We’ve all experienced food cravings, and we definitely know that feeling of having to have it.
Whether it means cooking it, ordering it, or driving a long distance for it, we’ll go out of our way to acquire that craving.
But what we’re willing to do shouldn’t include ignoring someone, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Key_Cartographer6777 was the cook in the home, and he’d committed to cooking healthy meals for his family because it was better for his two children.
But when his wife began to rebel against his cooking choices, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he had turned their kitchen into an excessively healthy space.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my wife that I will not be cooking junk food and that she should order takeout if she wants it so much?”
The OP and his wife had a routine worked out at home.
“I (35 Male) and my wife (35 Female) have a son (10 Male) and a daughter (12 Female).”
“I cook all meals at home since my wife doesn’t like cooking, and she does the cleaning and laundry.”
“Both of ours to make up for it, as we split the other chores 50-50.”
“Also, our kids are homeschooled by my sister. So, they don’t leave the house except during the evenings to play in the park. I work from home (night shifts).”
The OP also worked out a system for cooking for his daughter’s health.
“My daughter has Type 2 Diabetes, so I usually make only healthy food at home so that our daughter doesn’t get tempted.”
“My son also willingly eats whatever I make and he’s not fussy about food, so I thought it was a good idea to instill healthy eating habits in him, as well.”
“I avoid making deep-fried items, too much salt or sugar, refined/processed foods, etc.”
“I also learned how to make the traditionally ‘junk’ food healthy so that both my kids can eat it, like air-fried chicken, sweet potato fries, non-refined flour waffles, protein, pancakes, sugar-free ice cream, etc.”
But his wife had begun to criticize the OP’s cooking style.
“My wife has been asking me to make more junk food for just her and our son.”
“I asked her if he had mentioned wanting it and she said no.”
“She said that she feels he’s ‘missing out’ on what other kids of his age experience and that it’s his age to eat whatever he wants.”
“I said that there’s no need to give him junk food if he hasn’t mentioned wanting them. Those foods are made in such a way that people crave them.”
The couple couldn’t reach an agreement in the kitchen.
“She admitted that she has been craving deep-fried food and she really wants me to make it for her.”
“I explained that our daughter will get tempted if I make it at home and she should just go get takeout.”
“She got mad at me and said that I’m just thinking about our kids and not her.”
“She’s refusing to talk to me now until I make her some fried food.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed that the wife could cook or order fried food for herself if she really wanted it.
“Your daughter and son are both fine with the food you cook.”
“If your wife wants more junk food, she’s free to cook that herself or go out and get some herself.”
“But it’s absolutely an a**hole move to complain about the food your make and demand you change it to cater to her.” – RecommendsMalazan
“NTA. I was kind of borderline on this because I do agree with your wife that you are thinking of your kids instead of her.”
“But she is also a grown-a** adult who has it in her power to go to the store and buy or cook food to her liking if she doesn’t like what you’re cooking.”
“Unless there is something that physically prevents your wife from cooking (disliking cooking or not being great at it doesn’t count), she can account for her own food preferences.” – Prove-Me-Wrong-
“Maybe the wife could learn how to cook if she’s craving deep-fried food. She’s a grown woman.” – Nickei88
“NTA, but your daughter does need to learn how to deal with the temptation.”
“If she’s not leaving the house and going around with others, she might have a hard time understanding that not everyone will follow her diet. She also needs to learn how to choose healthy choices when you aren’t around.”
“You make pancakes special for her diet, does she know that? Or will she think all pancakes are safe?”
“Maybe compromise with your wife and make something for her after the kids go to bed. You could even make whatever it is together.” – Consistent-Region322
“I was a bit on board with the wife until she said, ‘You are only thinking about the kids, not me.’ That could easily be flipped around to her by saying, ‘You are only thinking about yourself and using the son as an excuse.'”
“While daughter should have a mild talk that not everyone eats like them tbh and that it’s for her health, in a way that doesn’t give her guilt trips… So she is prepared for the world.”
“I really can’t see the problem with healthy junk food.”
“When I make fries, I use the oven, not deep fry them, that goes for normal potato ones, sweet potato, or root fruit fries, same with chicken. You can make burgers and fries.”
“Online has so many recipes that copy fast-food chains’ food. And often it is 10 times tastier because it uses fresh stuff and not the quick stuff fast-food chains use.”
“Kids aren’t ‘missing out,’ they are not starved, and the son isn’t complaining.”
“Cooking two different meals a day when the wife refuses to cook (and I’d say it too if the roles were flipped) is a bit much. Cook, clean kitchen, cook again, and then clean? Why can’t she order something and have a junk food Saturday when kids sleep?” – Dangerous-WinterElf
Others did wonder if the OP was preparing his children for the outside world, however.
“As someone whose parents also didn’t allow junk food, it’s better for them to learn moderation young rather than experience the freedom all at once as an adult and have no idea how to manage it.”
“I gained almost 60 pounds during my freshman year of college because I could suddenly eat whatever I wanted without my mom complaining about it.”
“(I’ve since lost about 45 of those pounds, but having a healthier relationship with junk food and convenience food as a kid would probably have prevented me from gaining most of it in the first place.)” – circadianknot
“But both your kids should probably remain exposed to junk food so that they can learn moderation and won’t be tempted to go crazy when they’re in an environment where it’s freely or cheaply available.” – jerslan
“My kids don’t have illnesses which impact their eating, however, we also made super healthy foods when they were growing up. Know what they like to eat? Super healthy food.”
“Just stick with the plan for now and manage any temptations when they are older.” – OLDLADY88888
“Healthy eating starts at home and he is teaching his daughter and son how to choose healthy food where and when it matters most, which will help both avoid temptation later.”
“OP, your wife is a grown adult and can drive. Point her in the direction of KFC or McDonalds and tell her to have at it.”
“Also, Type 2 Diabetes does not discriminate in families, and the son can show signs at any age as could his own children… Your actions now can prevent worse from happening later.” – PsychologicalRide218
“I think eventually OP’s daughter needs to learn this, but right now she is 12.”
“It can be so embarrassing for kids with special diets to be served a different meal from their families and then eat that meal while comparing it to what everyone else is eating (it doesn’t matter how it tastes, the fact that it is different can be hard). Food and young girls can bring on a host of other issues.”
“Practically, it also sucks to have to prepare more than one meal. If my husband didn’t like what I made for dinner, I would not make him a second meal. He’s grown and can figure out how to feed himself without me.”
“Right now, what OP is cooking seems to be good for daughter’s (everyone’s) health. It sucks for the wife though, but hopefully, she is able to be an adult and manage her own food cravings.” – Necessary-Highway575
The subReddit could understand the wife wanting some deep-fried after what sounded like a consistently healthy diet, they felt it was more important for health to come before the cravings.
They pointed out that the wife did have other options outside of the kitchen, whereas her daughter did not, though her daughter did need to learn to navigate making healthy choices when she wasn’t served food from her father’s kitchen.