Each of us has our own personality, including what we enjoy and what we believe in.
Sometimes, it's important that our loved ones support us in those beliefs, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, and at the very least, acknowledge them.
Being in a financial bind, Redditor may_apple_juice found it difficult to give her friend the kind of eco-friendly gifts that she wanted for her baby shower.
But when her friend questioned whether or not she even supported her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong for how she handled the presents.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for getting my friend an 'inhumane' gift that wasn't on her baby registry?"
The OP's college friend had specific beliefs.
"A friend I went to college with, Shea, is pregnant. Shea is super into organics, holistic stuff… you know."
"She used to be in a climate crisis organization, now volunteers for local eco groups, and loves slow fashion."
"She's a first-time mom and already planning to do the whole gentle parenting, natural products deal."
The OP struggled to figure out what to gift her friend at her baby shower.
"Shea's baby shower was last week and she had a registry, but everything on it was super, super expensive."
"I'm at a hard spot with money and Shea knows it and I can't drop a ton of money on wooden toys or an organic stroller."
"I didn't want to be empty-handed though, so on the day of Shea's shower, I showed up with an Amazon gift card and some cool organic soaps I got at HomeGoods. It was all in a bag so Shea didn't see what it was."
Shea called the OP out on her purchase.
"The next day, Shea called me angry, saying I know that she doesn't support Amazon or anyone giving their money to Amazon."
"She said it's an inhumane company that exploits their workers, and she was disappointed in me and that really, I shouldn't have purchased anything at all."
"I apologized but she seemed hurt and was acting like I barely know her."
"I feel awful, but I thought gift cards were just kind of like currency dressed up nowadays, and I couldn't afford some $300 contraption when I can barely afford to make myself 3 meals daily."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the friend was being incredibly entitled with her baby registry.
"NTA. You got her a gift and she turned her nose up at it. So not only is she ungrateful and rude, but she obviously cares more for what you're going to get her than she does you as a human being."
"And just because she chooses not to deal with Amazon doesn't mean she gets to be the moral police and choose for everyone else. It's a shame the friendship is ended, but this one didn't sound like a real friendship anyway." - milliebarnes
"She is literally exploiting her friends and family for the high-end crap she wants for her baby. Most of which, she'll come to learn as we all do, you do not even need."
"I find having a registry for a baby shower abhorrent anyway, but if you insist there should be more items in there with a £10-£20 price range with a few more expensive items that grandparents usually buy."
"Your friend is a raving hypocrite and instead of apologizing, try pointing that out to her." - Natural_Writer9702
"OP didn't even know of the friend's aversion to that company and it's generally accepted as a good choice as it sells so many different items for them to choose from."
"It's about OP's friend's attitude that she avoids these corporations to protect the workers who are extorted with low wages, without realizing her own friend is one of these workers who can't even afford to feed herself 3 meals every day."
"It's about a rich person showing off their moral superiority because they have the resources to be able to choose where they shop, whilst others don't and have to shop based on price."
"She could have been a lot more gracious about the gift, even whilst returning it, and understood that it came from someone who was embarrassed they couldn't afford their expensive tastes, did their best under the circumstances, and is actually one of the people they claim to protect, instead of giving a tone-deaf, hypocritical lecture." - Natural_Writer9702
"She should have been mindful of the fact that not everyone has as much money as her. People also pick and choose companies to support, I highly doubt they she doesn't shop at any 'evil' companies."
"When we made our wedding registry we included $10-$20 items along with more expensive items. She's anti-Amazon but has zero class consciousness? That's hard for me to understand. I'm assuming that this woman is a friend, but not super close."
"Registries make it easy to buy gifts, the friend should have put nonexpensive gifts on it. Personally, I don't think that super affluent people even need to have gift registries. And some people feel compelled to buy from the registry so that they have a definite chance of making the percipient happy and that's okay." - kittiesurprise
Others agreed and thought the friend handled the situation poorly.
"Friends don't know everywhere each friend shops and doesn't. I am a big supporter of LGBTQ rights, as such, I don't personally eat at Chick-fil-A."
"If I was given a gift card, I would say thank you and gift it to someone I know might need it. It's really that simple not be an a**." - BlondeinShanghai
"Shea could have called and said, 'Hey OP, thanks so much for the gift. I really appreciate you taking the time to think of me and my baby. But I don't do Amazon, remember? Just not a fan of them, don't like their practices, etc.'"
"And then she could have added, 'I don't want you wasting any more money or worrying about it, so can I give the cards back to you? And if you want to, you can get something else for the baby, like diapers, wipes, and bottles are always welcomed, or you can exchange it for [gift card at whatever highfalutin store she shops at when damn near everything is made unethically anyway].'"
"Shea was awful, horribly rude, and wrong. Instead of going off, she could have either 1) given OP grace and a chance to amend the situation, or 2) shut the f**k up, go online, and exchange the card on one of those websites."
"Forget eco-friendly s**t, babies are expensive! Just you wait, Henry Higgins… Parent's Choice will find its way to her baby sooner or later."
"Costs nothing to be kind, but being a jerk about it can cost an entire friendship, apparently."
"If it were me, Shea wouldn't have to pretend like I don't know her, because as of that phone call, she'd be nonexistent. Not a loss on my part."
"NTA, OP. Consider yourself lucky. You don't have to deal with an unbearable person anymore. Imagine all the Eco-Ego mommy and baby stuff you'd be subjected to in the future. Better to cut your losses now." - MangyTalaxian
"Seeing as OP does know Shea appreciates stuff that's biological, it would stand to reason she should have known she didn't support a corporation like that."
"Having said all that though: Shea had a total overreaction to it. Just bringing up the next time she saw her like, 'Hey thank you for the gift. Normally I don't want to support a company like Amazon though. I appreciate the thought of the gift!' and be done with it."
"Getting mad for something that's at the end of the day a simple mistake is bulls**t. NTA." - Kellogz27
"I find that people with views like OP's friend tend to be very outspoken. She was so outspoken about it, that she called and talked to her friend about it (which admittedly, is over-the-top if the conversation went how OP described it)."
"It didn't seem like much of a stretch to me that she's talked about it with her friends before. OP is blaming finances for a gift that was a low effort. A low-effort gift by itself is not necessarily an AH move. But if it's something her friend often talks about being opposed to, then that would switch my vote from NTA to ESH." - dragongrrrrrl
Some also felt they would have questioned or ended the friendship over this.
"NTA. She's being incredibly ungrateful. I wouldn't be friends with her anymore, but that's just me." - mzpljc
"NTA."
"That was an extreme reaction."
"Honestly, that would have me question our friendship."
"You gave what you could. She is being ridiculous." - Prudent_Border5060
"Honestly not everyone knows that stuff about Amazon. I wouldn't have personally known. Like absolutely I had no clue."
"Obviously, I'd never give a vegetarian/vegan anything against their health restrictions. But people don't also need to be so touchy and assume the worst all the time. You have some vegans who will refuse to go to a dinner party if anyone is eating things that are non-vegan and other people who don't care as long as they have plenty of options."
"I just think it's a bit of a stretch to assume everyone is aware that Amazon has some horrible reputation, considering how so many people use it. I honestly have never heard of anyone boycotting it before, and would give it as a gift card just under the impression that you can find basically anything on there. So it appeals to a lot of people."
"I highly doubt OP did this on purpose, she sounds like she was just trying to do the best she can within her means."
"Her friend sounds like the AH to me. She should've included some items that were affordable on her registry. It's common practice to have things with a wide range of costs. Like starting at 10-20$, so people won't feel awkward."
"And her chewing her friend out is just mean. She could've just told her nicely, like, 'Listen, I don't know If you're aware but I'm against Amazon because of, etc.' Nothing wrong with taking the time to educate someone vs fighting with them."
"Because if OP's friend automatically jumps to thinking the worst of OP, why are they even friends?" - kitkat_0706
Though the subReddit could technically understand why the friend was disappointed in the gift card, specifically because of where it was from, they couldn't get behind the friend's reaction. To make assumptions about the OP and their loyalty to their friendship, all because of a gift card, felt like a bit much.
For more crazy stories about relationships, check out why this bride was so mad at her groom.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.