Content Warning: Mentions of Attacks, Muggings, Assaults, and Scary Pranks
When we think of the most beautiful and memorable marriage proposals in history, of course we think of the guy who hired another guy to kidnap his girlfriend so he could rescue her and propose.
Actually, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit, that's the exact opposite of what we'd expect from a future happy and healthy marriage.
Redditor BlissfulRush was spending time with her best friend, catching up, when two men in an unmarked van pulled up and tried to abduct her friend.
Instead of abandoning her, she defended and saved her friend, and the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when she found out the "abduction" was the beginning of a proposal, which her friend's boyfriend accused her of ruining.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for destroying my best friend's proposal because I believed she was being kidnapped?"
The OP was struggling after something that happened with her best friend the week before.
"This actually happened last weekend, and I'm still shaking."
"My best friend Emily (29 Female) has been dating her boyfriend Chris (31 Male) for about four years."
"I (28 Female) love her to death, and I've always supported their relationship even though Chris is eccentric. He loves surprises and stuff. Think flash mobs and scavenger hunts that no one asked for."
The OP couldn't stop thinking about being attacked.
"I was visiting Emily. We were walking around and catching up when this unmarked white van came up next to us. Two masked men jumped out and grabbed her. She began screaming."
"I freaked out, so I did what any sane, frightened human being would do. I grabbed my pepper spray (legal where I am) and yelled bloody murder and went wild. I sprayed one dude in the face, kicked another in the shin, and literally pulled Emily back by the coat while yelling for 9-1-1."
But everything wasn't what it seemed to be.
"It turned out it was Chris and two of his buddies. They were attempting this strange 'prank kidnapping into surprise proposal' situation because Emily wanted a 'proposal like in the movies.'"
"Chris was yelling and crying over the pepper spray. Emily was scared when the cops arrived. It was chaotic."
"Now Chris is angry. He told me I ruined the most significant moment of their lives and embarrassed him in front of everyone. Emily told me she understood why I freaked out but wished I'd read the room."
"But like, how was I going to know? It seemed real. She was crying, they had masks, and IT WAS A LITERAL VAN!"
"Everyone's acting like I overreacted, but I genuinely thought she was being trafficked."
"AITAH for spoiling the proposal?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was NTA and that Chris should have included her in the plan.
"NTA. Chris is a moron. If he intended to 'kidnap' her to propose, he needed to make sure that whoever was with her knew!"
"If he's stupid enough to think a friend would just stand there while random strangers try to kidnap their friend, he's a fool. How can you 'read the room'? You're not psychic." - Intrepid_Bearz
"From what I can tell, the room consisted of a white van and three masked men trying to take a woman off the street. The woman is screaming. What more is there to read? At least she tried to save her friend."
"If he didn't want her to do that, oh, I don't know, maybe he could have told her what to expect so she could play along." - Entire-Flower1259
"Good thing for Chris's friends OP wasn't armed with a real weapon. You don't f**k with people's safety."
"And not just OP, but bystanders too. In Texas, something like 10% of people conceal carry, so depending on where this happened it could have been so much worse." - PikelRick
"No, you don't terrify people you love like this at all."
"No one in their right mind is gonna see a van roll up with masked guys dragging someone off and just assume it's a proposal. That's not 'romantic,' that's a straight-up horror movie scenario."
"Anyone would've done the same. The real fail here is on Chris for not cluing in the person literally walking with her." - TwinkleHoneyBloom
"He didn't expect her girlfriend to kick their a**es and thought it would be extra funny to traumatize her too. He's just embarrassed and he should be. What a dumba**." - CeeCee
"I've known people who have done the 'kidnapping' thing before, and it's usually much better planned than this."
"The much better way would be to have the van pull up and have YOU in on the plan. You tell Emily, 'You have to get in the van. Can't tell you why,' or something like that."
"That gets the fun of being 'kidnapped' without the 'OMG, I need to fight for my life.'" - treple13
"Chris is abusive. Anyone who thinks the way to propose is to terrify and traumatize the women he wants to marry is abusive. It wasn't just a proposal but a test, to make sure he could get away with anything, to teach her if she put up with terrible things, she would get rewarded, to push the boundaries as far as he could and make sure she wouldn't push back."
"Emily is pushing back against the OP because he is punishing Emily behind the scenes for the OP's behavior and probably trying to get her to push the OP out of her life. Emily is getting sucked in." - Music_withRocks_In
Others agreed and argued that Emily should have been more appreciative of the OP.
"OP risked her life to save her friend, despite the situation being fake. If it were me, and I did that to save a friend, I'd end the friendship after those remarks. Read the room?? Nope she can f**k off." - Best_Temperature_549
"If my friend saved me like that, the boyfriend is dumped, and my friend gets a damn spa weekend or a dinner at a good restaurant. No matter why it happened. She could have been taken or killed herself saving the ungratefull muppet, if this was a real situation. Read the room, my duck." - Chance_Violinist8097
"Read the room? READ THE ROOM? Two guys snatch up your screaming friend on the street, and she's telling you to READ THE ROOM???"
"What if someone else had called 911? What if someone else on the street saw and just started wailing on them? What if other people started going on local media about a girl getting grabbed up? This was a poorly conceived prankposal and you did what anyone else should have done."
"NTA, your friend and her boyfriend are dumba**es." - burner_suplex
"She wished you read the room...? You DID read the room, what is she talking about? You did NOTHING wrong and Chris was an absolute psycho for thinking that is how to propose to someone, especially if they didn't tell whoever they were with."
"Also, doing something like that in PUBLIC? Do you know how many cameras are monitoring streets, outside stores, etc? Also, the random people walking around? There was almost 100% that someone would have called the police."
"If a partner tried that with me, I would have 100% told the cops it was unwanted and was kidnapping, even if they were my partner. I would never want them near me again." - Rocket8000
"This is Emily's (bad) version of 'it was just a joke!'"
"Seriously, WHAT ROOM? They were on the street. Should she read the back of the unmarked windowless van? How about the terrorized faces of the other trafficked women when they get to their final destination."
"There was no room. This is the worst take someone can have. She's just trying to justify her id**t boyfriend misunderstanding the assignment. She wanted a proposal from a movie, like the end of a romance film, he was giving her the start of 'Taken.'" - TangledUpPuppeteer
"Chris AND HIS FRIENDS are MORONS. WTAF came up with such a DANGEROUS, STUPID 'PLAN'?!"
"You defended your friend. You'd be my ride or die forever if you saved me from anything like that." - Electtrical-Act-7170
"OP is a FANTASTIC friend. One that doesn't freeze and goes into action to protect her friend."
"It's obvious that the 'kidnappers' weren't targeting OP. She could have sat there and done nothing while OP was taken away."
"Instead, she jumped into action, got herself in the fight (subjecting herself to potential harm) to defend her friend."
"I would love to have OP as a friend. Emily doesn't deserve her."
"'Read the room,' my a**. She read the room- the room said 'YOUR BFF IS BEING KIDNAPPED BY MASKED ASSAILANTS'. Chris should be glad OP wasn't armed with anything bigger than pepper spray." - Babshearth
Everyone could understand a couple discussing and planning a proposal that matches both of their personalities, but if a proposal is going to involve other people, the other people need to be informed of the plan, and it needs to take place in an appropriate setting.
By not including the OP in the plan and making it public, the couple had invited a police arrest, if not a tragedy, over having a unique proposal.
Blaming the OP for protecting her friend would not change that.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.