart, funny, and just overall a wonderful person.”
“I really do feel lucky to have her in my life.”
“That said… she loves to sing.”
“Like, all the time, but especially in the car.”
“And to be clear, she’s incredibly talented.”
“She’s done choir throughout school, she’s a musical theatre major, and she truly has an amazing voice.”
“Most of the time, I love hearing her sing and perform.”
“It’s something I admire about her, cause god knows I can’t hold a tune to save my life.”
“However, when we’re driving together, it honestly gets on my nerves.”
“I don’t mean every now and then, it’s constant.”
“For example, the other night we were driving home from a mutual friend’s place.”
“I put on some music in the background and started talking asking her about her day.”
“As soon as there was a lull in the conversation, she turned the music up and started singing.”
“I let it go for a song or two, but when I turned it back down and tried to resume the conversation, she gave me a one-word answer, turned it up, and went right back to singing.”
“This kind of thing happens all the time.”
“I try not to be overly sensitive about it, but it makes me feel like she’s not interested in talking to me.”
“I’ve brought it up a couple of times, but she usually brushes it off and tells me that it just passes the time, which it does, for her.”
“Meanwhile, I’m driving next to what feels like a brick wall.”
“Sometimes I try to sing along, but she’ll say something like ‘It’s not a duet’ in a joking way but I know she means it.”
“I really do love her, and I don’t want to make her feel like she can’t be herself around me, but I also don’t want to feel ignored every time we’re in the car together.”
“So am I the a**hole for wanting her to dial it back a bit in the car?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting her girlfriend to stop singing in the car.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s girlfriend was clearly just looking for attention, with many even finding this behavior something of a red flag, leading them to wonder how healthy the OP’s relationship was:
“‘Sometimes I try to sing along, but she’ll say something like “It’s not a duet” in a joking way, but I know she means it’.”
“This here makes you NTA 100%.”
“She isn’t singing to have fun or bring joy to the world. She just loves to hear her own voice and wants a captive audience. That’s not cool.”- rememberimapersontoo
“‘Sometimes I try to sing along, but she’ll say something like “It’s not a duet” in a joking way, but I know she means it’.”
“WOW.”
“OK, based on the title I was ready to condemn you for hating joy but she just became the a**hole in a major way, is she like this about other stuff?”
“I love to sing in the car & get sad anytime someone starts singing with me then stops again, makes me feel like I threw them off key.”
“NTA.”
“Also, this has the energy of a girl in middle school who heard me singing & asked, ‘Oh, who sings that song?’ I told her & she said ‘oh let’s keep it that way’.”
“F*ck her especially’.”– lycrashampoo
“Oh boy.”
“NTA.”
“She cuts you off when you try to sing along by using the excuse ‘it’s not a duet’?”
“A song doesn’t have to be written as a duet for people to enjoy singing together!”
“People do it all the time, whether it be on a road trip, at a concert, while cooking dinner, etc.”
“Your girlfriend seems oblivious or really self-centered.”
“I’m thinking the latter as you’ve tried to communicate your needs and concerns.”
“I’m sorry, but you two might not be compatible for the long run.”- Lorrjones
“NTA.”
“Your girlfriend is giving life to the phrase ‘she loves hearing the sound of her own voice’.”
“She sounds self-centered.”
“She needs to learn to read the room.”
“Just because she has a nice voice doesn’t mean that you or anyone else wants to hear it all the time.”
“If it’s your car, you control the radio.”
“No radio when you drive.”
“The options are silence or conversation.”
“If she reacts negatively, then she’s not such a ‘wonderful person’.”
“Please think about what you wrote.”
“’I really do feel lucky to have her in my life’.”
“I hope she feels luck to have you in her life.”
“Don’t ignore bad or rude behavior because you think a person is a great catch.”-Ok_Tonight_3703
“Total high school choir diva.”
“I should know, I was in choir and musical theater in high school and college.”
“And you got these semi-talented amateurs who make that their thing.”
“And the one thing they love the most is turning a car into a karaoke booth.”
“Especially with a captive audience.”
“Which is why it’s ‘not a duet’, because SHE is the singer here and you are the person who just sits there and ‘enjoys’ her singing.”
‘Eventually they keep doing it way too much and either get talked to about it or realize that people find them annoying instead of cool and talented and then they start singing like normal people.”
“Depending on how much of her self-esteem is wrapped up in the idea of people thinking that she is an amazing and talented car singer, calling her out on it could tank your relationship.”
“NTA.”- ClaraClassy
“‘It’s not a duet’.”
“That just about sums up your relationship.”
“You are superfluous to her.”
“Move on.”
“She doesn’t need you.”
“She is in love with herself.”
“NTA.”- ImportantOnion9937
“NTA.”
“Her ‘not a duet’ comment flips the whole situation and she is TA.”
“Have you had a conversation with her fully explaining what you said here?”- Business_Case_7613
“I am an unrepentant car-singer and I even understand the frustration of really wanting to jam a song out when someone else wants to talk (my husband is a BIG talker).”
“But still: NTA.”
“That said– I would be very specific to frame it around your feelings, not what you think she intends, wants, or means.”
“‘Sometimes when you turn on the radio and sing in the car, you feel distant and unapproachable, and that makes me sad’.”
“Or something like that.”
“Not accusatory, not assuming anything, just how you feel.”
“If your girlfriend cares about you, she’ll care how she makes you feel.”
“She might still get a little defensive to start with– don’t let her use rhetoric to back you into a corner where you have to apologize and soothe her hurt feelings.”
“It’s okay if you guys have to come back to the conversation later after she has a little time to cool off and think it through.”
“‘I’ve told you how I feel and I won’t apologize for that, but we can come back to this later when we’ve both had time to think about it more’.”
“But don’t not have this conversation.”
“You do not want to hold off until you explode and leave her wondering how you went from zero to 60 on this.”- oliviamrow
“NTA.”
“And I’m cringing at the thought of someone doing that while I’m driving, or anywhere for that matter.”
“I don’t care if it’s Barbra Streisand is sitting next to me!”- AryaStark1313
The OP’s girlfriend isn’t the only person on earth who enjoys singing in the car.
However, she seems to view singing in the car as an opportunity to perform for the OP, not just for the joy of singing
One also can’t help but wonder if she doesn’t want to share a duet with the OP, what else might she be unwilling to share down the line…