We could all use a little money, but when someone gets it it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
People always have opinions on how to spend that money, and that can cause some drama. But, at the end of the day, if it’s your money it’s your choice.
Redditor tashbf encountered this very issue with her mom. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for ignoring my mum’s wishes for my inheritance?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I, (18F), am going to receive my inheritance when I go to university in three months.”
“It’s coming from my late uncle, and although I don’t know the exact amount, I’ve been informed it’s around £35k in total. The money was informally assigned to me because my uncle didn’t have a will- my grandparents assigned me the money from my uncle because they automatically received everything.”
“This £35k stayed with my grandparents because my mum would’ve stopped receiving benefits if she was holding the money. I first found out that this money existed when I was 16- my grandparents decided that it was time for me to know, and my mum hadn’t mentioned anything.”
“This is where the problems started.”
OP’s mom didn’t want her to find out about the money just yet.
“My mum did not want me to know yet- she wanted to wait until I was 18, and so she feels like my grandparents overstepped in their duties.”
“She also believes that the money is hers to help manage, and my grandparents shouldn’t be involved. My grandparents argue that it is legally their money, and that it was down to them to talk about it and manage it.”
“The two parties in this situation have very different ideas about what I should do with the money, and what my uncle would want.”
“My mum believes that I should use the money to avoid student loans, and pay to get through uni debt-free.”
“My grandparents believe I should get the student loans, and that the money should be used as an allowance so I don’t have to work whilst I’m studying, allowing me more time to do my degree.”
“I personally agree with my grandparents- I don’t think I’d be able to hold down a job whilst studying due to my autism, and so my grandparents’ idea for the money appeals to me much more.”
“My mum has taken me siding with my grandparents as a betrayal and says that she knows what my uncle would’ve wanted me to do with the money better than my grandparents.”
“She went on to say that I’m just siding with them because I prefer them and that they have no right to be holding that money because she is my mother and she knows what’s best for me, and I’m also going against my uncle’s wishes.”
“AITA for siding with my grandparents over her?”
“Should I have been loyal to my mum, and am I actually going against what my uncle would’ve wanted?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“I’m guessing U.K. – in which case student loans are more affordable than America. Makes sense to do what you grandparents say.” ~ Total_Procedure_405
“In the UK you don’t pay student loans back until you’re earning over a certain amount, annually, and even then it’s only 9% over of what you earn. Barely even know it’s gone since it does so automatically.”
“Not to mention after 30 years it gets wiped.”
“Student loan debts don’t affect anything (mortgages, loans, etc) so doing what the grandparents suggests seems pretty good. Though in the UK, you can also get maintenance loans which are designed to help with the cost of living and whatnot.”
“As for your mum insisting it’s her choice – it was never her money. It’s your grandparents, therefore their choice. They’re giving you the choice on what you want to do, and as an adult, it is up to you to weigh in the pros and cons of each option.”
“Personally, as a uni student, I’d say go with your grandparents suggestion, only because uni can get hectic and stressful.”
“NTA” ~ Cmb152145
Some offered advice.
“OP if you look at advice specifically around paying back UK student loans, from places like money saving expert the advice is to not bother paying off student loans if you come into money because they absolutely don’t affect you.”
“The vast vast majority of UK students will never pay their student loans off, and it doesn’t matter at all.”
“Take out the maximum student loans you can, including maintenance loans, and use the money you are being given to ensure you don’t go into other forms of debt, like credit card or overdraft. Anything you don’t spend of that after university can be used for other things, like supporting yourself before you get a job or towards a deposit. The money is much more valuable not applied to student loans.”
“Edit: Thanks for my first ever awards!” ~ GinjaJaz
“OP, the above is a very good advice. If you can it might be a good idea to save as much of that money as you can for a down-payment for a mortgage if owning your place is something you are interested in.”
“Maintenance loans can help you with day to day allowance and rent. Honestly I see where your mom is coming from cuz when you think of a student debt, you think of debt overall but as other people in the comments have said uk student loans work different.” ~ JustYourAvarageJane
“I don’t think thats Mom’s concern. This OP responsible enough to not blow through that money? 37k is nothing. At 18/19 in college, if he’s not careful, all that money would be gone in a year or two.” ~ BaronNotSure
“It was mentioned as an allowance so it sounds like the grandparents are going to dish it out a little at a time.” ~ Annual-Contract-115
“Yes, that’s what we’re intending to do! My grandparents already give me an allowance, so this is just like an extension of that. I wouldn’t trust myself with that much.” ~ tashbf
If OP was trusted with that money, she should decide what to do with it.