Quite hearteningly, those who appreciate art and hand-made crafts have become increasingly vocal about their desire to see artists in all their various mediums be fairly compensated.
But the artists themselves sometimes struggle with charging what they and their work are worth, admitted the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor lurkingrigatoni regularly received commission requests from a friend who they knew would be a difficult customer.
When the friend balked at their prices when they finally shared them, the Original Poster (OP) felt guilty for asking for so much.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for quoting my friend an exorbitant price?"
The OP enjoyed crocheting as a hobby.
"I crochet as a hobby. I started doing it about six or seven years ago to help cope with my anxiety."
"Over time I've become pretty good at it and have done a few commissions for small things. I recently opened my own website where I post my patterns and tips for free."
"Sometimes I'll sell something on there I made that I wouldn't keep or give away but in general, I don't actively sell my stuff."
A friend was very interested in commissioning work from the OP.
"I have a friend, 'Lynn,' who is always asking me to make her stuff."
"I've made her a scarf and hat set, and I gifted her a baby blanket for her rainbow baby, all of which have been free."
"She asks me to make my more complicated stuff for her like cardigans, large Amigurumi toys (I am not an Amigurumi person), and complex blankets, which I always say no to, because as much as I love Lynn, she is very demanding and I do this for fun."
"I enjoyed giving her gifts, but I don't like feeling obligated. It takes me a while to finish complex things and I know she wouldn't be ok with waiting for more than like a week."
The OP tried to deter Lynn's interests with high prices.
"Recently I posted pictures of a patchwork cardigan I made, and Lynn texted me, asking me to make one for her."
"I said no because it took me a month to finish, and I had other things I wanted to make."
"She asked if she paid for it, would I make it for her."
"I told her that based on the cost of materials and an hourly wage for skilled labor, it would cost $400."
"She said that was ridiculous and there was no way that cardigan would be worth $400."
"I told her I agree but that's why I usually don't take commissions and would rather give away stuff I make."
"She told me I was being greedy."
"Realistically if I took a commission for this cardigan, I'd charge like $75 (3x cost of materials) and give a two-month timeline, but I wanted to deter her from asking again."
"AITA for quoting her such a high price?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn't think the OP charged that high of a price at all.
"OP, you may think $400 is unreasonably expensive. But it is not."
"There is a reason why hand-made goods cost so much more than mass-produced machine-made goods. It's the labor cost. Don't sell yourself short."
"Carry on gifting as you like. But don't underprice if you actually accept a commission."
"NTA." - Emotional-Ebb8321
"NTA... I don't crochet but I am a career blacksmith (28 years in the trade self-taught starting a 9 years old) and I can tell you without any doubt at all that:"
"1. The vast majority of people have no concept of handmade work the time, investment, and dedication it takes to learn has value, and we live in a world of cheap mass production, not quality handmade skilled labor."
"2. You are too cheap. Don't ever feel bad for charging a fair value for your work. $400 for a handmade item that takes a month to make is quite literally too cheap, it should be double that."
"3. You are keeping an old skill alive, and a time will come when such a skill will nearly die out with just a few people left in the world doing it as has happened to so incredibly many skills."
"Be proud of what you have learned and never EVER feel bad about charging accordingly."
"I used to be like you, not seeing the value in my work, and to this day, I still deal with the 'Walmart crowd' with the mindset of, 'I can get it at Walmart for $20 so that's what you should charge!' Pity those people and send them on their merry way because if they don't value your work, they won't ever value YOU." - SnooPineapples6778
"I have a small fiber arts business and everything I make is completely handmade. I can only imagine how long the cardigan took to make and most people sell them for $400+, from what I've seen."
"I don't charge by the hour, but definitely more than $20 dollars for an item. People really don't understand how much time and effort go into making art." - screechingraspberry
"Handcrafted objects are very undervalued by those who cannot create them. I think a PIMA penalty should be added to the price for anyone trying to ask for a lower price."
"PIMA is for 'Pain in My A**.'" - Katmom_
"My mom is a 'full-time' potter now that she's retired from teaching elementary school art and constantly feels like she's overcharging for her wares."
"If anyone knows anything about hand-thrown pottery, they know that it can take months to complete a piece. Wedging, throwing, trimming, first firing, glazing, decorating, second firing, etc."
"Add to that you have to make enough items to fill the kiln to make it worth a firing."
"That's just the physical labor... don't forget the YEARS of practice/technical knowledge/space it takes to make a good pot and the cost of supplies."
"$45 for a fully decorated mug with a hand-built possum on the handle is a steal IMO (in my opinion)." - yramha
"I knit for my own sake of therapy, and as an heirloom, I am making my soon-to-be niece-in-law a full-size afghan, using a braided cable pattern. The materials alone cost me over $400 and I've spent since Thanksgiving working on it."
"If I put a price on it based on what I make per hour at work, the afghan would cost over $1600.00."
"OP should only do the things they want to do, when they want to, for whom they want to!"
"Even when I make scarves and hats to donate to the homeless shelters, it's because I want to, and know they will be appreciated."
"OP's 'friend' sounds like she wouldn't appreciate any of the time, labor, and love that goes into those projects." - Plastic-Ad-5171
Others agreed and said the OP should be fairly compensated.
"One of the best things I ever heard and learned was, 'You're not paying me for my hours or materials; you're paying me for the years I took developing these skills.'" - Adrock_4the_Win
"I have an ongoing argument with my farrier about this. He says, 'It only took me five minutes and I was on the yard anyway. No charge.'"
"But I say, 'It only took you five minutes because you've spent years developing your skills. Take some money.'"
"I've resorted to hiding money in his truck when he isn't looking." - Financial-Astronomer
"My favorite little quip I ever heard from a skilled craftsman was, 'It's not too expensive, you just can't afford it.'"
"This is the counter to the Walmart crowd. Yes, you can buy cardigans real cheap. Probably whatever you might make as a blacksmith, too."
"But an expertly handcrafted version of that thing holds way more value. Maybe it's a little brash, but so is telling you that your thing isn't worth your price." - Gamebugio
"I cross-stitch and crochet, and the group of people I will do either for at this point is vanishingly small."
"Niblings get a single blanket when I get to it and other than that, I make things for my wife and my best friend, and that's it."
"It took me too many years of making things for people to see how undervalued I was and the projects were. Setting that boundary with the crochet and cross-stitch actually helped me set a lot of other necessary boundaries with folks who have been happy to take and take and take." - _daikon
"There's a reason I won't do a cross-stitch project for someone. It's very tedious, time-consuming work. Plus the added eye strain."
"I have done a piece or two or a few for my best friend and my mother. I spent around three months on the last one. Swore I'd never do one of those as a present again. An hour a day for 12 weeks was no small commitment."
"I say here's a needle and floss, you try it. Never undervalue your work." - Ok_Seaworthiness7314
While the OP felt conflicted about giving their friend such a high price, as well as the friend's reaction to it, the subReddit did not agree.
Rather, they felt the OP needed to better value their own crafting skills, as well as their time.
Also, if working on a cardigan would take a month to complete, $400 doesn't seem like that much money at all.















Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.