Co-parenting isn’t always easy.
There are so many days and holidays to figure out custody.
And it’s always going to overlap because, of course, it’s going to overlap.
So, how do parents make it work without drama?
Redditor Apprehensive-Virus43 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for attending my kid’s birthday party with my ex-wife (co-parenting)?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (36 M[ale]) have 2 kids with my ex-wife.”
“The kids are 8 and 5 years of age.”
“We divorced over 2 years ago and have been in a co-parenting situation ever since.”
“There is no significant conflict between my ex-wife and me, and there has never been one, apart from the occasional disagreements about the shared bank account for the kids.”
“No big deal, just small issues.”
“The only contact I have with my ex is whenever something has to be arranged for the kids or when we have to keep each other informed, like school stuff, doctors’ appointments, etc.”
“So my son’s birthday is coming up, and he wants to throw a party for his 6 closest friends from school and his little sister.”
“So 8 kids in total.”
“The day of the party, he will be at his mom’s house, so she arranged it all.”
“He wants to go to a big playground, something about 20km (12.5 miles), away from home.”
“My son came up to me and asked if I would attend his party and drive half of his friends to the playground and be there when he celebrates his birthday with his friends. “
“I said ‘Yes’ because I feel like I can’t say no to this request.”
“My G[irl]F[riend] is mad at me for going to my son’s birthday party.”
“She doesn’t understand why I have to be there.”
“My son will be playing with his friends, leaving me with his mother to sit and wait.”
“According to her, we will be giving off ‘happy family vibes, ‘ which hurt her feelings.”
“She says I’m loyal to my ex, and I should have my priorities with her.”
“I tried to explain I’m there for my son, but also for myself.”
“I want to be the kind of father who is part of my kids’ memories.”
“I don’t want to be the father who was never there because I let my dislike for my kids ‘ mother prevail.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for attending my son his birthday party while my girlfriend doesn’t want me to go?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – But your GF is, and this should be a red flag as bright as a neon sign.”
“She doesn’t like your kids, she likely wants you to not be part of their lives because it ‘makes her upset’ somehow.” ~ Waskomsause
“NTA. I don’t know how long you have had a relationship with your girlfriend, but she clearly doesn’t understand that dating a dad means his kids will be a priority.”
“I’d suggest you find someone who does.” ~introspectiveliar
“This is a woman who is too immature to date a man with children.”
“She should be ecstatic that you have a good coparenting relationship with your ex, so there is no drama.”
“Honestly, it speaks volumes about your character that you both get along.”
“Please drop this GF and continue to put your children first.”
“It will save your children years of therapy in the future so they don’t have to figure out why daddy was never there for them and chose his gf over them.” ~ FlyFlirtyandFifty
“NTA, your girlfriend is a problem that will only get worse.” ~ Primary-Delivery737
“NTA… and either your girlfriend is emotionally immature or has a very cold heart.”
“Maybe ask yourself, if she’s this self-centered and so uncaring about your son’s wellbeing, do you see a future with her?” ~ iheartwords
“This. OP, your girlfriend is behaving like an immature child.”
“The ONLY person whose feelings matter here are those of your son.”
“Your girlfriend’s feelings genuinely do not matter.”
The fact that she is turning a small child’s birthday party into a place to create drama should hopefully reveal her red flags to you.”
“Please do yourself a favor and walk away before she damages your health, co-parenting relationships, and your relationship with your child.” ~ Organic-Willow2835
“This right here, absolutely NTAH!”
“It’s YOUR son’s birthday and he wants his dad there.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Your girlfriend knew you had a child when she got with you, and if she’s going to be jealous of your ex, then that’s her problem, and she needs to grow up!”
“Go to his party and be the father you want to be.”
“He will remember that even though you and his mom aren’t together, you still love him and will always be there for him.”
“That’s more important than your girlfriend’s jealousy.”
“She needs to realize that just because you’re no longer married to your ex, she will always be a part of your life because you have a child together.”
“She knew what she was getting into when she got with you.” ~ CeejayMyers
“NTA and only a butthole would ask her boyfriend to avoid his son on his birthday to preserve her feelings.”
“She is number 2 in your life and will continue to be until your son no longer needs your protection and guidance.”
“If she doesn’t like it, tell her not to date people with children.” ~ Califefe
“NTA. Your first priority should be your children, full stop.”
“If she can’t handle that, she shouldn’t be dating a man with children.”
“I don’t even want to imagine how she treats your kids, if she’s met them at this point.”
“If she (hopefully) hasn’t, you still have room to dump this immature brat before she hurts your kids.”
“You know what needs to happen, or you wouldn’t be here.”
“Any woman who wants you to abandon your child ON HIS BIRTHDAY is a lousy human being.”
“Bye, Felicia.” ~ megggie
“NTA. But how new is this relationship?”
“If your girlfriend is brand new and already playing these games, then I’d send her on her way.”
“She needs to realise your son comes as part of your package and that will involve interacting with your ex at times.” ~ ColdstreamCapple
“I am dating a dad, and it’s really hard.”
“I don’t have kid, so sometimes it’s really hard to not be a priority or if he has to cancel last minute, BUT it’s something I love about my partner, that he is such an engaged and involved dad.”
“I wouldn’t want to be with the type of man who isn’t a major part of his children’s lives.”
“She is not the right person for you.” ~ MissELH
“NTA. Your girlfriend is immature and does not possess the emotional intelligence to become a possible step-parent.” ~ Doglover_7675
“NTA… that girlfriend needs to lose her jealous streak.”
“Or you need to lose her.”
“In time, you may be able to include her as well, but for now, stay being a great dad!” ~ Velma88
“NTA. Your girlfriend is showing her ugly ‘step’ parent side, and you need to pay attention.”
“If she thinks any event/activity with your ex is worth skipping, even though it’s about your kids, this is going to cause massive headaches forever.”
“She will never understand that your children are and should be your priority and that yes, that means being around your ex and communicating with her.”
“Don’t let her get between you and your kids.” ~ Impossible_Smile4113
“NTA. Of course, you are going to your child’s birthday party and helping out to the best of your abilities.”
“Your (hopefully soon not) girlfriend needs to understand that your children’s needs come before hers.’
“She also needs to realize that kids’ parties are for KIDS.’
“Adults get to keep track of the kids/catering/event.”
“It’s not a date. Sheesh.” ~ CraZKatLayD
“NTA. I think your girlfriend needs to get with the program or avoid dating men who have children because, at the end of the day, the children will come first.”
“She shouldn’t be trying to keep you from your son’s birthday when he clearly wants you there.”
“If she’s acting like this now, imagine what she will be like as your relationship progresses.”
“If she becomes a (soon-to-be evil) stepmom, you both have children, and so much more.”
“She’s probably going to push you to toss your kids to the side.” ~ saltyandsweet50
“NTA, but your girlfriend is giving off so many red flags that she could supply a color guard parade in Moscow.”
“Your children obviously come first to you, which is exactly right.”
“She wants to come first to you, but without your children in the picture.”
“You are going to have to make a big decision soon, and she’s going to force your hand.”
“Choose wisely.” ~ LadyHavoc97
“NTA. NTA. NTA.”
“Your children come first and foremost.”
‘She obviously knew you had kids from the start and is already doing the ugly stepmother thing.”
“You deserve a girlfriend who’s not jealous of your ex and your children, and your children deserve someone who will love them as their own.” ~ SassMama_94
“NTA. Your GF isn’t mature enough for this type of relationship.”
“You are there for your son.”
“Even though you’re ex-wife is your ex, she is still the mother of your child.”
“She’s not going anywhere, and there’s no avoiding her at times like this.” ~ lboogie757
“NTA. Your children DESERVE a happy family, whether you and their mother are romantically involved or not.”
“The fact that your girlfriend is trying to convince you otherwise is not a good look.” ~ roseannjam
Reddit has your back, OP.
This is your son’s big day.
You have every right to be there.
Your GF needs to come to terms with a few things.