Many couples look forward to a wedding as a chance for friends and family to reunite, some of whom they may not have seen in ages, with a “more the merrier” mindset.
Others would prefer to keep their weddings small, only inviting their nearest and dearest.
At the end of the day, whether one has a big wedding or an intimate one, all weddings will eventually have a cap on their guest list.
Resulting in some people not receiving invitations.
Redditor Accomplished_Pea_819 had an upcoming wedding celebration, which she hoped to keep small.
But her father, who was paying for half of the wedding, urged her to consider adding to her guest list.
Guests she otherwise would never have invited to her wedding.
Wondering if she would be in the wrong to say no, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my step mother’s side of the family to my wedding event?”
The OP explained why they were hesitant to add guests to their wedding, despite their father’s urgings:
I (F[emale], from the US) met and married my husband (M, from Egypt) while living overseas.”
“We married in 2023 in his country.”
“Due to visa restrictions and overall timing, we are finally planning a small wedding reception for my family and friends in the USA.”
“The wedding reception will be this summer, July 2026.”
“It will be about 4 hours total.”
“I’m not wearing a bridal gown.”
“It’s more of an event to celebrate us and a chance for my immediate family and friends to meet my husband.”
“Some of his family, who live in the United States, have also been invited.”
“My mom and dad are both paying for the wedding reception.”
“They’re splitting the costs 50/50.”
“My parents are divorced and my dad has been married to my stepmother since 2008.”
“Her extended family was not directly involved in my upbringing.”
“I saw them at family functions about once a year while I was in middle and high school.”
“They were not included at my college graduation or celebrations.”
“I didn’t see them a lot at all in my 20s.”
“We all attended a Christmas party hosted by my stepmother’s sister in 2024.”
“It was the first time I had seen her extended family in over five years.”
“My dad is now requesting we invite the siblings of my stepmother, who live locally, to my wedding reception.”
“They were not on the invite list that I shared with him, and the save-the-dates were sent in January. He didn’t object or question my guest list at the time.”
“He texted me last night saying he and my stepmom were at a funeral and had dinner with one of her sisters.”
“He said he accidentally brought up the wedding reception to them and now thinks we should invite some of her siblings who live in the area to the event.”
“They would be my step mom’s sister K and her husband M, along with her other sister B and her boyfriend T.”
“I have met T once.”
“I don’t dislike my stepmom’s family at all.”
“We are Facebook ‘friends,’ and I follow their college-aged children on IG.”
“I just don’t consider them close family.”
“We never did holidays together, they do not regularly correspond with me.”
“My stepmom doesn’t even see them that much!”
“Maybe once or twice a year, and most of them live in the same city.”
“My dad is saying I should reconsider.”
“My twin sister is also concerned because if we invited them to my wedding, she’d be obligated to invite them to her wedding.”
“She has a serious boyfriend, and they’ve looked at rings together.”
“My stepmom and I get along well enough.”
“We haven’t had the best relationship, but overall, I enjoy spending time with her and my dad when I visit home.”
“My mom and dad get along well enough, too.”
“There is some wiggle room on the guest list because a few of my close friends can’t attend.”
“Should I just see this as a ‘more the merrier’ type situation?”
“Or, should I stick to my original plan of immediate family & friends, even if it may be a smaller gathering due to some of them not being able to join?”
“AITA for not wanting to include a lot of extended family members or should I relent because I’m not the one paying for the event?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was mostly in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to invite their stepmother’s extended family to her wedding:
Everyone agreed that at the end of the day, the OP had the right to invite, and not invite, whoever she wanted to her wedding…
Even if not everyone agreed that adding a few guests wasn’t quite as big a deal:
“NTA for wanting only the people you know well at your wedding celebration.”
“But you’re also not paying for it, so what’s a few extra people to make everyone happy and comfortable?”
“Your sister can deal with her future wedding how she sees fit.”- dmjones6591
“NTA.”
“I mean, up to you.”
“Tbh this is more of a situation created by your dad for some reason.”
“Does it even need to be addressed by you?”
“You can just say ‘I’ll stick to our initial invite list’ and let your dad handle the rest.”
“It’s more his family than yours.”
“Assuming you don’t want them there, which is valid.”- Desperate_Net3878
“NTA for not wanting to include them.”
“This is your dad’s problem; he brought up the event, and he’s the one who feels obligated to include them now.”
“If you guys aren’t really that close, I doubt the aunts feel any type of way.”
“He can just tell them it was a more intimate gathering if he wants to put it delicately.”
“Another point you could potentially make is that he would have to be covering all the costs himself of the extra guests (reception, wedding, and invitations).”
“You, your mom, and your fiancé’s parents will not be compensating for his faux pas.”
“Idk his financial situation, so that could either work in your favor or come back to bite you lol.”-Dangerous_Cow_7372
“NTA ‘He didn’t object or question my guest list at the time,’ that’s because he doesn’t care who gets invited or not.”
“It was only after he stupidly brought up the reception that he got pressured into trying to force you to invite them.”
“He broke a basic rule of life: do NOT talk about events/parties/gatherings with people who are not going to be invited.”
“He could have talked with them about the reception after it had already been held, but not before.”
“What does a person expect me to think if they are telling me about a family wedding reception that they’ve been invited to and I have not been invited?”
“Am I supposed to be charmed by being told they are going but I’m not?”- Deep-Okra1461
There were others, however, who understood why the OP didn’t want to invite her stepmother’s family, but also understood where her father was coming from:
“NAH. It’s a reasonable request, but everyone planning a wedding has to draw the line somewhere.”
“I personally would invite them in your shoes.”
“Two couples who live locally, who you get along with, from a family that’s included you in their holidays and family events, seems worth it to make your stepmom feel like family and your dad happy.”
“But I don’t know your budget or venue limitations.”
“If you’d rather keep it small, I’m sure there’s a diplomatic way to say so.”
“Wedding is in July 2026, so we’re well within the time when most couples are ordering invitations and making any last-minute adjustments to their guest list.”
“It’s not a ton of notice, but it’s not unthinkably late.”- 10Panoptica
“NAH.”
“But I honestly don’t see why you can’t invite them.”
“It’s a party, and it honestly wouldn’t hurt you at all to extend an invitation.”- pudge-thefish
“NAH.”
“But if there is space, you don’t have to pay, and it would help your dad out why not.”-Silver_Manner2545
“NAH, and you’re not the AH at all.”
“But I’d invite them.”
“You have room, your dad is paying, and you don’t dislike them.”
“But it’s your event, so it doesn’t matter what I would do!”- IHaveBoxerDogs
“NAH, but I’d lean NTA because your dad only suddenly ‘needs’ this after he awkwardly mentioned it at a funeral dinner, that’s not your problem to fix.”
“If you’ve got space and don’t mind them, the easy compromise is ‘sure, but dad covers the extra cost for those 4’, because your mom paying for random step-aunts is kinda weird, also July 2026 is close enough that late add-ons get annoying fast.”- babydollafter
No one can blame the bride for wanting to keep her wedding small.
One also can’t really blame her stepmother for wanting her family included, if only as a way to become a more active part of her family.
Should excluding them cause strain in the OP’s relationship with her stepmother, or even her father, she will have to seriously consider whether or not it was worth it.