Content Warning: Anti-LGBTQ rights, Anti-Trans Rights, TERF (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist), JK Rowling
There may forever be a disconnect between knowing that a person was capable of creating such an incredible, magical, and inclusive world as Harry Potter but turned out to be as bigoted as JK Rowling.
Even years after Rowling made her radically hateful stance about Trans people known, some fans still wrestle with loving the world of Harry Potter they grew up with, and the nostalgia that gives them, while also not wanting to support someone like Rowling.
There’s such a divide, relationships and friendships have ended over it, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Substantial_Run3383 planned a trip to Universal Studios and Disney with a friend after both of them had grown up without being able to go.
But when his girlfriend found out where he was going, she immediately banned the trip despite how much money he’d already prepaid because she didn’t want the Original Poster (OP) to financially support JK Rowling and her funding of anti-Trans campaigns in any way.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my girlfriend she can’t force me to cancel my vacation and lose $2500 because she hates ‘Harry Potter’?”
The OP planned to go on a trip with their best friend to Universal and Disney.
“I (27 Male) and my girlfriend (27 Female) have been together for four years now.”
“I’ve always wanted to visit Universal Orlando to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, but I’d never been able to justify it financially.”
“My dad died recently, and I got an inheritance in his will. It’s not life-changing money, but enough to pay off my debts and have something left over. So I decided to book a trip to Universal Studios, and I was lucky enough to get tickets for their new park, Epic, as well.”
“My best friend loves ‘Star Wars,’ and so do I, so we decided we’d go together and split time between Universal Studios and Disney World because we probably wouldn’t have the chance to go again anytime soon.”
The OP’s girlfriend was okay with the plan at first.
“I told my girlfriend this upfront, and she said she was excited for us but didn’t want to go because she doesn’t support ‘Harry Potter’ because of Rowling and her views on LGBT people.”
“She was fine with it until she found out Rowling is apparently using her fortune to fund anti-Trans campaigns, and she started screaming at me about supporting Transphobia.”
“Her younger brother is Trans, so Trans Rights are extremely important to her, which makes sense.”
“Early in our relationship, we basically agreed that I could do whatever I wanted regarding ‘Harry Potter,’ but she wouldn’t join in. It’s never been a problem until now.”
The OP’s girlfriend forbade him from going on the trip, which caused problems.
“During the discussion, she told me I’m not allowed to go because it’d be supporting Rowling, which is supporting anti-Trans campaigns and not supporting her brother.”
“I said, ‘Honey, I understand what you’re saying, but if I cancel, I can’t get my money back.'”
“When I booked the trip, I booked with a trip planner, and they explicitly said that my tickets are non-refundable. I can change the dates if I need to cancel my initial trip, but I won’t be refunded if I cancel and don’t show up. My plane tickets, hotel, and park tickets are ALL non-refundable. I’ve spent about $2500 on this trip, I can’t justify wasting that kind of money, and she knows that.”
“But she says it doesn’t matter, it’s not about the money, it’s about the principle, and I’m not allowed to go.”
The OP felt conflicted about the conversation.
“I respect what she’s saying and where she’s coming from, but I’m not throwing away that kind of money.”
“And she can’t just ban me from going somewhere. I’m an adult just like she is, and I can make my own decisions.”
“I feel bad because I see both sides. On my end, I’m not willing to just lose almost three grand. On her end, she wants to support her brother.”
“I want to be considerate and respect her wishes, but that’d make me lose thousands of dollars, and I’m not sure if I’m just hung up on the money part instead of how she feels.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some sided with the girlfriend and didn’t think a fun trip was worth their conscience.
“This is more of a morals and values situation.”
“Some people don’t see a problem with supporting Rowling and Trans Rights at the same time. Others draw a hard line.”
“Your value systems are not in agreement here. By breaking up, you’re both dodging bullets.”
“You are free to do what you want. She is free to dump you for that.” – Naive-Dig-8214
“You can’t support Rowling and Trans people at the same time, any more than you can support pro-life groups and accessible abortion at the same time. For as long as JK is putting HP profit towards anti-Trans organizations, the two are mutually exclusive. You made your choice. You won’t be able to date your partner long-term.” – Ok_Student_3294
“NTA.”
“You’ve already paid a non-refundable amount, so you’re already supporting Rowling. The owners care about the money, not that one additional person walks through the gate.”
“And your girlfriend is trying to control you. Sure, she can make her displeasure known, set a boundary, or leave the relationship, but telling another adult they can’t do something is not ok. You’re not a child.” – Doggedart
“I’m Trans and I appreciate when people want to support us, but this isn’t the way. Rowling is already rich, she’ll continue to make money and be a piece of s**t with it, this guy didn’t know better I guess, and now it’s too late. Just let him have a nice day at a theme park after his dad passed.”
“Me and my sister grew up loving ‘Harry Potter,’ so it was a massive disappointment but I’m not gonna take away the joy others get from HP. My sister still loves it, and still loves me. We just try to make better purchases now, lol.” – aspiring_dog
But others said the relationship would have ended the moment their partner “banned” them from doing something.
“‘Not allowed’ to go? You are an adult, and you should not allow someone to control you.”
“She can make her argument and decide her views, but you decide on your own. NTA.” – alicat7777777
“Universal celebrates Pride Month and donates 100% profits from all ‘love is universal’ merch to LGBT organizations. They also donate money to local LGBT non-profits throughout the year and hold an annual day in honor of the Pulse nightclub victims.”
“So, she can pick and choose her battles if it’s about principles.”
“It’s also not even about just losing money, it’s losing something his dad left him… It’s not just money, it’s the last time his dad can help him make happy memories.” – radjostxx
“Warner Bros essentially ripped creative control from JK, so you’re girlfriend is an id**t. She’s basically banished from her own product because she’s a loon now.”
“If there’s something to support about ‘Harry Potter,’ it would literally be the movies.”
“I went to Disney/Universal with some alphabet (LGBTQ+) friends, and you know what we had? Memories so core we bring them up frequently years later.” – zappy487
“Does she have friends with young babies? If so, she’d best boycott Nestle for their old practices around formula. And of course, all Nestle’s child companies.”
“Oops, but beef and dairy products are animal exploitative. Isn’t the rainforest being chopped down to make space for more animal grazing? Best to boycott the fast foods.”
“I get she’s concerned about her sibling, but OP has already spent the money. It’s already there, helping line JR’s pocket. Cancelling won’t undo it. It’ll just make OP a bit poorer and a lot more resentful.”
“Also, she can’t go around telling a grown adult what they can and cannot do, especially her boyfriend. That’s controlling, manipulative, and could slip into abuse, which I assume she’s against.” – ExpertProfessional9
“Good to have morals. Good to stand for something. But it’s basically impossible to avoid giving money to people who won’t use it for evil. To pick and choose a villain of the week without acknowledging that you yourself are a hypocrite is dumb.”
“Draw your line in the sand, but don’t expect others to have to draw the same one or tell them they can, can’t, have to, won’t.” – _byrnes_
“You’re not ‘allowed’? That’s a hard nope for me. Enjoy your trip. Find a new girlfriend.” – Only_Music_2640
The subReddit could appreciate the OP’s girlfriend’s passion, but demanding that the OP not go and waste the money that his father left him was not the choice option for most of the Redditors.
A few were expressly against supporting JK Rowling by supporting anything Harry Potter-related, but most knew that she already had so much money, and one more person attending Universal might not change anything.