Bride Upset After Weight-Obsessed Mom Plans To Wear Her Old Prom Dress To Wedding

Content Warning: Body-Shaming, Weight-Shaming, Controlling Behavior

Some people cannot handle not being in the spotlight, even when it's for something as important as someone else's wedding.

That realization is especially terrible when that person just so happens to be one of your parents, which made the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit cringe.

Redditor StockCharacter6982 was trying to have a better relationship with her body after having an eating disorder in high school, prompting her to be the thinnest shape of her life. Her mother, unfortunately, clearly valued that thinness, as she kept insisting that she get back to that size to fit in her prom dress again.

When her mother kept insisting that she lose more weight for her wedding, she even pushed the Original Poster (OP) by saying she'd lose enough weight herself to fit in her daughter's prom dress.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting by telling my mother she can't wear my prom dress to my wedding?"

The OP's mother raised her to have an unhealthy relationship with her body weight.

"My mom has lost a lot of weight, and I'm very proud of her. That said, she is trying to fit into my prom dress, which I wore when I was my skinniest."

"My mom has always been very negative about my weight and her own. Every time I'm around her, she makes me either weigh myself or tell her how much I weigh."

"She tells me I need to lose weight and always talks about how beautiful I used to be when I could fit in that prom dress."

The OP's mother continued to push her to lose weight for her wedding.

"I'm planning my wedding, and of course she has to be in charge of every detail, but she mainly wants me to lose weight."

"My fiancé and I made a pact to lose weight before the wedding because of photos, and we want to look and feel our best."

"Thankfully, my fiancé makes me feel good when he talks about weight loss and actually motivates me. So, that's a bit of a backstory for you."

But then the OP's mother crossed a line.

"My mom called me the other day and said, 'I'm going to lose enough weight to wear your prom dress to your wedding.'"

"Now, this prom dress is very special to me; it represents when I was my skinniest, but I also had an eating disorder and was very depressed."

"I love this prom dress and have always been compared to the photos of me in this dress."

"Everybody coming to my wedding has seen those pictures of me in the dress and has compared me then to now."

"The part where I ask if I'm overreacting is when I freaked out when she told me she wanted to wear the dress, and I told her she wouldn't be allowed at the wedding if she wore my dress."

"That dress represents my past, and I don't want it brought into my future."

The OP and her mother came to an impasse.

"I told her she couldn't wear the dress, and now she doesn't want to help pay for the wedding."

"She said I'm not going to look good in a wedding dress anyway if I don't get down to the size where I can wear that dress again."

"I feel like she told me she wanted to wear the dress to get some reaction."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that her wedding was about her and her fiancé, not her mother.

"NOR. Your wedding is about you and your husband; not anyone's hang-ups about their body." - FS_Scott

"Your mom is deranged and acting completely inappropriately here. Isn’t it her role in YOUR wedding to be supportive and encouraging YOUR vision?"

"Ask her whether she’d like 1. Help choosing an appropriate dress or 2. To be uninvited." - Front-Cat-2438

"'My mom has always been very negative about my weight and her own. Every time I'm around her, she makes me either weigh myself or tell her how much I weigh. She tells me I need to lose weight.'"

"All of this is the issue!! This is a much bigger deal than what she wears to your wedding. I don’t think she should even be at your wedding unless she starts seeing a therapist and respecting your boundaries." - Seltzer-Slant

"Speaking as someone who has almost the same backstory as you (I have a prom dress that I wore at my skinniest in the depths of an ED), that dress haunts me."

"If my mom wanted to wear it to my wedding, I would be having a courthouse or backyard ceremony without her." - wompadompdomp

"I'm your mom now. Whatever you have currently is a poor excuse for a 'mother.'"

"Have the most wonderful day with the people you LOVE and who LOVE you, not whoever or whatever this is." - Alicetheaddict

Others agreed and urged the OP to distance herself from her body-shaming mother.

"Tell your mom off before I do; she is beyond pathetic and needs to work her issues out ASAP."

"Projecting your low self-esteem onto your daughter is embarrassing and very low EQ of her. NOR." - punishedpuppi

"I only got two or three sentences into your mother's abuse to decide she doesn't deserve a f**king thing from you. I probably wouldn't even have her at the wedding because she's going to abuse you there too and make the day worse." - UltimaNerd

"You recognize that she is likely the cause of your ED? The comment about you not looking good at the wedding unless you are trying to harm yourself would end in being uninvited in my world."

"The prom dress is whatever compared to that horrific comment that no decent mother would ever say." - TequilaMockingbirds8

"NOR, and it sounds like your relationship with your mother is incredibly unhealthy, damaging, and borderline abusive. Making you weigh yourself is crazy."

"Regardless, you need space from her, and I hope you are going through therapy to help you sort out just how inappropriate and damaging those behaviors were and are to you."

"Her wanting to wear your prom dress is so so so crazy, over the line, creepy, and very, very telling of where she’s at mentally."

"I hope you keep that boundary of not allowing her to come if she wears it. You don’t need to feel upset on your own wedding day."

"Honestly, even in a different dress, maybe Mom shouldn’t be there. She can’t even let your one special day not be about weight."

"I’m sorry you’re going through this. Best wishes for you and your marriage." - Present-Suggestion1-

"NOR. I'd rather have the cheapest wedding in the world than let my mother do this."

"Make it VERY clear. Take the dress and hide it. And for God's sake, don't listen to her comments about your weight."

"It sounds like you found a decent man. Listen to him. In fact, tell her that if she mentions your weight for the wedding one more time, she's gonna be seated at the furthest table from yours. Maybe she'll check her attitude." - AuroraDF

To those comments, the OP agreed that she felt like she needed to take a step back but didn't know how.

"Hey guys, OP here. I forgot to mention some things."

"First, the reason she's 'paying' for my wedding is because it's MY money. She charged me rent because I lived with my parents for six years while dealing with mental health issues. They have over 20 grand from me paying them, and they held on to it and said it will be used for my wedding."

"That is why I want her to pay for it, because I want her to stop having the money and holding it over my head."

"Second, I'm scared to go no contact. I don't even know how to go about it. I'm scared of my mom, and she has a lot of control over me. I also don't want to lose my dad in the process."

"A few years ago, I attempted, and he finally became a person who seemed to care, and he's actually been a good person in my life. Everyone on my mom's side is just like her, though, so I don't think I would mind going no contact with them."

"Third, sadly, my future mother-in-law passed away when my fiancé was young, so I have no motherly figure to look up to."

"Fourth, I honestly didn't know she had my prom dress, and I don't know where it is. I could find it if I were alone in her house to look around. Honestly I don't know what to do."

Fellow Redditors encouraged the OP to celebrate and live in ways that would make her happy.

"That $20k is a sunken cost. Consider that it doesn’t exist anymore. Elope and have a house party." - jps3469

"My wife and I eloped rather than a traditional wedding. One of the best decisions we ever made, honestly." - thereal-quaid

"NOR. I'm kind of assuming you are asking for advice here."

"Please get some help separating from your mother. It sounds like you are in a relationship with her where she has coercive control over you, and she is very manipulative."

"I know Reddit tends to leap directly to 'get some therapy,' but in this case, please, please get some therapy."

"What is it that scares you about your mother? I know it must be bad because you can't even tell her no when she makes you weigh yourself. You're old enough to get married, which means you are more than old enough to tell your mother to get stuffed." - JulieWriter

"You have serious problems with your parents. You’re an adult now. Your husband needs you to have a spine with your mom." - LibertyNachos

"When I cut contact with my dad, I started by ignoring his phone calls, which will bring out the flying monkeys, but you have to ignore them. They weren’t raised by this woman; you were."

"I eventually blocked his number, and then he then started showing up to my job, so I had to explain to my boss and coworkers tell him that I wasn’t there until he eventually stopped. I might have gotten lucky there since his dementia progressed and he no longer remembers me."

"It was very hard, painful, and FREEING all at once. I relied heavily on my husband during it (we also don’t have very present mother figures), but eventually that horrible anxiety, low self-worth, and anger fade away."

"I’m sorry your mother is being so cruel to you. It takes a lot to try to undo the damage they embed, but you deserve your autonomy."

"Congratulations on your wedding! You will be a beautiful bride in ANY dress you wear." - Prior-Pop-4683

The subReddit was grateful that the OP had standards and didn't want to be treated this way by her mother anymore, and also wanted to leave this part of her life in the past.

If her mother was going to be like this, she was better off not attending the wedding. She could organize her own event to celebrate her fitting into the prom dress.