When we try to shop for gifts for another person, sometimes it can feel impossible to decide. So how do you normally figure out what to get someone for their birthday?
If you’re Redditor SidIc3, you just ask your girlfriend what she wants. However, the original poster (OP) didn’t like the suggestion given and decided she should pick something else.
Now OP’s girlfriend is upset and OP isn’t sure what he did wrong. To find out, he decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subreddit about his situation.
OP asked the Reddit board about what happened:
“AITA for not buying my GF the gift she asked for b-day?”
He gave a little bit more context to what happened:
“This is throwaway account.”
“I (30M[ale]) have girlfriend (28F[emale]) of 6 years. It’s always a problem to get her something for b-day so I asked her what she wants.”
“At first she said she does not know and that some nice dinner would do. But yesterday she came home from work and told me she saw very nice set of japanese knives she would like but it’s a bit expensive gift.”
“The knives were 254$ which I think is nonsense to pay for knives since she is not professional cook, she cooks as a hobby. I told her I think it’s unreasonable and that I won’t buy it for her.”
“She said ok, but was quiet the whole evening. When I asked her what happened she told me I shouldn’t ask her what she wants if I don’t want to take it in consideration.”
“I think it’s a bit childish, she gave me one suggestion and I said no. It shouldn’t be such a big deal.”
“Also money is not the problem we have both nice salaries and are childfree with reasonable monthly expenses. We don’t have any limit for the price of the gifts.”
“For my last b-day she got me summer trip to Turkey (paid by some benefits from her job).”
“So am I the a**hole?”
OP seems insistent that the knives would be a waste, and his girlfriend should pick something else. He even said that she can pick most anything, as money isn’t an issue.
But then, shouldn’t he have just gotten her the knives?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The board focused on the contrast between OP’s girlfriend taking him on a trip to Turkey and his refusal to get the knives she wanted.
On top of the fact OP asked his girlfriend what she wanted and then shot it down, she got him a very big and thoughtful gift. How difficult would it be to indulge her in her hobby and get some decent knives?
The board voted that OP was absolutely wrong for what he did.
“YTA. She got you a TRIP TO TURKEY and you can’t cough up $250 for a nice set of knives?”
“Boy, you had better get those knives delivered TODAY if you ever want to enjoy the results of your girlfriend’s cooking hobby again. You don’t need to be a professional to enjoy nice knives ffs.” – Temporary_Badger
“YTA. Normally I’d say ‘NAH’, but the fact that you stated that ‘money is not the problem’ changes everything.”
“The only reason why you don’t even want to give her those knives is because you think it’s ‘nonsense’ because she is not a professional.”
“You asked her what she wanted for her birthday since it’s ‘always a problem’ and she answered it and you just… immediately denied her request without even considering it.”
“Just buy her the damn knives already.” – Yourslongisntaverage
“YTA big time”
“You asked, she answered – you don’t get to decide if it’s ‘legitimate’. It’s her hobby! If she was into bird watching would you scoff at buying decent binoculars?”
“As it happens, $250 is a really good price for a nice hobbyist set. Not a great set, just a decent set. You know nothing about cooking knives, clearly, based on the fact you think that’s expensive for knives.”
“Also? Having good knives makes a huge difference in the kitchen. It’s a genuine pleasure to work with quality knives – something I’m sure she knows.”
“You messed up not only by belittling her choice, but also by ignoring her after she finally answered. Guess what – she’s never gonna tell you what she wants again because she won’t want to be disappointed by you.” – EwokCafe
“YTA. To begin with, why even ask if you didn’t care about the answer?”
“Second, it feels like you didn’t really say no in a very nice way.”
“Third, she got you a friggin trip to Turkey! And you can’t even give her something she asks for because YOU have decided that it’s nonsense.”
“D*ck move bro, buy her the knives and support her hobby. I mean, I’m pretty sure you also benefit from it.” – johemer
“YTA. You can afford the gift, you just don’t want to give it to her because she ‘cooks as a hobby’ and you think it’s ‘nonsense.’”
“She was absolutely right, there was no point asking her what she wanted if you weren’t going to consider it.”
“Some good knives would actually be a great investment, especially since you probably benefit from her cooking.” – WebbieVanderquack
After some comments agreed that OP was YTA, OP responded, updating on the situation:
“Edit: everybody is very fixated on the trip to Turkey.. Yes it was awesome gift.”
“I just wanted to say I finally got her weekend getaway to Italy (We live in Europe) she will definitely love because she is in love with Italian food and culture in general.”
“I ordered the knives directly from Japan delivered for her in black design that will fit with our kitchen we made few months ago. And I will give it to her when we get back from Italy, I am not willing to risk my luck and carry it with me.”
However, the comments didn’t stop. Some people were wondering if OP’s girlfriend is really that difficult to shop for.
Maybe he’s just really bad at thinking of others.
“I wonder if she’s ‘so hard to shop for’ because he always disregards what she wants” – LeatherHog
“My brother told me once that my mother had asked him for advice on stuff to buy me for Christmas or a birthday or something because I’m ‘so hard to shop for’.”
“He, surprised, rattled off a large number of things I like and which are easily obtained: cookbooks, kitchen things, theatre tickets, bath stuff, liquor, comics, board games, chocolate…the list goes on. She brushed off all suggestions as ‘not being things Egg really needs’.”
“My brother was baffled by this until I clued him in: my mother doesn’t want suggestions, she wants a way to make me like the things she thinks I *should* want. Mostly it’s the kind of clothes she thinks I should wear.” – MiddleEgg4848
“1. For not listening to her when she answered the question you asked”
“2. For assuming her hobby isn’t important enough to buy a gift for”
“3. For declining to reciprocate her amazing extremely generous gift”
“And FINALLY YTA for continuing to ignore her request, not getting her the gift she requested even after being told YTA AND then buying her something else entirely while saying you’ll ‘know’ she’ll love it.”
“If you insist on ignoring what she says, stop asking her questions like you care about her response.” – Woooahnellie
And some comments couldn’t help but make a few jokes.
“OMG! DON’T GIVE AN ANGRY WOMAN KNIVES!!!! /S” – Maddie215
“This is probably the one scenario in which you should GIVE THE ANGRY WOMAN KNIVES IMMEDIATELY.” – Temporary_Badger
“YTA. Are you a professional traveler or tour guide, is that why she bought you a trip to Turkey?”
“You wrote off what she wanted because you were condescending in saying what she enjoys is a childish hobby. I could understand if money was the issue, because $245 isn’t exactly pocket change.”
“But you’ve clarified that you’re not on a tight budget- you just don’t care about what you’re partner is interested in.” – theoddstends
“Let me explain… A gift (no matter what your opinion of it) is for the reciever.”
“She could want a rock painted with a sunflower that cost 350, stupid we know but if that is what she wants then you go buy her that rock.” – ArtichokeOk1669
OP came back with some more updates, though not all happy.
“Edit 2: I get it I messed up… but life threatening messages and messages about how I should commit suicide are really unwelcome and I will ignore them”
“Edit 3: link for the knives according to some redditors its a scam. –> This is getting really complicated (to pick the correct knives)”
Lastly, he provided another update to the first ‘Edit’ and what he’s going to do about the knives.
“I finally canceled the order and I am gonna take her to store With japanese knives I found I my country.”
It only took the entire internet yelling at him, but he finally got the point across. If you don’t know what to get someone for their birthday, ask them, and listen when they tell you.