We’ve all known someone who would invite themselves or bully their way in when they heard about our plans.
Most of us just accepted it and took them along for the event, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor Defined_Figure_139 found a way to get revenge on her boyfriend for constantly crashing her girls’ nights and ruining the vibe.
But when he gave her the silent treatment after, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she took it too far.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for making my boyfriend feel uncomfortable after he insisted on joining us on girls’ night in?”
The OP was fed up with her boyfriend inviting himself to her events.
“My boyfriend (27 male) started asking to join me in my girls’ nights in.”
“Every time I tried to say no, he would be like, ‘I have to join, or you’ll have to cancel.'”
“It made me and the girls miserable having to sit there with him in the middle.”
The OP thought of a way to make him not want to attend anymore.
“This past Friday, he insisted on joining us again. I had enough, so I came up with an idea to get him to hate hanging out with us, made a plan, and told the girls what we were going to do, and they were down for it.”
“The girls came and my boyfriend immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him, his work, and his achievements.”
“So here’s what I did, I started bringing up gross and embarrassing subjects, and the girls were eating them up, talking about them in detail.”
“We covered subjects like sex, periods (his most sensitive spot), cramps diarrhea, hairy legs, farts getting trapped in the vulva and coming out the front, squeezing s**t out of our faces, more cramp diarrhea, dirty underwear, and again…cramp diarrhea.”
“We talked about this stuff in extreme detail, like…I could feel his discomfort without even looking at him.”
“But God when I turned to see why he got quiet suddenly, he was getting red in the face and had sweat all over his forehead.”
“I bet he found himself unable to relate to these subjects and thus couldn’t take part in the conversation.”
“He got up from the couch, ready to head out. I looked at him and asked where he was going.”
“He was like, ‘I just, uh… I just remembered that I have an important meeting with a guy in about 10 minutes and… uh… I have to go now.'”
“He rushed out, telling us to have fun. The girls and I started laughing hysterically.”
The OP’s boyfriend called her out on it later.
“He came home and berated me, saying I made him feel uncomfortable and sick with the horrible subjects I kept bringing up.”
“I said, ‘What are you talking about? This is the typical stuff girls talk about all the time.'”
“He insisted I made him upset and caused him to leave.”
“He declined to speak to me and has been quiet since then.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned by the ultimatum at the beginning of the OP’s post.
“NTA. I LOVE this. Good on you! Very calculated!”
“But really, ‘I have to join or you’ll have to cancel.'”
“That’s… kind of scary… That doesn’t sound off to you? I would rethink girls’ night at y’all’s home and try to go to another friend’s house if this happens again.” – GoFigBill
“‘I have to join or you’ll have to cancel.’ This is not normal.”
“Love the strategy too. That’s some seriously gross stuff for guys to hear… And that’s coming from a dad in an all-female household with a spouse and two daughters.”
“He needs to get over you having time with girlfriends and away from him asap. Maybe remind him that he’s your partner and not your parent.” – Nerd_Law
“NTA, but I have to ask what on earth is this? ‘I have to join or you’ll have to cancel’? Oh heck no!”
“You have the right to time on your own with your friends.”
“Is he controlling elsewhere? Please take some time to reflect on your relationship because this is completely unreasonable and inappropriate behavior from him.” – sandvcrispsrock
“What the h**l is this guy who tries to insert himself in a GIRL’S Night or OP has to cancel? That’s very controlling and worrying.”
“He doesn’t sound very mature either, not being able to understand that he should not ask to join or being uncomfortable at the thought of periods. Not boyfriend material much, OP should really rethink this relationship!” – B4cteria
“My ex pulled this s**t all the time. It was to make sure my friends weren’t convincing me to leave him or trying to set me up with anyone new.”
“You deserve alone time with your friends, OP. This is legit, no usual internet exaggeration, controlling behavior.”
“Wanting to hangout for a bit occasionally is one thing, but ‘do it my way or no way’ is not.” – Scanty_and_Kneesocks
“The big question is why are you choosing to be with a man that refuses to respect your right to hang out with other people without him?” – jlzania
“NTA, but you are missing the forest for the trees. You’re congratulating yourself on grossing him out into leaving and ignoring the real problem.”
“He has all the hallmarks of an abuser. Controlling you, attempting to isolate you, shaming you about basic functions of your body… You need to dump this guy.” – Euphoric-Round-5182
Others also didn’t appreciate the boyfriend’s sensitivity around feminine subjects.
“NTA. Your BF is a brat.”
“Everything y’all discussed is typical topics for all my girls’ night ins.” – SleepDangerous1074
“NTA. Here, sis, you dropped these red flags.”
“1. He can’t let you have alone time with your friends?”
“2. He can’t handle period talk?”
“3. He gets ANGRY with you for talking about normal body functions with your friends??”
“Honey, throw the whole man out.” – AlwaysPlaysAHealer
“Well. He wanted to be a part of girls’ night. He finally was. NTA.”
“Also, ‘I have to join or you’ll have to cancel’?”
“The f**k is wrong with your boyfriend?” – DogsReadingBooks
“If he shows up next time, she can double down and clue the girls into a plan to talk about the size of their partner’s manhood. Maybe exaggerate a little bit…”
“But, seriously, OP, there are many red flags here. You should return him for a better model.”
“NTA.” – GloryIV
“Honestly, a man who gets the ickies from period talk isn’t ready for a relationship with women.”
“I am a man by the way.” – BasicDesignAdvice
“Let’s not forget trying to make every conversation about him him him. Making a whole bunch of your girlfriends go, ‘Ohhhhh,’ ‘Nooo, really?!’ about him, is just… weird.” – Dangerous-Winter-Elf
“OP, NTA, it’s literally a common thing girls talk about with each other. If he wanted to participate in girls’ night, he should have been ready for that.”
“Since he was just looking for an audience to brag to (‘a group of girls I can show off for! What a dream’), the period talk totally derailed him, because he can’t participate. He can’t make it all about him.”
“Your BF is TA, and a narcissist by the way this sounds. Get out now.” – CarlSy15
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Y’all wow, I just got home and left this post at 70ish comments, and here I am looking at hundreds of comments but only read a bunch, you guys… Thank you so much for your feedback and enlightening advice.”
“Just to add context: this is his apartment, he tells me who is and isn’t allowed to come in, and I thought this was fine since it’s his place (though I help with the bills, but he makes so much more as the head of security in his company so that’s that).”
“I just can’t believe how dense and blind I’ve been to his negative ways.”
“He’s still giving me the silent treatment and I’ve decided it’s just a lot to take, and so I’m temporarily moving in with one of the girls and will now be definitely reconsidering a few things.”
While the OP thought she might have taken her revenge too far when her boyfriend continuously gave her the silent treatment after the fact, the subReddit thought his reactions at the girls’ night were just the thing to help the OP wake up.
Not only was her boyfriend uncomfortable with basic, biological things, but he also wanted to be the center of attention and stay close by when she interacted with other people.
Fortunately, the OP listened to the subReddit and decided to take some time to reflect with one of her friends. She’ll have a better chance of making the best decision for herself about her relationship while she isn’t under her boyfriend’s watchful eye or giving him the attention he craves.