It's understandable for spouses to hope they'll support one another.
Be it in their work, or just their everyday life, sometimes all anyone ever wants is one little bit of support.
Something Redditor Admirable_Brother983 expected from his wife, but which she did not feel as if she received sufficiently in return.
Concerned about his behavior, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for pressuring my wife to go to my company Christmas parties and calling her selfish for refusing?"
The OP first filled readers in on his work situation, as well as his wife's views on the company he works for.
"I work in a job where socializing and networking is very important."
"I make good money as of right now, but have a lot of ambition to rise higher at my current company."
"My wife stays home with our two children (2 M[ale] and 4 M[ale[)."
"The company is owned by 'Eva' who my wife really struggles to be around."
"Eva inherited the company from her dad and is very princessy and spoiled, and I get why my wife doesn't like her."
"I actually do like her, but it is an acquired taste."
"The other woman my wife doesn't like is 'Claire' the CEO's wife."
"Due to my position she had to entertain Claire a couple times over the summer and hated it."
"She said she is annoying, spoiled, and 'setting women back'."
"We also had to attend Eva's birthday party a couple months ago, and my wife told me after the fact how uncomfortable it made her."
"She feels like it is a fashion show and she can't compete with the other women and she feels like Eva and Claire are laughing at her, but does not have specific examples."
"Honestly Eva is gorgeous."
"Claire is not really my type, but I hear men around the office drooling over her."
"I don't know if my wife feels insecure, so I try to booster her confidence."
"She feels that Eva doesn't like her and that she doesn't fit in with the other wives, but again doesn't have any examples."
When it came time for the OP's company Christmas party, his wife was less than eager to attend, and left the party having a less than wonderful time.
"Saturday was the company Christmas party and she really didn't want to go due to not having a cocktail dress, but I told her how important it was."
"When we got there she whispered to me that Eva looked like a whore, so I knew that it wasn't going to be a great night."
"When we left the party, i could tell that my wife was fuming."
"She said that Eva made a joke about her being vanilla in bed."
"I believe her because Eva blurts out some weird sh*t."
"Honestly I think Eva got that from the guys at work but obviously she should not have said that."
"She also said that Claire 'mom shamed' her for not having a nanny and implied we should prioritize date night over our kids."
"She admitted that she didn't think Claire meant that maliciously and they were just talking about life."
"I know Claire's husband pretty well and he is pretty old fashioned about his wife comes way before his children, not really our thing, but I don't think Claire was trying to be mean."
"I validated that Eva and Claire should be more careful about what they say and thanked my wife for sucking it up for the night."
"She said that was the last work social event she would be attending."
"I said I know she hates them, but it is very important to my career."
"The people at the executive level all have spouses who fit in well and socialize."
"She said she didn't care and she would no longer be making herself uncomfortable."
"I ended up snapping at her that she was being selfish and somewhat childish."
"I know it isn't fun, but lots of things in life aren't fun and this is the nature of my job."
"She was very upset and said I was invalidating her feelings, though i don't see it that way because I agreed that neither of them should have said what they said."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors had little to no sympathy with the OP after reading his story, fairly firmly declaring him the a**hole in this situation.
Many called out the OP for being aware of the inappropriate behavior of his colleagues, and how uncomfortable it clearly made his wife, but doing and saying nothing about it.
"YTA."
"'Honestly I think Eva got that from the guys at work but obviously she should not have said that.'"
"So you're talking to the guys at work about your sex life with your wife?"
"And they took that gossip to the boss who then tried to shame your wife about it at a social event?"
"You're lucky your wife isn't way, way more angry with you."
"I'd never want to go back to another company event either if I were here."- meghanmagpie.
"YTA."
"You are the one being selfish."
"You are bullying your wife into situations that make her uncomfortable so you can force her to socialize with people who are rude to her to try to get ahead at work."
"Agreeing that your coworkers were rude is completely meaningless when you follow up by calling her names for not wanting to be forced to socialize with them anymore."
"Also, why in the absolute f*ck would the owner of your company be hearing details about your wife's sexual preferences from random men you work with?"- SpectacularTurtle
"Hmmm, let's see."
"Husband forces wife to go to party she did not want to go to, wife gets insulted by people at party, husband calls wife selfish."
"Take a wild guess Sherlock who the a**hole is."
"YTA"- eventhorizon130.I
"NFO: Say your wife worked outside the home and had a boss she thinks is super hot - and he's rude to you and says hateful catty things every time you're around."
"Would YOU want to go to his party?"
"The answer is no."
"YTA."-The_Curvy_Unicorn.
"Yes YTA."
"Eva made a comment about your wife that is inappropriate af and is HR report worthy."
"Unfortunately she owns the company so nothing will happen if you report her."
"How can you justify subjecting your wife to that type of harassment?"
"Is this even a real post?"- Pagesofdreams112
Indeed, it seems the OP needs a fairly serious re-evaluation of his priorities, seeing as his wife's feelings come in a distant second to his work.
Here's hoping he's able to do so before putting his marriage even further in jeopardy.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.