Redditor Current-Pool is a 24-year-old college freshman married to her 27-year-old husband with whom she has kids.
They both have diametrically opposed views about jobs that reached a boiling point.
After endless arguing, the Original Poster (OP) visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for getting a job behind my husband's back?"
The OP wrote:
"My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have a few kids. His parents own the house we live in and they have graciously let us not pay rent."
"My parents are deadbeats that aren't in the picture, his parents like me more than their son. That's all for background for length's sake."
"The last year has been hard af for everyone, so my husband decides to turn down THREE $800+ a week jobs. Without talking to me."
"I am a freshman in college, deciding that the only thing stopping me was me. I am doing it for my kids, tbh."
"Anyways, my husband has worked a week this year."
"Through many MANY arguments he decides to fill out an application at a gas station part time. I am livid because wtf?"
"We have blown through all our savings, a part time minimum wage job isnt going to keep us afloat."
"So I decided that since he doesnt want to f'king work, I will."
"This has opened up a pandora's box of arguing. He is PISSED because I went to his dad asking if he could get me on a job that he has offered to my husband making a decent amount of money."
"My FIL happily agreed, because HE has been the one paying our bills. He also threw out there to 'do what I have to' for my kids, indicating he thinks I should leave."
"My husband thinks that me working and going to school will look bad on him. He also says that if he doesn't work then his sense of purpose is gone because that's what he contributes to the family."
"Except HE F'KING DOESN'T and I am sick of being nice and told him so. I told him that I am getting the job, so now I'm a bitch who thinks I dont need him."
"So AITA?"
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors did not look upon the husband favorably.
"NTA. He 'won't let you' work? Girl, I'd be out the door. F'k his nonsense." – showtunie
"There are very few situations where a guy telling me he 'won't let me' do something wouldn't result in a call to the Whole Man Disposal Service." – jamoche_2
"Been there - I rescued a puppy from euthanasia at my work and then told my boyfriend at the time... he wasn't happy, but he understood why I did it."
"He offered to pay for half of the bills to get the puppy fixed up, and we both intended for the situation to be a month-long fostering gig."
"Well, $3,000 and a month later the puppy is healing nicely and my boyfriend hasn't paid a cent or lifted a finger to help rehab him."
"Boyfriend then demands that I get rid of the puppy because the foster-period was over. Unfortunately for him, I was pretty pissed about the money and I'm also stubborn to a fault, so I kicked out the boyfriend and kept the dog."
"Almost 7 years later and not a single f'king regret. My dog is the sh*t and paid me back tenfold with his companionship." – Kharmaticlism
"So your husband doesn't want to get up off his lazy bum a**, stop mooching off his parents, and take care of his kids....yet....he also wants to ban you from doing so....because it would make him look and feel bad?"
"What the actual f'k is this type of mindset? It's not YOU who are making him 'look bad.' He's doing that himself."
"Does he just expect his parents to let him live for free and pay for his whole a** family for the rest of his life? Your husband is delusional."
"If he feels bad about not working he shouldn't have turned down three jobs. What the hell? Go to work."
"The whole world doesn't revolve around his weird a** feelings. You have responsibilitys to care for and sh*t to do for your kids and his fee fees don't matter in comparison to putting food in your children's bellies."
"Honestly he's right. You don't 'need' him. It sounds like you can't rely on him at all and would do better without him holding you back and forcing your kids into intentional poverty because he just doesn't feel like taking care of his family." – dogchick1985
"NTA. It does look bad on him but that's on him."
"If he wants to not look bad he can get off his lazy af a** and get an actual job, maybe the job that you're taking since it's coming from his father, and let you actually get your degree!" – OboesHay
"NTA!! It's worse than 'can't' hold down a job, it's 'turned down THREE $800 jobs' WITHOUT TELLING OP."
"He DOESN'T WANT to work - he wants to mooch off of mommy and daddy and expects OP to do the same whilst raising the kids full-time."
"That's probably why he doesn't want her working - because who'll watch the kids while she's attending school and working part time; him?!"
"BUT HE'S BUSYYYYYY! He's fullfilling his PURPOSE as a full-time BUM!"
"At this point, OP would be better off as a single mom, part or full-time student and part-time worker than to stay with a moocher."
"Verdict. In the words of musician Snow Tha Product, '...divorced a whole-a** man'." – CanuckLurker86
Overall, Redditors sided with the OP and admonished the husband's lack of motivation to help the family.
If he wants to not look or feel bad, it's time to stop mooching off mom and dad.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.