It’s understandable for spouses to hope they’ll support one another.
Be it in their work, or just their everyday life, sometimes all anyone ever wants is one little bit of support.
Something Redditor Admirable_Brother983 expected from his wife, but which she did not feel as if she received sufficiently in return.
Concerned about his behavior, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for pressuring my wife to go to my company Christmas parties and calling her selfish for refusing?”
The OP first filled readers in on his work situation, as well as his wife’s views on the company he works for.
“I work in a job where socializing and networking is very important.”
“I make good money as of right now, but have a lot of ambition to rise higher at my current company.”
“My wife stays home with our two children (2 M[ale] and 4 M[ale[).”
“The company is owned by ‘Eva’ who my wife really struggles to be around.”
“Eva inherited the company from her dad and is very princessy and spoiled, and I get why my wife doesn’t like her.”
“I actually do like her, but it is an acquired taste.”
“The other woman my wife doesn’t like is ‘Claire’ the CEO’s wife.”
“Due to my position she had to entertain Claire a couple times over the summer and hated it.”
“She said she is annoying, spoiled, and ‘setting women back’.”
“We also had to attend Eva’s birthday party a couple months ago, and my wife told me after the fact how uncomfortable it made her.”
“She feels like it is a fashion show and she can’t compete with the other women and she feels like Eva and Claire are laughing at her, but does not have specific examples.”
“Honestly Eva is gorgeous.”
“Claire is not really my type, but I hear men around the office drooling over her.”
“I don’t know if my wife feels insecure, so I try to booster her confidence.”
“She feels that Eva doesn’t like her and that she doesn’t fit in with the other wives, but again doesn’t have any examples.”
When it came time for the OP’s company Christmas party, his wife was less than eager to attend, and left the party having a less than wonderful time.
“Saturday was the company Christmas party and she really didn’t want to go due to not having a cocktail dress, but I told her how important it was.”
“When we got there she whispered to me that Eva looked like a whore, so I knew that it wasn’t going to be a great night.”
“When we left the party, i could tell that my wife was fuming.”
“She said that Eva made a joke about her being vanilla in bed.”
“I believe her because Eva blurts out some weird sh*t.”
“Honestly I think Eva got that from the guys at work but obviously she should not have said that.”
“She also said that Claire ‘mom shamed’ her for not having a nanny and implied we should prioritize date night over our kids.”
“She admitted that she didn’t think Claire meant that maliciously and they were just talking about life.”
“I know Claire’s husband pretty well and he is pretty old fashioned about his wife comes way before his children, not really our thing, but I don’t think Claire was trying to be mean.”
“I validated that Eva and Claire should be more careful about what they say and thanked my wife for sucking it up for the night.”
“She said that was the last work social event she would be attending.”
“I said I know she hates them, but it is very important to my career.”
“The people at the executive level all have spouses who fit in well and socialize.”
“She said she didn’t care and she would no longer be making herself uncomfortable.”
“I ended up snapping at her that she was being selfish and somewhat childish.”
“I know it isn’t fun, but lots of things in life aren’t fun and this is the nature of my job.”
“She was very upset and said I was invalidating her feelings, though i don’t see it that way because I agreed that neither of them should have said what they said.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors had little to no sympathy with the OP after reading his story, fairly firmly declaring him the a**hole in this situation.
Many called out the OP for being aware of the inappropriate behavior of his colleagues, and how uncomfortable it clearly made his wife, but doing and saying nothing about it.
“‘Honestly I think Eva got that from the guys at work but obviously she should not have said that.'”
“So you’re talking to the guys at work about your sex life with your wife?”
“And they took that gossip to the boss who then tried to shame your wife about it at a social event?”
“You’re lucky your wife isn’t way, way more angry with you.”
“I’d never want to go back to another company event either if I were here.”- meghanmagpie.
“You are the one being selfish.”
“You are bullying your wife into situations that make her uncomfortable so you can force her to socialize with people who are rude to her to try to get ahead at work.”
“Agreeing that your coworkers were rude is completely meaningless when you follow up by calling her names for not wanting to be forced to socialize with them anymore.”
“Also, why in the absolute f*ck would the owner of your company be hearing details about your wife’s sexual preferences from random men you work with?”- SpectacularTurtle
“Hmmm, let’s see.”
“Husband forces wife to go to party she did not want to go to, wife gets insulted by people at party, husband calls wife selfish.”
“Take a wild guess Sherlock who the a**hole is.”
“NFO: Say your wife worked outside the home and had a boss she thinks is super hot – and he’s rude to you and says hateful catty things every time you’re around.”
“Would YOU want to go to his party?”
“The answer is no.”
“Eva made a comment about your wife that is inappropriate af and is HR report worthy.”
“Unfortunately she owns the company so nothing will happen if you report her.”
“How can you justify subjecting your wife to that type of harassment?”
“Is this even a real post?”- Pagesofdreams112
Indeed, it seems the OP needs a fairly serious re-evaluation of his priorities, seeing as his wife’s feelings come in a distant second to his work.
Here’s hoping he’s able to do so before putting his marriage even further in jeopardy.