A wedding is a special day that should be focused on the couple getting married. And one way to make the day special for them is adhering to their dress code.
Everyone enjoys dressing up every once in a while.
Redditor papabearaita encountered this very issue with their daughter. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
AITA For forcing my daughter to find her own way to a wedding because of what she was wearing?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have 3 daughters (19, 24, & 28). Our youngest, Jill, just started community college this year while our 2 oldest have moved away to start their careers.”
“Jill still lives with my wife and I as she is attending college locally and this saves her money.”
“This past weekend we were invited to my niece’s (and goddaughter) wedding a couple hours away. The dress code was semi-formal so men were expected to wear suits and women in dresses.”
“As we were getting ready to leave, Jill was taking her sweet time getting ready and I was kind of nagging at her to get going. She had been out late the night before with friends and I’m sure she was feeling the effects of that. When she was finally ready to go, she was wearing some kind of black, spaghetti strap halter-top thing with leggings.”
“I told her that was not an appropriate outfit for her cousin’s wedding and that she needs to change into something else. She told me she doesn’t have anything else to wear and that I don’t get to police what she’s wearing.”
“I told her that judging by the amount of dirty clothes on her floor and in her closet, she clearly has other options, she just didn’t plan ahead enough to figure something out.”
“I told her it was disrespectful to her cousin, the bride, to wear something to revealing and tacky to their wedding.”
OP’s daughter was not happy.
“Jill called me a jerk and said no one is going to care what she’s wearing and if people focus on her clothes more than the bride, that’s their problem, not hers.”
“I told her in that case, how she is getting to the wedding is her problem, not mine.”
“She asked what that meant and I told her that if that’s what she wants to wear, she is going to have to find her own way to the wedding because I am not going to arrive with my daughter looking like she is about to hit a club at 2am instead of attend her cousin’s wedding.”
“My wife chimed in at this point and told us both to calm down. She told me I was being over-bearing, but also told Jill that she did not agree with her choice of attire either and reminded her this is a semi-formal event. She told Jill she would help her find a different option that would be better suited for this.”
“Jill scoffed at that and went to her room and closed the door. I went and knocked and told her she has 15-minutes to be ready or we are leaving without her.”
“She yelled at me that I was being an asshole so I went outside to wait and after 20 minutes I went inside and Jill was still in her room. I told my wife that I am leaving and she can either come with me now, or her and Jill can figure out their own plans.”
“My wife asked what Jill is supposed to do and I said she can take an Uber for all I care at this point.”
“My wife reluctantly left with me and I could tell she felt guilty about the whole thing. Jill ended up not coming to the wedding and both her and my wife blame me for it. I don’t think I was the a**hole here though.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. You’re exactly right: leggings and a halter top are not appropriate to wear at a wedding that is set to semiformal attire. It shows disrespect to the bride, and it’s embarrassing for you as well.”
“The people saying that you have no right to say “I’m not taking you unless you change” have a double standard. They want to say that Jill is an adult and can wear what she wants/make her own choices, but they still don’t believe that Jill should face the consequence of her own choices, and also take on that adult responsibility of having to figure out how to get to an event.” ~ GothicArmadillo
“Precisely. At 19, I fully understood the difference between ‘semi formal’ and not, and there’s no way I’d have showed up in anything other than a decent dress, no matter how crappy I felt.”
“Jill still lives at home, so even as a legal adult, if she’s relying on her parents for a ride, they have every right to say ‘not going in my car dressed like that.’ I’ve heard of friends even doing that if a group is carpooling to an event and someone is dressed way out of line. So yes, technically Jill can wear what she wants, but her ride can also say ‘I’m not showing up with you if you’re dressed like that'” ~ TheBearWillBeFine
“Right??? There are options other than a dress but leggings isn’t one of them!”
“Not to mention, if I were the bride, I’d be downright grateful that she was kept home. I wouldn’t want that crap in my pictures.”
“Edit: Forgot to render judgment, NTA” ~ MySpiritAnimalIsJinx
“Was a bridesmaid at a close friend’s wedding. Her sisters in laws , both in their mid 20s, were upset that they weren’t also bridesmaids. One came in leggings and a strappy top like OPs daughter, one came in tank top, jeans and converse. Oh and this was a big Catholic wedding. They looked ridiculous. Funnily enough they have limited contact now. NTA OP. Jill is an entitled immature person who needs to give her head a wobble.” ~ Peony42
Just follow the dresscode.