Everyone loves a good party.
And every special occasion deserves a blowout.
But sometimes our thinking about time and place may not be the best decision.
We want to celebrate the arrival of children, but… that party maybe better as a quaint gathering.
Thoughts differ.
Case in point…
Redditor Radiant_Ad_6986 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“WIBTA (Would I Be The A**hole) for throwing a party at my place and sending my pregnant wife to a hotel?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (35 M[ale]) wife (32 F[emale]) is 36 weeks pregnant and is having the baby shower over the weekend.”
“She has no friends living near by, so it’s going to be done over zoom.”
“I only mention this because we would not be having this issue as she would’ve just gone to a friends house like she normally does.”
“My friends thought it would be a good idea to hold a dad shower/birthday party for me in the evening on that same day as my birthday is over the weekend.”
“Unfortunately, we have a larger home than all of my friends and with current restrictions in my province, we have to hold the party at our house.”
“All my friends have pitched in for a hotel room for my wife, she’s pregnant, I know my friends, this party will go on much longer than it has to and will be much louder than it has to.”
“She initially agreed to stay in the hotel.”
“However, my wife changed her mind stating that she’s nervous that she might go into labor on that night and she would prefer to just stay in one of the bedrooms at our place.”
“Furthermore she’s now also stated that the party can only have male guests, because as she states they’re restrictions and there’s no need to have plus ones or any females there.”
“Despite the fact that even with no plus ones, we will still be above the restricted limit.”
“As soon as she brought up the potential to go into labor, I immediately decided that canceling the whole party was the responsible thing to do.”
“However, she doesn’t want me to do that.”
“She wants me to hold the party but ban women from coming, while she stays in one of the rooms.”
“I know my wife well, as long as she is in the vicinity my phone will be blowing up about noise, guests etc.”
“Frankly, I just want to cancel the whole thing but she won’t let me. So now I come to you.”
“So WIBTA, if I just tell her to go stay in the hotel and have the party that I want?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Seriously YTA. You can go have your party at a hotel and let your very pregnant wife stay home in comfort… no, wait.”
“Your wife is 36 weeks pregnant and she could go into labour at any time. You need to be with her.”
“Tell you what, why don’t you both stay home and have both showers by Zoom?” ~ del901
“He has about 14 days after this gathering where he could test positive directly from the party, right?”
“If that happens, he’s probably not allowed in the delivery room.”
“Hospital rules vary, but she could very well have the baby between 38-40 weeks when he’s not allowed in.”
“It doesn’t matter where the party is held.”
“And if he passes it to HER, and she tests positive when she goes into labor or gets induced, then she may have to labor and deliver in a mask when she wouldn’t have otherwise, have the newborn taken from her, or whatever else the hospital has in place for labor and delivery while COVID positive. “
“That’s not even counting the research that points to complications from COVID in the third trimester.”
“This is not worth it.” ~ Shaking-Cliches
“Yeah, there’s a significant risk to pregnant women in the last trimester.”
“No massive party should have been planned in that situation but now it has the responsible thing to do is cancel.”
“I get that OP’s wife is probably trying extra hard not to seen like a party pooper but this is one party that really should be pooped on.”
“OP should try and frame it as his choice due to his concerns about not being able to attend the birth or, much worse, putting his wife and unborn child’s lives at risk – not wanting the responsibility of having caused that.” ~ Estrellathestarfish
“37 weeks is early, not full term.”
“They changed the terminology a few years ago, but saying 37 is full term is so deeply ingrained in our society.”
“https://www.nichd.nih.gov/ncmhep/initiatives/know-your-terms/moms“
“OP – I know babies that were born at 36 weeks naturally, and out of them 2 had to be given help breathing straight out of delivery and 1 ended up in NICU for a week.”
“And that was before covid, add in covid risks this close to term with how many people you’re having (especially since you’re breaking the law to do so), and you’re playing with fire.”
“YTA for thinking an in person party that breaks the covid restrictions is even a remotely good idea and YTA for doing with a heavily pregnant wife for multiple reasons.” ~ neverforthefall
“To not even consider this aspect of it makes OP the AH. “
“I am angry for her that he’s not taking into account how having a party could effect labor for her – especially at 36 weeks.”
“I am currently pregnant, my hospital will not allow support persons who are COVID positive.”
“If I am positive then I will be asked to labor in a mask and I will have to breastfeed while masking (but baby can room with me because the nursery is closed).”
“Laboring alone because my partner went to a party that I was forced to not attend would enrage me and might even be a divorce worthy offense.”
“OP needs to cancel.” ~ MamaUrsus
“YTA. You want to throw a party, not allow your wife to be present, but your buddies can bring women.”
“You want your very pregnant wife to go to a hotel so you can throw a big party with other women as guests.” ~ CemeteryDweller7719
“This is what’s so weird.”
“If it is a birthday party why the hell isn’t OP’s wife coming, ditto if it’s a gendered baby shower thing then why are women invited.”
“YTA OP.” ~ NotNowEpimetheus
“I know this is insane. I kept expecting to be some logical reason why he’s shipping his very pregnant wife off to a hotel while he has a dual gendered baby shower.”
“Like what did I just read?!?!”
“YTA.” ~ heatherlj88
“These do not compute.”
“And YTA… It’s a pretty rude to push your pregnant wife into a hotel room so you can have a party.”
“This is your wife, the mother of your soon to be born child, and your unborn child, and your suggestion is ‘Hey, I want to have a party, you’re going to go stay in a hotel room.'”
“She offered a solution, you should take her up on it and deal with her sending you messages.”
“But… why can she not be part of the party?”
“It’s even more weird to have a party in your house, and basically banish her to a bedroom.”
“And you KNOW you’re going to be over the limit, so even bigger YTA for that.” ~ TheDreadPirateJeff
“YTA for forcing your very pregnant wife out of her own house so you can have a party.”
“WTF dude. YOU rent an airbnb and party if you wanna go wild.”
“On a day that she could potentially be going into labor? I guess?”
“Maybe you should have gotten some of that loud crazy partying days out of your system before your wife is ready to pop out a kid.”
“ETA: telling that you call your shared house ‘my’ place and think you’re entitled to kick her out and… so much immaturity and entitlement here.” ~ blackandwhitepaint
“YTA why do you even need the party in the first place? Do it over zoom like your wife.”
“Follow the covid restrictions put in place for a reason.” ~ pahanakun
OP swung back around to give us an update…
“Edit: Thanks everyone for your input. A lot of people brought up Covid.”
“Thanks for raising the concern. We both got vaccinated and boosted but we still got covid a few weeks ago.”
“She was invited to the dad shower/birthday party, but she’s pregnant and she really doesn’t want to go out of the house right now.”
“My friends and I managed to move the party to another location.”
“As many people have stated it’s pretty shi**y for me to ask my wife to leave the confines of her home for me to have a ‘rager.'”
“Canceling was never an option for her. That’s just how my wife is and I love her for that.”
Well who doesn’t love a happy ending?
Party on parents and good luck!