Living with roommates is always a delicate balance.
Particularly when it comes to the financial aspect of it.
Ideally, everyone should contribute equally to communal items, such as toilet paper, paper towels, dish and hand soap, and cleaning supplies.
In a perfect world, everyone would also contribute equally to the rent, but not everyone agrees to this.
Redditor mikziggy_14 shared an apartment with her girlfriend and one other roommate.
The trio initially came up with an equitable division of the rent and bills.
However, the third roommate eventually contested the amount she should be paying for the apartment.
A suggestion neither the original poster (OP) nor her girlfriend was willing to agree to.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA If I made my roommate pay rent?"
The OP explained why her roommate wanted to lower the amount of rent she owed:
"Hi there!"
"I really just need some clarity on this situation."
"So any advice is really helpful."
"So to set the stage, I (Marie, 22 F[emale]), my girlfriend (Aspen, 21 F), and our roommate (Mia, 20 F) have lived in a 2-bed 2-bathroom apartment in our college town since April."
"It's in a decent neighborhood ,and rent is about $1,400 a month plus utilities."
"We split rent 3 ways, but because I make a little bit more money, I pay a little more."
"So the split usually ends of being 500/450/450 and utilities equally."
"The conflict is that Mia feels that she shouldn't pay rent when she isn't here during school breaks."
"So over the summer (June-August) she didn't pay rent or utilities, but her stuff was still here."
"Aspen and I didn't want to make it a fight, so we just paid the rent and left it alone."
"However, now that Christmas break is coming up, she texted our group chat and said she doesn't think she should pay rent for December because she is going home on the 13th and won't be back till January 15th."
"I don't think that it's fair, though, because again, her stuff is here, it's still her apartment."
"I understand that it might be difficult for her because she won't be working over the break, but that's not my fault."
"Aspen and I also have money issues (vet bills, car maintenance, etc), and I don't think she should be able to just pick and choose when she pays."
"So Reddit, WIBTA if I made her pay rent?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for making Mia pay rent even when she was away.
Everyone agreed that Mia simply didn't understand how a lease worked, and by her logic, if she did not want to pay rent during her time away, then she should also move all her things out during that time as well.
"NTA - this is not how the world works."
"Why should you and Aspen pay Mia's portion of the rent when she's not there?"
"What if all three of you went home for winter break?"
"Would no one be obligated to pay rent?"
"I'm sure the landlord would love that."
"Mia's request is absurd."- eury13
"If that's her mailing address and her stuff is there, she pays rent."
"That's like having a car payment and telling the bank that you shouldn't have to make payments if you don't drive the car."
"Ridiculous."
"The issue is that she's taking up the room, and if she weren't there, you'd have a different roommate paying rent."
"You could conceivably let her slide on paying utilities if you wanted a compromise, since she's not there to use the water/power, but I wouldn't."
"NTA."- JennyM8675309
"NTA."
"That's a lot of entitlement."
"Tell her to move her stuff out so you can rent it to someone else while she's away or else she pays rent."- vt2022cam
"NTA."
"I would also make her pay you guys back for the summer months that she didn't pay."- Iridecent-Cold-Fire
"NTA."
"She doesn't seem to understand how rent works."
"Explain to her, she's free to stop paying rent as soon as she moves out and takes all her stuff."-bmw5986
"NTA."
"If she is on the lease/has her stuff in the apartment, or is coming back, then she pays rent."
"If she were renting on her own, then she would have to pay rent when she went home."
"Same rules apply when you have roommates."
"Also, your salary is irrelevant to the percentage of rent you pay."- General-Toe-8686
"NTA."
"That's not how this works."
"That's not how any of this works."- law-and-horsdoeuvres
"Ywnbta!"
"However, I doubt you will convince her to pay through a normal and logical conversation."
"She won't move her stuff out because she feels entitled to the space."
"So teach her another way."
"Okay Roommate 3, we are about to list your room for rent."
"What are the exact dates you will be gone?"
"Oh, and take out anything valuable so it doesn't get stolen!"
"What do you mean we 'cant' rent 'your' room?"
"If you're not paying rent, it isn't your room!"
"We aren't getting shorted again."
"If you don't pay, you don't have a room."
"We paid three months of your rent already this year."
"We will rent 'the' room out permanently if we have to, but we aren't paying any more rent for you!"-fromhelley
"NTA."
"It's still the apartment she lives in, she still needs to pay for it."- Iridecent-Cold-Fire
"When I went on a work tri,p I didn't use my house or my car for a month."
"Still had to pay for both."
"NTA."- Individual_Check_442
"NTA."
"She needs to pay her rent."
"It's not optional, and that includes the summer months when she's not there."
"She can arrange for someone to sublet (with your approval of whoever it is and if your lease allows it), but that's as far as it goes."
"Mia needs to live in the dorms if she can't pay rent like an adult."- Peep_Power_77
"NTA."
"Tell her to please take all of her stuff with her if she's not paying."- browneyedredhead1968
"This is completely ridiculous."
"She rented an apartment."
"Not a hotel."
"What the hell does she think will happen when she eventually gets her own place?"
"Her landlord will say sure, no worries on the December check?"
"Please ask her this question."
"Dying to know what she thinks would transpire."
"20 years old is way too old for this behavior."
"Tell her that she can come and go as she pleases—and she's still on the hook for her 1/3 of the rent regardless of where in the world she is."
"NTA."- Superb-Dream1626
"Tell her to move her stuff for the time she is gone so that you can sublet the room."
"That if she won't pay rent, you need to be able to make up that money."
"She is being an entitled a**hole."
"NTA."- Quick-Possession-245
"NTA."
"If her stuff is there, she's there."
"She can pay or move out."- RoyallyOakie
"Are you joking that is f*cking insane."
"If this were a Judge Judy episode, her things being there means she lives there, and she needs to pay for it."
"If her stuff wasn't there, you'd get someone to fill the spot."
"Stop being a pushover, YWNBTA."- iraven_mccoy
"NTA."
"She's delusional about how rent works."
"If she wants to not pay rent, she has to take all of her stuff and not be mad if her place is given to someone else."
"She has to pay rent for her stuff to stay and for the knowledge that she has a place to come back to."- Camping_Queen_13
"NTA."
"She still has the option to use the room during that time."
"But you could all discuss renting her room out to another friend/traveller to pay her share if that's something you're comfortable with."
"It's like if she bought a pie."
"She doesn't get to return the pie a week later because she didn't eat it."
"She purchased the option of eating the pie."
"If she wants her money back from the pie, she needs to resell it, which is time and effort."
"As for utilities, if you wanted to be super nice, you could check the bills to see how much the base rates are (ongoing connection, bill fees, etc) and charge her a third of that."
"You're not doing her any favors allowing her to live in this made-up world of hers."- TeddyBear181
It is frustrating to be paying for space when we're not using it.
Unfortunately, that's just how renting a space works, at least on an annual lease.
If Mia gives the OP a hard time about this and chooses to find another living situation, she might be surprised to find that just about every other potential roommate will be equally uninterested in agreeing to her proposed arrangement.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.