Each of us has our own personality, including what we enjoy and what we believe in.
Sometimes, it’s important that our loved ones support us in those beliefs, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, and at the very least, acknowledge them.
Being in a financial bind, Redditor may_apple_juice found it difficult to give her friend the kind of eco-friendly gifts that she wanted for her baby shower.
But when her friend questioned whether or not she even supported her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong for how she handled the presents.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for getting my friend an ‘inhumane’ gift that wasn’t on her baby registry?”
The OP’s college friend had specific beliefs.
“A friend I went to college with, Shea, is pregnant. Shea is super into organics, holistic stuff… you know.”
“She used to be in a climate crisis organization, now volunteers for local eco groups, and loves slow fashion.”
“She’s a first-time mom and already planning to do the whole gentle parenting, natural products deal.”
The OP struggled to figure out what to gift her friend at her baby shower.
“Shea’s baby shower was last week and she had a registry, but everything on it was super, super expensive.”
“I’m at a hard spot with money and Shea knows it and I can’t drop a ton of money on wooden toys or an organic stroller.”
“I didn’t want to be empty-handed though, so on the day of Shea’s shower, I showed up with an Amazon gift card and some cool organic soaps I got at HomeGoods. It was all in a bag so Shea didn’t see what it was.”
Shea called the OP out on her purchase.
“The next day, Shea called me angry, saying I know that she doesn’t support Amazon or anyone giving their money to Amazon.”
“She said it’s an inhumane company that exploits their workers, and she was disappointed in me and that really, I shouldn’t have purchased anything at all.”
“I apologized but she seemed hurt and was acting like I barely know her.”
“I feel awful, but I thought gift cards were just kind of like currency dressed up nowadays, and I couldn’t afford some $300 contraption when I can barely afford to make myself 3 meals daily.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the friend was being incredibly entitled with her baby registry.
“NTA. You got her a gift and she turned her nose up at it. So not only is she ungrateful and rude, but she obviously cares more for what you’re going to get her than she does you as a human being.”
“And just because she chooses not to deal with Amazon doesn’t mean she gets to be the moral police and choose for everyone else. It’s a shame the friendship is ended, but this one didn’t sound like a real friendship anyway.” – milliebarnes
“She is literally exploiting her friends and family for the high-end crap she wants for her baby. Most of which, she’ll come to learn as we all do, you do not even need.”
“I find having a registry for a baby shower abhorrent anyway, but if you insist there should be more items in there with a £10-£20 price range with a few more expensive items that grandparents usually buy.”
“Your friend is a raving hypocrite and instead of apologizing, try pointing that out to her.” – Natural_Writer9702
“OP didn’t even know of the friend’s aversion to that company and it’s generally accepted as a good choice as it sells so many different items for them to choose from.”
“It’s about OP’s friend’s attitude that she avoids these corporations to protect the workers who are extorted with low wages, without realizing her own friend is one of these workers who can’t even afford to feed herself 3 meals every day.”
“It’s about a rich person showing off their moral superiority because they have the resources to be able to choose where they shop, whilst others don’t and have to shop based on price.”
“She could have been a lot more gracious about the gift, even whilst returning it, and understood that it came from someone who was embarrassed they couldn’t afford their expensive tastes, did their best under the circumstances, and is actually one of the people they claim to protect, instead of giving a tone-deaf, hypocritical lecture.” – Natural_Writer9702
“She should have been mindful of the fact that not everyone has as much money as her. People also pick and choose companies to support, I highly doubt they she doesn’t shop at any ‘evil’ companies.”
“When we made our wedding registry we included $10-$20 items along with more expensive items. She’s anti-Amazon but has zero class consciousness? That’s hard for me to understand. I’m assuming that this woman is a friend, but not super close.”
“Registries make it easy to buy gifts, the friend should have put nonexpensive gifts on it. Personally, I don’t think that super affluent people even need to have gift registries. And some people feel compelled to buy from the registry so that they have a definite chance of making the percipient happy and that’s okay.” – kittiesurprise
Others agreed and thought the friend handled the situation poorly.
“Friends don’t know everywhere each friend shops and doesn’t. I am a big supporter of LGBTQ rights, as such, I don’t personally eat at Chick-fil-A.”
“If I was given a gift card, I would say thank you and gift it to someone I know might need it. It’s really that simple not be an a**.” – BlondeinShanghai
“Shea could have called and said, ‘Hey OP, thanks so much for the gift. I really appreciate you taking the time to think of me and my baby. But I don’t do Amazon, remember? Just not a fan of them, don’t like their practices, etc.'”
“And then she could have added, ‘I don’t want you wasting any more money or worrying about it, so can I give the cards back to you? And if you want to, you can get something else for the baby, like diapers, wipes, and bottles are always welcomed, or you can exchange it for [gift card at whatever highfalutin store she shops at when damn near everything is made unethically anyway].'”
“Shea was awful, horribly rude, and wrong. Instead of going off, she could have either 1) given OP grace and a chance to amend the situation, or 2) shut the f**k up, go online, and exchange the card on one of those websites.”
“Forget eco-friendly s**t, babies are expensive! Just you wait, Henry Higgins… Parent’s Choice will find its way to her baby sooner or later.”
“Costs nothing to be kind, but being a jerk about it can cost an entire friendship, apparently.”
“If it were me, Shea wouldn’t have to pretend like I don’t know her, because as of that phone call, she’d be nonexistent. Not a loss on my part.”
“NTA, OP. Consider yourself lucky. You don’t have to deal with an unbearable person anymore. Imagine all the Eco-Ego mommy and baby stuff you’d be subjected to in the future. Better to cut your losses now.” – MangyTalaxian
“Seeing as OP does know Shea appreciates stuff that’s biological, it would stand to reason she should have known she didn’t support a corporation like that.”
“Having said all that though: Shea had a total overreaction to it. Just bringing up the next time she saw her like, ‘Hey thank you for the gift. Normally I don’t want to support a company like Amazon though. I appreciate the thought of the gift!’ and be done with it.”
“Getting mad for something that’s at the end of the day a simple mistake is bulls**t. NTA.” – Kellogz27
“I find that people with views like OP’s friend tend to be very outspoken. She was so outspoken about it, that she called and talked to her friend about it (which admittedly, is over-the-top if the conversation went how OP described it).”
“It didn’t seem like much of a stretch to me that she’s talked about it with her friends before. OP is blaming finances for a gift that was a low effort. A low-effort gift by itself is not necessarily an AH move. But if it’s something her friend often talks about being opposed to, then that would switch my vote from NTA to ESH.” – dragongrrrrrl
Some also felt they would have questioned or ended the friendship over this.
“NTA. She’s being incredibly ungrateful. I wouldn’t be friends with her anymore, but that’s just me.” – mzpljc
“That was an extreme reaction.”
“Honestly, that would have me question our friendship.”
“You gave what you could. She is being ridiculous.” – Prudent_Border5060
“Honestly not everyone knows that stuff about Amazon. I wouldn’t have personally known. Like absolutely I had no clue.”
“Obviously, I’d never give a vegetarian/vegan anything against their health restrictions. But people don’t also need to be so touchy and assume the worst all the time. You have some vegans who will refuse to go to a dinner party if anyone is eating things that are non-vegan and other people who don’t care as long as they have plenty of options.”
“I just think it’s a bit of a stretch to assume everyone is aware that Amazon has some horrible reputation, considering how so many people use it. I honestly have never heard of anyone boycotting it before, and would give it as a gift card just under the impression that you can find basically anything on there. So it appeals to a lot of people.”
“I highly doubt OP did this on purpose, she sounds like she was just trying to do the best she can within her means.”
“Her friend sounds like the AH to me. She should’ve included some items that were affordable on her registry. It’s common practice to have things with a wide range of costs. Like starting at 10-20$, so people won’t feel awkward.”
“And her chewing her friend out is just mean. She could’ve just told her nicely, like, ‘Listen, I don’t know If you’re aware but I’m against Amazon because of, etc.’ Nothing wrong with taking the time to educate someone vs fighting with them.”
“Because if OP’s friend automatically jumps to thinking the worst of OP, why are they even friends?” – kitkat_0706
Though the subReddit could technically understand why the friend was disappointed in the gift card, specifically because of where it was from, they couldn’t get behind the friend’s reaction. To make assumptions about the OP and their loyalty to their friendship, all because of a gift card, felt like a bit much.
For more crazy stories about relationships, check out why this bride was so mad at her groom.