Woman Insists Husband Support Her Taylor Swift 'Obsession' And Stop Referring To It As A 'Cult'

Content Warning: Addiction, Obsession, Escapism, Mental Health

When it comes to Taylor Swift, people seem to firmly stand in one of two camps: some love her and her music and call themselves a 'Swiftie' of varying of fandom intensity, and others intensely dislike her, often more so because of the 'Swifties' and Swift's relationship history rather than her musical stylings.

With a divisive musician like her, it's hard to imagine a couple being firmly positioned in opposite camps and having that relationship work, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Johnnyswritesstuff had become increasingly fed up with his wife in the past year, as her interest in Taylor Swift graduated from enjoying her music to calling herself a 'Swiftie' to being obsessed with Taylor Swift to the point of referring to the musician as a 'lifestyle.'

When the pair could not come up with a compromise they were both willing to stick to, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure what else he could do.

He asked the sub:

"Am I the a**hole because I don't emotionally support my wife's obsession with Taylor Swift?"

The OP's wife was a ride-or-die Taylor Swift 'Swiftie.'

"My wife is fully obsessed with Taylor Swift. For the last year or more, that's all she listens to. Every Taylor Swift album is on one continuous loop when she's working out or even just walking around the house doing stuff."

"She spent 2,000 dollars to go see her recently at the Eras Tour. She probably spent another 200 dollars, if not more, on merch. She filmed the show on her phone and regularly puts it on the TV and just watches it for hours."

"She will also watch the livestreams of her performances on TikTok or whatever streaming platform those are on. She is now going to go see the concert movie."

"I mean, it has been non-stop Taylor Swift in our house for a long time now."

"She continually refers to the live concert as 'the best experience of her life,' and she says Taylor Swift is a 'lifestyle.'"

The OP didn't get his wife's obsession and stopped trying to hide his feelings about it.

"I personally don't really get it. I have never been obsessed with anything to that point."

"I love soccer and would love to watch Messi play, but I can't bring myself to spend 900 dollars for a ticket to his upcoming match, it's just too much."

"I am also really passionate about things my wife has no interest in, but I am also not looking for her emotional support with those, those are just things that are important to me and will remain important to me regardless."

"I have for sure made comments to my wife implying that this whole Taylor Swift thing is getting out of hand."

"I also was not super stoked that she was spending that much on one ticket to go see one concert, but ultimately it was what she really wanted and we had the money, so I said yes, and I am happy that she got to go."

The OP's wife lashed out at him for not being more supportive of her lifestyle.

"Recently she blew up on me about how I don't support her as much as she thinks I should with her Taylor Swift lifestyle."

"She cites comments I make implying it's a cult and the only one winning here is Taylor Swift raking in the dough, and maybe it's time to focus on other things."

"She wants me to stop making comments like that and stop rolling my eyes and be supportive of her and her interests."

"From my perspective, it's really taking over her life and that just can't be healthy to obsess over something like that. People need balance."

"I also thought one of the benefits of marriage was to have someone tell you this kind of stuff and it shouldn't be an argument?"

"So, am I the wrong one here? If so, what can I do about this situation to make things right?

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some agreed with the OP's wife and said her interests weren't hurting the OP.

"Here was the real problem in this post... No one should feel like they're weird for what they love."

"As much as many socially adjusted people may feel like it's odd, plenty of people are obsessed to this level with their favorite celebrities."

"I don't tell my boyfriend he's childish or dumb or weird for wanting to buy little Hot Wheels and adjustable figurines and stuff... I 'let' him because the smile I see when he puts one on display in our house is more than enough for me! I also don't want him to feel like he can't be himself in his hobbies and interests even though I don't have pretty much any interest in most of his."

"Emotionally supporting your significant other's hobbies, OP, doesn't mean you have to be passionate about it. She just wants to feel accepted by her partner."

"Have you tried doing things with her that don't involve the idea of music and celebrities? Maybe doing some physical activity like rock climbing or going on walks together at a park? Have you tried to introduce her to new hobbies, or are you just telling her to find a hobby instead?"

"Taylor Swift IS her hobby and it might be for some time longer. This is the culture that our society has created, like it or not!"

"Here's a light YTA because you could be more considerate of her feelings." - wcfldunkingrl

"YTA. Let people enjoy things. You don't have to appreciate it or understand it, but why does it bother you that she gets so much out of it? You said you two could afford it, so a couple thousand dollars isn't going to break the bank." - pavilionaire2022

"I was on your side until I read, 'She wants me to stop making comments like that and stop rolling my eyes.'"

"You don't have to love it, but if you actively s**t on something she loves, then definitely YTA."

"It's really crappy when your significant other rolls their eyes and craps on something you love. When she says she wants you to support her, what she's really saying is to not make her feel bad about what she loves. It's really not that hard." - bonjourcoley

"YTA. It feels like you really buried the lede here and all the commenters haven't bothered to notice because they're anxious to bash your wife for enjoying something they don't enjoy themselves."

"You make comments about it being a cult, roll your eyes at her, and tell her she should stop engaging in something she enjoys. That makes you an absolute AH. You don't have to become a Swiftie, but you could at the VERY least stop s**tting all over something your wife clearly loves."

"This isn't about 'balance.' Your wife doesn't need a counterpoint or for you to play devil's advocate over something harmless she enjoys." - Jilltro

"My wife is very similar in her obsession with Taylor. As long as it doesn't impact her life to the point where it causes problems for her as a mother or her work, I don't see the issue."

"Your post didn't really highlight what problems your wife's Taylor obsession is causing. She listens to her music a lot and went to an expensive concert and mentions how much she likes Taylor and/or the concert. Okay? What else? There must be something else that is causing you to say it is getting out of hand."

"Because if that's all it is and you're just over there making unnecessary negative comments about your wife's favorite musician, then YTA."

"You don't have to like the music. You don't have to go out of your way to 'support' her Taylor Swift lifestyle (whatever that is, you haven't explained). But you also don't have to make d**k comments about it being a cult or telling her how to live her life. What makes you think you have the right to tell her what music to listen to or when she likes something too much? It would be one thing if her work was suffering or if she was ignoring her kids or something."

"Imagine someone going up to you and telling you that you're listening to one musician or band too much. Would y'all really think that is reasonable? Sounds controlling and patronizing to me." - ImKindaBoring

But others agreed with the OP that this was definitely obsession territory.

"Taylor Swift fans are some of the most parasocial fans. She has managed to foster this sense that she truly cares about her fans, which in reality outside of the attention she can gain from them or the money, does she truly care? And I'm saying that even though I'm a 'Swiftie' and have been for years."

"The reality is, she has moved past being a fan and gone on to 'fanatic' and it's really sad that it's being accepted as something that is positive or a personality trait for people."

"I mean, Taylor's fans have literally been attacking her current boyfriend's ex-girlfriends on social media, saying just horrible things, and the parasocial relationship she has fostered has definitely fueled that. And from what I have seen, she has done absolutely nothing to stop it."

"NTA. And as a fellow 'Swifite,' she needs to get a grip on a reality that doesn't have Taylor Swift as her whole personality." - WhimsicalMarie

"I have a lot of interests that I obsess over. One, for instance, is Warhammer 40K; I love playing it, talking about strategy, lore, etc., and I'll even talk about it to friends who aren't really into it. The difference is that I don't obsess over it 24/7 or force people to be around it all the time."

"Some of your comments may be excessive and rude, but it does sound kinda annoying to be around constantly, especially when she claims that it's a 'lifestyle.'"

"There is a difference between having an interest or hobby and being so obsessed with it that it's your life 24/7. NTA." - Accomplished_Blood17

"I always feel bad for people who make an artist their whole personality. It shows literally zero originality and is obsessive and overall sad."

"She needs to find new hobbies and explore and learn things about herself versus latching onto someone else and what makes them special."

"All I have to say is you have wayyyy more patience than I do. Your wife would drive me crazy and it would be such a turn-off. There's zero way I'd be with someone that obsessed with ANY one thing or person."

"I wish I had some helpful advice for you, but apart from leaving her, I think you'll just need to ride it out until she finds something new to latch onto. That or take her to therapy so she can figure out WHY she'd make another person her whole personality and see how unhealthy that is."

"NTA." - MainEgg320

"Yeah, the girlfriend seems to be treating this as a sort of 'condition' that needs to be accepted and supported. Except, we're talking about being a fan of a musician here."

"What 'support' is she looking for, exactly? OP was cool with her blowing two grand on a concert ticket, how is that not supportive? I love music too, but I'd never spend that kind of money on a ticket."

"I think it's perfectly reasonable that OP doesn't want Taylor Swift to dominate his life. NTA." - SoulRebel726

"I want to say NTA, but I honestly think we need more info to decide."

"Sure, the wife may be over obsessing, but the way this is written gives me the vibes that he's judging her likes and hobbies, and ridiculing her for something she cares about and is passionate about."

"If my significant other cared about something this much, no matter how odd I think it is, I'd love to see their passion and I would want to be there to see them talk about how much this thing makes them happy."

"I wouldn't be rolling my eyes, judging them, or dismissing them, like OP seems to be doing here. I think he needs to step back and stop focusing on what his wife is passionate about and instead focus on the passion itself. Therapy definitely seems like the best course here." - invudontseeme

Some said ESH because they felt it was more important to address the wife's escapism.

"I feel like while OP is NTA there is a deeper conversation he needs to have with her. I know women who have been fans of Tswift her whole career and are not like this, this sudden attachment and obsession with her is probably a sign of a bigger thing."

"I also feel like this jab at him is social media-driven. I've seen a lot of couple bloggers talk about "turning their husband into a swiftie" and him going to the concert and turning up, etc."

"There's probably some jealousy and resentment there, lol (laughing out loud)."

"Hope they can have a fruitful and honest convo about it, but she has to be honest with herself." - mongoosedog12

"It's not a hobby, it's an obsession. You can't have a relationship with someone who cares more about Taylor than your relationship. It's no different than someone playing video games all day or drinking their life away."

"It's escapism and isn't healthy. The OP could have voiced his concerns in a better way, yeah, but there's something going on with his wife, which is why it's ESH for me." - comettheconquerer

"Some have said that they feel bad for Taylor Swift because of the intensity of the Swifties, and honestly, feeling bad for her is the correct reaction."

"Her Netflix documentary a few years back really hammered home how isolating her life is, how she craves being able to just like go get a coffee, how frustrating it is to have people choreographing her every word/action, how it's limited potential romantic relationships... basically, how lonely she is. It's really sad."

"What humans in our society do to people at that level of fame is abusive. (Think Madonna, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Michael Jordan, Princess Diana, Harry/Megan, etc.) And there's no escaping it for them. Ever. There's a small number of people who've achieved that level of fame where they simply cannot, and likely will never be able to, live anything even remotely resembling the tiniest fraction of a 'regular life.' She's definitely at that level."

"How could she have known as a 14-year-old kid being peddled around by her mother that this is what would await her? It's really sad. Honestly, these up-close-and-personal things she does with fans are probably as much for her benefit (let's bake cookies just like regular people!) as theirs."

"OP should suggest to his wife to watch the documentary. It would be a way of 'supporting her' by providing her with new Taylor Swift content to watch, but then the OP could also kindly tell her that this kind of 'fandom' (obsession), where the wife is living in a fantasy world of being Taylor Swift's best friend, is contributing to Taylor being sad and very lonely, and surely the wife wouldn't want to contribute to THAT!" - preciselypithy

"OP, you probably won't see this but Taylor Swift is a stand-in for something more. It could have been anything or anyone. She's masking something and seeking a 'community' to compensate for something she's missing."

"It's not much different from any other addiction. It's severe escapism and she's getting a literal chemical response in her brain, little hits of dopamine. You're not going to force the break until she's ready."

"She knows it's a problem which is why she takes it so personally when you roll your eyes or dismiss it. You should seek help for yourself on how to deal with her." - Peg-Lemac

"If it wasn't Taylor Swift, it might be something else. She needs therapy. Or couples therapy. At a certain point, it's not healthy and is a way to escape. And she reinforces it all day long."

"You have tried to establish some boundaries and she's refused. It's time to let a professional step in. They may be able to help her get a handle on what is behind this obsessive behavior (or even examine her history with obsessive behavior; this probably isn't the first time she's gotten nutty about a subject matter)."

"It basically comes down to, she may be very unhappy, and if Taylor Swift is the band-aid she's chosen for now, it's not your job to rip off that band-aid as much as help guide her to examine why she's unhappy or unsatisfied or insecure." - FreebieAndBean90

Taylor Swift and her extensive fandom is already a touchy subject for many people, with some ready to defend her and others looking to tear the fandom down, and this post proved to be just as touchy of a subject.

Some dismissed the obsession as immature and problematic, while others felt it was acceptable and hardly an obsession at all. But the most interesting comments came from a place of concern and ESH ratings, with Redditors pointing out that Taylor Swift was simply providing support for the OP's wife, and it was up to the OP to show her support by figuring out what was lacking in her life so she could work on healing her more addictive and impulsive behaviors.